Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As background, my DH lost his father at 8 and his mother did not start another serious relationship until DH was 20; she was solely focused on raising the kids and has a particularly strong attachment with DH relative to his sister. She lives 3000 miles away so he relies on her more for counsel and emotional support. I never made much of this, thought it was good for him to have another outlet. Now we have child number 1 and I have just realized the tremendous influence his mother has on him. If the kid is sick he immediately calls his mom and very often wants to override my decisions. The more I pay attention the more I notice the influence his mother has in every decision he makes, from jobs to child rearing etc, decisions that impact our family. I have broached the subject with him but he glosses over it, does not want to deal with it. How to set boundaries, when she does not say anything to me directly?

This may come as a shock to you, but "the kid" is not just yours. His opinion matters and he gets to make decisions too just like you.

Counseling is a must. This isn't an MIL or a momma's boy problem. This is two people battling for control ( you and dh) instead of functioning as a team.

We function really well and are mostly in sync, until MIL gets involved. He has been known to value the advice of his mother over that of our pediatrician. So no this is not the case of my DH having a strong opinion on a particular issue, this is DH coopting the opinion of an intrusive MIL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.

what does PW stand for?

Anonymous wrote:I can't tell from your post, is MIL involving herself in your family issues or is DH dragging her in?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is one also - it was part of what I liked about him - that he's respectful and really loves his mom - but after having a kid the dynamic became awful. Particularly since she's a 'baby expert' who has antiquated beliefs and she inserted herself into our 1 bedroom apartment at that time. Hang in there! I was totally post-partum and handled it poorly, and he was a total wimp and left me out to dry (emotionally) a few times. Hold firm on the things you care about, take anything good and helpful from her/his advice and bring in other experts and ignore/disregard your husband/mil when needed. Hopefully they'll start to get it eventually. My MIL is now closer with her other grandchildren than my kids - which is her loss. Thankfully my kids don't seem to have picked up on that.

OP here. Yes it was part of what I liked about my DH too. I think as he has gotten older and as she has gotten older her influence has grown. We are not talking about practical things here, like how to sleep train, but often very different viewpoints on life. She has also gotten increasingly religious, and I am not, which does not help. Sounds like I am going to have to stand firm continuously and not engage.

What do you mean?

For example, she thinks her very bright niece should not apply to a highly selective private school because women need an easy, ideally part-time job, so they can raise kids. Apparently we should do the same although my DD is a toddler.

And?
The situation with your niece does not concern you.

Is she holding you and your DH hostage and blocking you from letting your toddler attend school?

Everyone has an opinion. Everyone. Learn to let it go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As background, my DH lost his father at 8 and his mother did not start another serious relationship until DH was 20; she was solely focused on raising the kids and has a particularly strong attachment with DH relative to his sister. She lives 3000 miles away so he relies on her more for counsel and emotional support. I never made much of this, thought it was good for him to have another outlet. Now we have child number 1 and I have just realized the tremendous influence his mother has on him. If the kid is sick he immediately calls his mom and very often wants to override my decisions. The more I pay attention the more I notice the influence his mother has in every decision he makes, from jobs to child rearing etc, decisions that impact our family. I have broached the subject with him but he glosses over it, does not want to deal with it. How to set boundaries, when she does not say anything to me directly?

This may come as a shock to you, but "the kid" is not just yours. His opinion matters and he gets to make decisions too just like you.

Counseling is a must. This isn't an MIL or a momma's boy problem. This is two people battling for control ( you and dh) instead of functioning as a team.

Anonymous wrote:As background, my DH lost his father at 8 and his mother did not start another serious relationship until DH was 20; she was solely focused on raising the kids and has a particularly strong attachment with DH relative to his sister. She lives 3000 miles away so he relies on her more for counsel and emotional support. I never made much of this, thought it was good for him to have another outlet. Now we have child number 1 and I have just realized the tremendous influence his mother has on him. If the kid is sick he immediately calls his mom and very often wants to override my decisions. The more I pay attention the more I notice the influence his mother has in every decision he makes, from jobs to child rearing etc, decisions that impact our family. I have broached the subject with him but he glosses over it, does not want to deal with it. How to set boundaries, when she does not say anything to me directly?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.

what does PW stand for?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is one also - it was part of what I liked about him - that he's respectful and really loves his mom - but after having a kid the dynamic became awful. Particularly since she's a 'baby expert' who has antiquated beliefs and she inserted herself into our 1 bedroom apartment at that time. Hang in there! I was totally post-partum and handled it poorly, and he was a total wimp and left me out to dry (emotionally) a few times. Hold firm on the things you care about, take anything good and helpful from her/his advice and bring in other experts and ignore/disregard your husband/mil when needed. Hopefully they'll start to get it eventually. My MIL is now closer with her other grandchildren than my kids - which is her loss. Thankfully my kids don't seem to have picked up on that.

OP here. Yes it was part of what I liked about my DH too. I think as he has gotten older and as she has gotten older her influence has grown. We are not talking about practical things here, like how to sleep train, but often very different viewpoints on life. She has also gotten increasingly religious, and I am not, which does not help. Sounds like I am going to have to stand firm continuously and not engage.

What do you mean?

For example, she thinks her very bright niece should not apply to a highly selective private school because women need an easy, ideally part-time job, so they can raise kids. Apparently we should do the same although my DD is a toddler.

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.

Anonymous wrote:I can't tell from your post, is MIL involving herself in your family issues or is DH dragging her in?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,

I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on.

So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more.

Yeah, CLEARLY the DIL is the problem here...

Lol. +1