I have a close friend with a son with an August birthday. Preschool recommended holding him back (for social/maturity reasons, not necessarily academics), but she chose to put him in the "right" class. Now in middle school, it's pretty clear that his true peers are the class behind his (where he would be if he had red-shirted). And honestly, I think the maturity level affects the academics too - he's a smart kid, but the level of work requires that he have the ability and maturity to be able to stop the "fun" (videogames, sports, etc) and focus on homework and studying. And he has a very hard time with that, and his grades suffer because of it.

You can always elect to repeat kindergarten or first grade. Be willing to reasses during the year. My daughter - October birthday - was okay in kindergarten but in spending time helping in the classroom it was clear to us that she was almost always following the lead of the older girls. We and her teacher kept an eye out and decided to repeat K. After we made that decision we learned that four other families had decided to do the same thing with their daughters. Another friend decided to stay and repeat first grade.

Everyone with older kids knows kids who did fine or okay being younger, and kids who clearly suffered. It is very kid specific. I encourage everyone to keep reevaluating their decisions. Our very good friends considered moving their early starting son to private school and repeating sixth grade. Their kid has things together now but he is 23. Middle school and high school were real struggles as he was just less mature than his peers all the way through and that is never fun.

Could the girls have done as well if they had not been held back? Possibly, but sports became a big thing for all of them. So, it would likely have been a very different experience.





The extra year for the girls gave them more maturity and confidence.

Teachers push redshirting as its easier for teachers to have older kids vs younger. If they cannot sit, do work, or behave in school and have been in preschool for a few years, the preschool failed them or something more serious is going on.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm sorry that it's been a while since I've posted. His pre-school teachers seem to think that he won't be able to keep up with his classmates academically. However, even if this is true at first, I'm sure he'll be fine in high school. A few months makes a big difference in mental and emotional maturity at his age, but once he's in high school, those few months will be nothing, and he'll be all caught up. To me, it's the end that counts.

I would not worry his academic readiness; K has kids all over the academic spectrum and they know how to teach kids where they are.

I would look at his social skills: can he play with a variety of kids? Can he work out minor disagreements on his own? Can he use words when he's upset?

I would also look at his executive function skills: impulse control, ability to accept delayed gratification?

My son has the same birthday. Preschool teachers also seemed to be pushing us to redshirt, though more as a general philosophy than because of anything they observed in our son. He was relatively mature, good at listening and following directions, and bright. We sent him on time and I have no regrets now in 3rd. there are plenty of other boys near his age (not a lot of red shirting in our school, though there is some) and he's a top student. I think it is wise to think specifically about your child and his strengths and weaknesses, but at least in our case, I am very glad we didn't cave to pressure to red-shirt.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm sorry that it's been a while since I've posted. His pre-school teachers seem to think that he won't be able to keep up with his classmates academically. However, even if this is true at first, I'm sure he'll be fine in high school. A few months makes a big difference in mental and emotional maturity at his age, but once he's in high school, those few months will be nothing, and he'll be all caught up. To me, it's the end that counts.

OP, I think you should look at the norm in your elementary. If you're in a wealthy district K can be very stressful for a child who can't keep up academically. There are always a few kids who come in not knowing the alphabet and do fine but usually these are kids who did not go to pre-school or went only to a play-based pre-school. They end up catching up very quickly. The reason they are behind is because no one ever tried to teach them anything academic. It seems to me that your pre-school does do academics if there's a worry about your child being behind. In our highly competitive school there are always 3-4 kids that have to repeat K each year. A few of them are held back by the school and a few are encouraged to repeat in private. I do know of one child who was young for K and repeated and ended up doing fine the second year but in general the other kids I have met who have had to repeat end up feeling horrible about themselves. You do not want to do this to your child. There are also a few kids who go on time, don't have to repeat but end up feeling dumb because they are struggling so much.

Anonymous wrote:There's no way he's going to feel out of place if you hold him back. Red-shirting is more the norm around here than the exception.

Which is bizarre.

Well, you should clearly do what you think best. FWIW, I sent my son (mid-August birthday) on time because his teachers said he was ready. He is finishing up 3rd grade now, and everything has been fine. But if his teachers had advised me to wait, I would have considered it seriously.

It sounds like you've decided what to do, OP. I would defer to the teachers' opinion on this one.

OP here. I'm sorry that it's been a while since I've posted. His pre-school teachers seem to think that he won't be able to keep up with his classmates academically. However, even if this is true at first, I'm sure he'll be fine in high school. A few months makes a big difference in mental and emotional maturity at his age, but once he's in high school, those few months will be nothing, and he'll be all caught up. To me, it's the end that counts.

Did the preschool teachers give you a reason? I have to say though, a lot of preschools suggest this these days. They suggested it for my kid just because DC has a late summer birthday, but DC was already reading and could sit still and focus. We went with our own instincts and sent DC to K on time and DC is doing just fine. I'm glad we didn't listen because our kid would have been bored to death if she were a year behind. Another friend held her kid back because there was some indication this kid had ADHD issues. It turns out he didn't have ADHD, but the kid is still doing fine as one of the older kids in the class. I think it sounds like a big deal now, but honestly either way you go is not going to make or break your child. Go with your own hunch unless the preschool teachers are giving you a good reason to hold back.

Anonymous wrote:

This is bizarre to me. I had friends who were 18 nearly all of high school because their birthday was just after the cut-off date. It didn't seem to affect them at all. Why would a few months older or younger matter?

And I had friends who were 18 nearly all of high school, they were legal adults, they were ready to go, and they were still stuck in high school, living at home. Different people are different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My twin girls have an October birthday (cut off here is September 30) so have been six for almost all of Kindergarten. No one noticed. They'll also be 18 for most of their senior year of high school. As as I, with a birthday three weeks after the cutoff in my district at the time.

This "my kid won't want to listen to teachers his senior year of high school if he's over 18" argument always confuses me. If your child doesn't want to listen to authority figures because they're over 18 I would suggest that there are bigger issues than simply that they are over 18. If you teach your child to respect all authority, especially their teachers, they will respect the teachers regardless of their age if they wish to graduate. Being a DCUM mom, you likely expect him to go to college, right? Are you anticipating problems with him listening to college professors because he'll be over 18?

So basically, he'll be fine if you do decide to wait. But I agree with the others that are urging you to find out why the preschool teachers are encouraging you to redshirt. Do they say this to all boys with August birthdays, or is something else going on?

If they urge all August birthdays, especially boys, to redshirt, then consider sending him on time. But be open to the idea that they're seeing something you don't and have a solid reason for this suggestion.

Your children are 6. Wait until they're nearing the end of high school and are probably itching to get out of the house and on their own. Then you will probably understand it better.

This is bizarre to me. I had friends who were 18 nearly all of high school because their birthday was just after the cut-off date. It didn't seem to affect them at all. Why would a few months older or younger matter?

Yeah, this is weird. I was 18 for the majority of my senior year and at no point did it even occur to me to think "well, I'm 18 now so I don't have to listen to my teachers or my parents." That's nuts. It's not as if some magic switch is flipped. Also, the rebellious kids that I knew weren't waiting for some magic date either. They were rebellious at 15 and 16 and 17. For good or ill, there is nothing magical about turning 18.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My twin girls have an October birthday (cut off here is September 30) so have been six for almost all of Kindergarten. No one noticed. They'll also be 18 for most of their senior year of high school. As as I, with a birthday three weeks after the cutoff in my district at the time.

This "my kid won't want to listen to teachers his senior year of high school if he's over 18" argument always confuses me. If your child doesn't want to listen to authority figures because they're over 18 I would suggest that there are bigger issues than simply that they are over 18. If you teach your child to respect all authority, especially their teachers, they will respect the teachers regardless of their age if they wish to graduate. Being a DCUM mom, you likely expect him to go to college, right? Are you anticipating problems with him listening to college professors because he'll be over 18?

So basically, he'll be fine if you do decide to wait. But I agree with the others that are urging you to find out why the preschool teachers are encouraging you to redshirt. Do they say this to all boys with August birthdays, or is something else going on?

If they urge all August birthdays, especially boys, to redshirt, then consider sending him on time. But be open to the idea that they're seeing something you don't and have a solid reason for this suggestion.

Your children are 6. Wait until they're nearing the end of high school and are probably itching to get out of the house and on their own. Then you will probably understand it better.

This is bizarre to me. I had friends who were 18 nearly all of high school because their birthday was just after the cut-off date. It didn't seem to affect them at all. Why would a few months older or younger matter?

^^who were 18 nearly all of senior year of high school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My twin girls have an October birthday (cut off here is September 30) so have been six for almost all of Kindergarten. No one noticed. They'll also be 18 for most of their senior year of high school. As as I, with a birthday three weeks after the cutoff in my district at the time.

This "my kid won't want to listen to teachers his senior year of high school if he's over 18" argument always confuses me. If your child doesn't want to listen to authority figures because they're over 18 I would suggest that there are bigger issues than simply that they are over 18. If you teach your child to respect all authority, especially their teachers, they will respect the teachers regardless of their age if they wish to graduate. Being a DCUM mom, you likely expect him to go to college, right? Are you anticipating problems with him listening to college professors because he'll be over 18?

So basically, he'll be fine if you do decide to wait. But I agree with the others that are urging you to find out why the preschool teachers are encouraging you to redshirt. Do they say this to all boys with August birthdays, or is something else going on?

If they urge all August birthdays, especially boys, to redshirt, then consider sending him on time. But be open to the idea that they're seeing something you don't and have a solid reason for this suggestion.

Your children are 6. Wait until they're nearing the end of high school and are probably itching to get out of the house and on their own. Then you will probably understand it better.

This is bizarre to me. I had friends who were 18 nearly all of high school because their birthday was just after the cut-off date. It didn't seem to affect them at all. Why would a few months older or younger matter?