men not me

As PPs have noted, the way women pursue is different from me. You need to smile, show interest, laugh at his jokes, dress nicely/makeup etc, listen to him.

If he still doesnt ask you out, casually suggest meeting up once for a coffee or something non dating like.

If he still doesnt bite, give up. Further pursuing will only lead to a horrible marriage where you are always doing the running.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Not at all. I do not believe in it. My DH pursued me mercilessly 20+ years ago. He worked for it.

Guess what-- guess who's still head over heels in love? He still talks about how lucky he was to "catch" me. He works hard to make my life easier (I do the same, but he's really my prince charming).

You deserve nothing else---but don't make yourself easy to a man. Yuck.

You are worth pursuing. Act accordingly.

But do you get pursued?

Anonymous wrote:Some men are great catches but really shy. My brother in law is too shy to pursue, but if pursued, he will be an amazing catch.

This.

My DH is a great catch! But back when we met, he was 23 and super shy and awkward around girls! I new he was a catch instantly and shamelessly flirted with him until he asked me out. I know that had I not gone out of my way to initiate flirting with him, he would never have known that I was even a romantic possibility for him as he'd have thought I way out of his league to pursue. Once I flirted with him, he prompt;y flirted back and asked me out. The rest is history.

I do not understand this passive strategy of women sitting around waiting for men to come up to them. You can't sit in your tower and wait for Prince Charming to climb up and find you. It is the modern world. Climb out of your tower, mingle with men and be flirty!!

Nope. Not at all. I do not believe in it. My DH pursued me mercilessly 20+ years ago. He worked for it.

Guess what-- guess who's still head over heels in love? He still talks about how lucky he was to "catch" me. He works hard to make my life easier (I do the same, but he's really my prince charming).

You deserve nothing else---but don't make yourself easy to a man. Yuck.

You are worth pursuing. Act accordingly.

Flame away, but when I was in college 15+ years ago, my girlfriends and I were rocked by the book "Why Men Love Bitches." It's a cheesy book (along with it's cousin "Why Men Marry Bitches"), but its premise of not making yourself too available and not aggressively pursuing a man for a relationship or marriage is worth considering. Don't be the dead moose on his doorstep. Show him that you're interested and respond accordingly if the feeling is mutual, but don't make it too easy for him.
https://quotecatalog.com/u/kirstenocorley/2016/08/why-men-love-bitches-2

I worked with my DH (in different departments) and we would see each other at lunch or at poker (his house). I couldn't stop thinking about him so I started trying to bump into him more often, have more conversations with him, organized a cook-out before our poker game, etc. Then one night I bit the bullet and asked him if he would like to grab some dinner after work and if he wanted to see if anyone else wanted to join us that would be fine. Basically, I gave him a polite out if he wasn't interested. When we met by the elevators that evening it was just him and the rest, as they say, was history.

I tricked him into perusing me.

It's OK for you to express interest in a guy but not to pursue him without any reciprocity from him. That means you are allowed to make your interest clear once. Not twice, not three times. Once. If you reach out to him once and he does not respond, stop. If you don't stop, you show you do not respect him as a person and a master of his own actions.

I certainly did! I knew a guy at work for three years and we were good friends. But he showed no interest in dating anyone at the same company. I always felt he was really cute and smart and after three years I knew a lot about him. So one day I took the bull by the horns and asked him to lunch and I did my best to let him know I was interested. He took the bait and we've been happily married for 30 years. I think it's ridiculous to think it's wrong for a woman to pursue a man. Isn't it 2017 not 1917?

I asked men out when I was single. When I met dh, we were both interested in one another but I asked him out to lunch first. After that, it was pretty much mutual.

But you have to be prepared for a) rejection or b) that he might like you more than you like him and you'll have to let him down. But you should still go for it. How are guys supposed to know you want to spend time with them if you don't ask them? They're not mind readers. Good luck, OP! Go for it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why dont you ask your friends since you say they did it and had success?

With the guys that this worked, did they willingly and joyously ask her to marry him? I'm assuming they aren't quite as non-traditional where she asked him to marry her. Also checking this wasn't a lazy factor where they stay with her, but aren't looking to marry her. Also, does the guy appreciate his wife and feels like he won a big prize, and doubly so because she pursued him? Were they friends/co-workers first and she pursued him? I would get more details from the guys that are saying this worked.

I posted at 13:48 and I just asked my husband these questions. He said that he absolutely feels like he won a big prize with me and that he thinks I'm out of his league. He says that he appreciated that I made it clear I was interested in him. He said that a lot of times, men are expected to do the pursuing with little to no indication if the woman in question is actually interested and then if she rejects them, they are supposed to shake it off like it's not a big deal. He said that rejection is a big deal for everyone, and that when a man sees a confident woman who expresses interest directly, that woman becomes less intimidating than she'd otherwise be.

From my perspective, yes, he joyfully asked me to marry him, with all kinds of romantic fanfare. Staying together isn't a lazy factor so much as something we're both really happy about every day.

Anonymous wrote:I flirted with and pursued my husband. He adores and loves me and treats me like a queen every day. He is shy and would not have pursued me had I not made it very obviously known that I was into him.

Same thing here!

The traditional way is to be coy and show interest without being forward. Basically you're being receptive to his attention, finding a way to let him know he won't be rejected.

Some men are great catches but really shy. My brother in law is too shy to pursue, but if pursued, he will be an amazing catch.