Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 10:39     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think the "now I'm getting divorced" PP's point is that if a person demonstrates a lack of consideration repeatedly - which may or may not be the case for the OP - wasting a ton of time expecting them to change into a considerate person is dumb. Change yourself. Figure out what you can love with. Plan accordingly.


But her point is rendered moot by the fact that she "would be pissed" by the behavior to start with, and finds that it isn't considerate. Most of us in happy marriages would not be "pissed", don't need our husbands to check in every 30 minutes and don't passive aggressively hold dinner until late at night to guilt trip them when they do come home. She is definitely contributing to her own problems and people who are looking for every little thing to find offense are not helping their marriages succeed. I am not perfect but I do TRY not to sabotage my own marriage by acting like a bitch. Hopefully this is a blip, which happens to everyone sometimes after a stressful week. If it is a pattern, OP should think about whether she wants to change it to something more positive.


I am that PP and I said I would be pissed in the beginning. In other words, the OP's feelings are valid. I am not offended by the fact that you implied the problems in my marriage was that I was a bitch. I love being referred to as a bitch and I will own it when that is the role I am taking on. This situation was not one of those times.

I didn't need my husband to check in every 30 min. OP also didn't say that she needed that either.

I actually encouraged OP to come up with other alternatives to feeling upset with DH and echoed other PP's recommendations.

I also thought it important to note that I am divorced, so take my advice with that grain of salt. Whatever you want your future to be.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 10:20     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Anonymous wrote:I saw the HH in the title and thought DH decided to go to Hilton Head at 5 on a Friday. I could get annoyed with that.

Going to happy hour and not coming home at 7pm? Order take out, open a bottle of wine. Life is too short to get upset about something so small.


I thought the same thing!!
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 10:15     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Anonymous wrote:I think the "now I'm getting divorced" PP's point is that if a person demonstrates a lack of consideration repeatedly - which may or may not be the case for the OP - wasting a ton of time expecting them to change into a considerate person is dumb. Change yourself. Figure out what you can love with. Plan accordingly.


But her point is rendered moot by the fact that she "would be pissed" by the behavior to start with, and finds that it isn't considerate. Most of us in happy marriages would not be "pissed", don't need our husbands to check in every 30 minutes and don't passive aggressively hold dinner until late at night to guilt trip them when they do come home. She is definitely contributing to her own problems and people who are looking for every little thing to find offense are not helping their marriages succeed. I am not perfect but I do TRY not to sabotage my own marriage by acting like a bitch. Hopefully this is a blip, which happens to everyone sometimes after a stressful week. If it is a pattern, OP should think about whether she wants to change it to something more positive.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 09:04     Subject: Re:DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
If we didn't have plans my DW would be fine with me going to HH with co-workers. But at 9 she would be concerned that 4 hours of HH might result in diminished driving skills or that something had already happened. She would be right to be concerned but being irate and pissed is ridiculous. I would likely have called or texted at around 7 or so to say I'd be late. Or, she would likely have texted at 8 asking if I was OK. Both approaches are very normal. But sitting home at 9 venting on DCum is childish.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 09:01     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Anonymous wrote:I have a co worker who has a really nutty girlfriend who complained about the exact same thing you are right now--literally she was like "I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE CEREAL" at 9PM (he told us all about the fight). We all think she's an insane, controlling psycho. Do you want to be that girl?


She may be psycho and insane but unless he is dating an under 18 year old, than she is a woman. Would you ever call the man in the reverse situation a boy? I don't think so!
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 08:59     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Yeah, I don't know ow if I'd be mad, and I'm a great communicator, so I would have clarified/checked in but to me, happy hour means till 7 or 8. It's basic consideration for the one out to just text and say Hey, we are extending happy hour to all hours
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 08:37     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
I think the "now I'm getting divorced" PP's point is that if a person demonstrates a lack of consideration repeatedly - which may or may not be the case for the OP - wasting a ton of time expecting them to change into a considerate person is dumb. Change yourself. Figure out what you can love with. Plan accordingly.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 08:36     Subject: Re:DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Confidential to OP's husband: run away now!

If you don't have the balls to run, please don't invite your DH out anymore. She is a total buzzkill.

Seriously, if my DW emailed me and said she was going to HH, I would tell her to have fun, I would put the kids to bed, then get up early with them so she could sleep in. Because that's what sane, normal people who love each other do.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 08:26     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Anonymous wrote:I'm with OP, that if this was one of the first times this happened, I'd be pissed. OP, what DCUM is trying to say is that even though your DH is being a dick, we just develop coping mechanisms, because he's not going to stop being a dick. We know what our options are now (takeout and bottle of wine), so when DH hits our boundary of not being home by 7pm or something (you set the line and you can tell him or not), we just go with plan B.

I agree that if you have kids, and he often does something with bedtime, this is worse.

I used to wait for DH to come home to start dinner. He'd wind up home an hour later than he told me he was leaving work. I was the OP of another thread. So, after awhile, I just started making dinner when I was hungry and he could reheat it. When he started wasting $29/lb filets, I stopped buying them for him and just bought them for me. He was on his own.

Also, if you don't have kids yet, and he's constantly a dick, I am totally a fan of waiting, not having them, or getting a divorce. I have one kid, and I am now getting a divorce.


No, what many of us are trying to say is that going to happy hour is not a dick move. It's totally fine unless there were some other plans made.

But who wants to take relationship advice from us happily married people, take it instead from the ones getting divorced....
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 08:16     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
I'm with OP, that if this was one of the first times this happened, I'd be pissed. OP, what DCUM is trying to say is that even though your DH is being a dick, we just develop coping mechanisms, because he's not going to stop being a dick. We know what our options are now (takeout and bottle of wine), so when DH hits our boundary of not being home by 7pm or something (you set the line and you can tell him or not), we just go with plan B.

I agree that if you have kids, and he often does something with bedtime, this is worse.

I used to wait for DH to come home to start dinner. He'd wind up home an hour later than he told me he was leaving work. I was the OP of another thread. So, after awhile, I just started making dinner when I was hungry and he could reheat it. When he started wasting $29/lb filets, I stopped buying them for him and just bought them for me. He was on his own.

Also, if you don't have kids yet, and he's constantly a dick, I am totally a fan of waiting, not having them, or getting a divorce. I have one kid, and I am now getting a divorce.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 08:09     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this at all. If dh texted me this I would say "great have fun. On our own for dinner right?". Then I would have ordered take out and poured myself a glass of wine and watch a show dh doesn't enjoy.

You seem codependent, needy, and dim


+ 1.

I can understand if you have small kids because then you are short of helping hands, but if you have older kids (5 years and up), you should learn to CHILL. No kids? Take out, leftovers or a bowl of breakfast cereal. Soak in the bathtub and watch something that you don't usually. Or get in the bed and read some erotica or something equally fluff.



I have a 2 yo and 5 yo, and I still don't understand OP. She needs to chill FFS. Just make dinner, put leftovers I fridge for him. This is bizarre.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 08:06     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this at all. If dh texted me this I would say "great have fun. On our own for dinner right?". Then I would have ordered take out and poured myself a glass of wine and watch a show dh doesn't enjoy.

You seem codependent, needy, and dim


This exactly.


+ 1, wtf?
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 07:58     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
I saw the HH in the title and thought DH decided to go to Hilton Head at 5 on a Friday. I could get annoyed with that.

Going to happy hour and not coming home at 7pm? Order take out, open a bottle of wine. Life is too short to get upset about something so small.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 07:56     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a co worker who has a really nutty girlfriend who complained about the exact same thing you are right now--literally she was like "I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE CEREAL" at 9PM (he told us all about the fight). We all think she's an insane, controlling psycho. Do you want to be that girl?


Both your coworker and his girlfriend lack boundaries.


PP here. Sorry, if you're going to act like a complete psycho, you deserve to be gossiped about. I think you're overusing the word boundaries here too. I know it's a huge DCUM buzzword so you probably like to throw it out there whenever you can. But what about her being a total psycho b*tch "lacks boundaries"? And so what if he talks about her? She's nuts. If you don't act like an insane person your boyfriend won't be compelled to vent about you.


How long have you been sleeping with her boyfriend?


Oh give me a break. None of us like her because we (men and women alike) can't hang out with our friend outside of work without her ruining the night. If she doesn't come, she'll text him and start fights and drive him crazy until he has to leave. If she comes, and he doesn't pay enough attention to her (which by her definition means including her in every single conversation with every single person he talks to) she will pout and start a fight right there in public. I have my own relationship, which I'm very happy and secure in. But her boyfriend is our friend and she's a miserable wench. We like to just grab a beer or grab dinner as a group and he can't even do that.

I really don't understand why some people on DCUM just have to be constantly mean and disagreeable. Are you just like the OP? Do you have a guilty conscience, which is why you have to accuse me of sleeping with him? Really. You need to ask yourself why you're ALSO a miserable person.


I see.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2017 07:21     Subject: DH decided at 5 to go to HH last minute
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a co worker who has a really nutty girlfriend who complained about the exact same thing you are right now--literally she was like "I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE CEREAL" at 9PM (he told us all about the fight). We all think she's an insane, controlling psycho. Do you want to be that girl?


Both your coworker and his girlfriend lack boundaries.


PP here. Sorry, if you're going to act like a complete psycho, you deserve to be gossiped about. I think you're overusing the word boundaries here too. I know it's a huge DCUM buzzword so you probably like to throw it out there whenever you can. But what about her being a total psycho b*tch "lacks boundaries"? And so what if he talks about her? She's nuts. If you don't act like an insane person your boyfriend won't be compelled to vent about you.


How long have you been sleeping with her boyfriend?


Oh give me a break. None of us like her because we (men and women alike) can't hang out with our friend outside of work without her ruining the night. If she doesn't come, she'll text him and start fights and drive him crazy until he has to leave. If she comes, and he doesn't pay enough attention to her (which by her definition means including her in every single conversation with every single person he talks to) she will pout and start a fight right there in public. I have my own relationship, which I'm very happy and secure in. But her boyfriend is our friend and she's a miserable wench. We like to just grab a beer or grab dinner as a group and he can't even do that.

I really don't understand why some people on DCUM just have to be constantly mean and disagreeable. Are you just like the OP? Do you have a guilty conscience, which is why you have to accuse me of sleeping with him? Really. You need to ask yourself why you're ALSO a miserable person.