Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would divorce over this. I'm not kidding.

Well, and he would go off and get married and have new kids with his new young wife - which is the real reason men don't do this. They don't want to give up their fertility which can last into their 70's and maybe beyond.

I just found out the my DH was a sperm donor in grad school. As he is a 6'1" tall athletic PhD I assume my kids have siblings (some of them with attitude problems) running around all over Northern Virginia. Men do value their fertility whether they admit it or not.

Anonymous wrote:I would divorce over this. I'm not kidding.

Well, and he would go off and get married and have new kids with his new young wife - which is the real reason men don't do this. They don't want to give up their fertility which can last into their 70's and maybe beyond.

Anonymous wrote:My DH was resistant to the idea and I gave him a date by which I would stop taking birth control. Took about 8 months of condoms before he got it done.

He did have, and still has, post-vasectomy pain, although it has lessened. It has been about 10 months. He could not get a satisfactory answer from his urologist about the pain and there basically isn't much that can be done about it. He is just hoping it goes away. That said, everyone else we've talked to has said they were fine within a week or so.

OP here - given his attitude, I am 100% sure my DH would have pain, whether real or not. He's that guy who always "catches the flu" about five minutes after someone coughs in his vicinity. And let's not relive the wisdom teeth debacle of 2002,

My DH was resistant to the idea and I gave him a date by which I would stop taking birth control. Took about 8 months of condoms before he got it done.

He did have, and still has, post-vasectomy pain, although it has lessened. It has been about 10 months. He could not get a satisfactory answer from his urologist about the pain and there basically isn't much that can be done about it. He is just hoping it goes away. That said, everyone else we've talked to has said they were fine within a week or so.

I hope he's not Googling for information about the procedure. There were some sites talking about "persistent testicular pain" that were pretty horrifying (left feeling like they were being kicked in the nuts all day, every day).

But, there are risks and horror stories for any procedure. Permanent sterilization procedures for women are far riskier.

Even though I was nervous due to my ill-advised googling the subject, my snip went well. My wife cleared out the kids for the weekend. I drove myself home from the doctor and then sat on the couch all weekend with awesomely bad movies on TV and frozen veggies on my testicles.

Anonymous wrote:I know lots of men are willing to get snipped, but my DH is not one of them. He would prefer for me to have a tubal ligation after I have our final child in a couple of months. My OB says that I 100% should not have more children due to the health risks, and that our only two safe options are tubal ligation and vasectomy. Between these, the OB doesn't understand why DH would ever want to put my body through anything else since tube "tying" is more invasive than a vasectomy, etc.

I shared all of this with DH, who said that my female OB and I "just don't understand how men feel about these things." He then started in on how the incisions wouldn't even be that big for me, etc., so I said we should just talk about it in a couple of weeks. Short of withholding his beloved oral, how can I get him to come around? Have others had success with logic when dealing with so-called "manly men"?

Ask him to ask his male doctor for his opinion.

Anonymous wrote:here is a fun fact I recently learned. The most popular time for men to schedule vasectomies is during March madness so they can lay around and "recover" watching basketball all day.

I had mine done on Masters weekend. Sat around watched golf for two days.

Seriously, it's no big deal. From pants down to pants up, was 15 minutes, no real pain, mild soreness for a couple hours. I didn't need any meds, no tylenol, nothing. Back to usual self in no time.

As I told my wife, once you are shooting blanks, you can point your gun at anyone

I'm a DH who wants a vasectomy but has held off because DW strongly objects. She says the body is perfect and should not be cut unless necessary. In the meantime, we fool around with not so reliable birth control methods. It's her body.

So you have vascular issues, and your DH wants to risk you going under anesthesia for a surgery, just so he doesn't have to get a simple procedure that only requires topical anesthesia?

You married a selfish loser.

here is a fun fact I recently learned. The most popular time for men to schedule vasectomies is during March madness so they can lay around and "recover" watching basketball all day.

Sorry OP. DH did it for me about a month after we had DC. He knew my BIL and Father had done it and he never even blinked about doing it himself. Maybe if he talks to another guy who has had it that would help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go ahead and get my tubes tied.

And your DH is an ass.

OP here. That is what it is looking like. I brought it up again this morning, and DH pretty much blamed me for even raising it and not being eligible for "easier birth control options." I am pretty annoyed, since it wasn't exactly my idea to have permanent health problems (three vascular surgeries, an above average blood clot risk, and the need to take blood thinners) from bearing our children.

I also think that, putting those issues aside entirely, I did 10+ years of switching from brand to brand of the pill for one that didn't lead to breakthrough bleeding, followed by 5 years that involved 6 IUIs, 3 IVF cycles, and a bunch of FETs. When I said as much, he said "you don't even understand how selfish you sound right now."

What a jerk. Has he been selfish like this in other areas of your lives?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know lots of men are willing to get snipped, but my DH is not one of them. He would prefer for me to have a tubal ligation after I have our final child in a couple of months. My OB says that I 100% should not have more children due to the health risks, and that our only two safe options are tubal ligation and vasectomy. Between these, the OB doesn't understand why DH would ever want to put my body through anything else since tube "tying" is more invasive than a vasectomy, etc.

I shared all of this with DH, who said that my female OB and I "just don't understand how men feel about these things." He then started in on how the incisions wouldn't even be that big for me, etc., so I said we should just talk about it in a couple of weeks. Short of withholding his beloved oral, how can I get him to come around? Have others had success with logic when dealing with so-called "manly men"?

Great idea. Withhold sex to force he to make a life changing decision. Your OB said YOU shouldn't have more kids; not that HE shouldn't have more. Great idea just withhold sex until he leaves you.

We have 4, including twins, and he actively doesn't want any more. It is a "family" planning decision, which apparently means a "female-only problem" to him (and to you).

^^^ this would be a pretty major issue for me, OP. My DH is resistant to the idea in a visceral way, which I was willing to extend some sympathy on. He's not familiar with the procedure, or with the alternatives for me. And, TBF, I have had two easy pregnancies and deliveries, I have a pill that works for me, and I have no other issues other than, like a PP, I'd like to be done taking the pill at some point. We tabled the discussion because we may yet have a third, and because it caused a pretty significant rift between us, even just discussing in the abstract. But, I don't have much doubt that at the end of the day, he will come around to a point where we can at least weigh the options and decide together. If he was reacting like your DH, and I had your medical history/issues, I would have a really big problem with it.

One more anecdote, just for fun. A friend's DH got snipped and mentioned it at a party to another man (maybe TMI, but leaving that aside). The man said, in front of my friend, something to the effect of, well what if you want more children later? Friend's DH just stared at the guy like he had two heads and was like, my WIFE and I decided we don't want any more children and I don't plan to have a different wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go ahead and get my tubes tied.

And your DH is an ass.

OP here. That is what it is looking like. I brought it up again this morning, and DH pretty much blamed me for even raising it and not being eligible for "easier birth control options." I am pretty annoyed, since it wasn't exactly my idea to have permanent health problems (three vascular surgeries, an above average blood clot risk, and the need to take blood thinners) from bearing our children.

I also think that, putting those issues aside entirely, I did 10+ years of switching from brand to brand of the pill for one that didn't lead to breakthrough bleeding, followed by 5 years that involved 6 IUIs, 3 IVF cycles, and a bunch of FETs. When I said as much, he said "you don't even understand how selfish you sound right now."

Stop trying to convince him. Tell him you're not doing any type of BC and ask him what his options are. Condoms forever?