Anonymous
05/13/2017 19:13
Subject: Men who are ready and dive happily into relationships
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
The "out of your league" thing isn't necessarily accurate, but the rest of it is spot on. The men you are dating are "just not that into you".
PP here. If it happens once or twice it can be a bad match. If it's a pattern she's shooting out of her league.
Men can be insecure and believe you're out of their league. Either way, the connection isn't what it should be. People need to be honest about how they really feel, whether they have strong feelings for someone, are lukewarm, feel insecure, etc.
When I was dating and looking for a husband, I did feel less of a connection, or felt some kind of lack or detected some kind of problem, with those guys who I would accuse of being not that into me, putting all the responsibility on them and making them feel guilty. We just weren't right for each other and didn't completely click. I was just more willing to overlook that since I wanted to get married.
Anonymous
05/13/2017 17:59
Subject: Men who are ready and dive happily into relationships
Anonymous wrote:
The "out of your league" thing isn't necessarily accurate, but the rest of it is spot on. The men you are dating are "just not that into you".
PP here. If it happens once or twice it can be a bad match. If it's a pattern she's shooting out of her league.
Anonymous
05/13/2017 15:02
Subject: Men who are ready and dive happily into relationships
Anonymous wrote:14:45 here. I'm sure my post sounds arrogant, but it isn't meant to be.
It's not that there's anything fantastic about me. I think I just tended to avoid guys I could tell weren't into me, so I never found myself in a long-term relationship with someone who was just with me out of fear of being alone.
This! I had this issue with my first boyfriend in undergrad. After I ended that relationship I only dated men who adored me. I'm Muslim and Muslim men tend to marry young and date briefly before marriage. I dated my dh 1 year before our wedding.
Anonymous
05/13/2017 14:55
Subject: Men who are ready and dive happily into relationships
14:45 here again.
While I do think it is a red flag if you have to "chase" a guy, I also think it's a red flag if a guy pursues you too hard.
I think if the relationship is one-sided (one person is the pursued and the other does all of the chasing), that just doesn't set a very good stage for a partnership.
I think you also run the risk of being cheated on. Some guys love the pursuit. But when they have you, the thrill is gone and they want to pursue something else.
I just can't imagine being in a long-term relationship where games always have to be played (like the person references about being coy). I don't think that leads to a strong marriage, the kind of marriage that withstands difficult times or tragedies.
To OP, you have to strike the right balance. It's really hard to make a relationship out of one person chasing another. That's fine for a fling.
The other thing that no one has mentioned is that maybe if you are doing all of this "chasing," you seem desperate, which scares people away. No person (man or woman) wants to feel like they are being put on a track. If you seem too fixated on marriage, it can make people feel like you aren't really interested (or even pursuing them); rather, you are in pursuit of some goal, and they're just filling the spot.
While I do think it is a red flag if you have to "chase" a guy, I also think it's a red flag if a guy pursues you too hard.
I think if the relationship is one-sided (one person is the pursued and the other does all of the chasing), that just doesn't set a very good stage for a partnership.
I think you also run the risk of being cheated on. Some guys love the pursuit. But when they have you, the thrill is gone and they want to pursue something else.
I just can't imagine being in a long-term relationship where games always have to be played (like the person references about being coy). I don't think that leads to a strong marriage, the kind of marriage that withstands difficult times or tragedies.
To OP, you have to strike the right balance. It's really hard to make a relationship out of one person chasing another. That's fine for a fling.
The other thing that no one has mentioned is that maybe if you are doing all of this "chasing," you seem desperate, which scares people away. No person (man or woman) wants to feel like they are being put on a track. If you seem too fixated on marriage, it can make people feel like you aren't really interested (or even pursuing them); rather, you are in pursuit of some goal, and they're just filling the spot.
Anonymous
05/13/2017 14:46
Subject: Men who are ready and dive happily into relationships
14:45 here. I'm sure my post sounds arrogant, but it isn't meant to be.
It's not that there's anything fantastic about me. I think I just tended to avoid guys I could tell weren't into me, so I never found myself in a long-term relationship with someone who was just with me out of fear of being alone.
It's not that there's anything fantastic about me. I think I just tended to avoid guys I could tell weren't into me, so I never found myself in a long-term relationship with someone who was just with me out of fear of being alone.