Anonymous
04/16/2017 01:54
Subject: DH doesn't believe in Grand Gestures
Anonymous wrote:Married almost 20 years here, happily married. I'm just going to make some sweeping generalizations, so get ready. In general:
Men don't think that way. Stop expecting your DH to read your mind and know what you want, and imagine what it's like to be you and dealing with all the stuff that you have to deal with. If he could do that, he'd be your girlfriend, not your DH.
Tell him what you want. NOT "I want to you fill up the gas tank for me every now and then." But "Honey, can you fill up the gas tank?"
NOT "You didn't get me anything for Mother's Day." but "Honey, Sunday May 12 is Mother's Day, and since the kids are too little, I need you to make me pancakes. And a cute card from the kids" or "I'd like a silver necklace from X store."
Ok sure, not as romantic. But realistic. And the road you are starting to go down in your OP is not going to lead anywhere but to disappointment.
And then when you ask him to do something specific, he does it, be happy!
This times a thousand.
I grew up watching my mother constantly pout whenever my father didn't give her the right kind of present/celebration on valentine's day/their aniversary/her birthday which all fall within a three-month period. I decided early on in my marriage I was going communicate clearly what I wanted as a gift or celebration. Less suprises but less drama and disappointment
Anonymous
04/15/2017 20:35
Subject: DH doesn't believe in Grand Gestures
Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure at this point if this is you or him. Are we talking about basic consideration for you, like checking in with you if you would like a cup of coffee when he is getting up to get one? Or are we talking about you making a crucible out of every Hallmark holiday and feeling slighted if he has not recognized it and you in some way?
The former is not acceptable in any partner. The latter is you making an issue and being a diva and frankly being impossible to live with.
Gets it
Anonymous
04/15/2017 20:27
Subject: DH doesn't believe in Grand Gestures
Anonymous wrote:Married almost 20 years here, happily married. I'm just going to make some sweeping generalizations, so get ready. In general:
Men don't think that way. Stop expecting your DH to read your mind and know what you want, and imagine what it's like to be you and dealing with all the stuff that you have to deal with. If he could do that, he'd be your girlfriend, not your DH.
Tell him what you want. NOT "I want to you fill up the gas tank for me every now and then." But "Honey, can you fill up the gas tank?"
NOT "You didn't get me anything for Mother's Day." but "Honey, Sunday May 12 is Mother's Day, and since the kids are too little, I need you to make me pancakes. And a cute card from the kids" or "I'd like a silver necklace from X store."
Ok sure, not as romantic. But realistic. And the road you are starting to go down in your OP is not going to lead anywhere but to disappointment.
And then when you ask him to do something specific, he does it, be happy!
Naaaahhhhhh. Make sure to do many nice things for DH and ask for nothing in return.
Then when you run out of gas someday on a clogged road with DC in the car see how he acts.
Odds are you will be impressed.