An almost tenured-faculty member in their 30s? Why aren't you married and having kids? If you don't want to/that life is not for you, see your married w/ kids friends when possible but find confirmed bachelor's like yourself to socialize with. Also, academia is tough--you are more likely to get divorced then they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know I do think this thread is revealing something that is rarely talked about in modern parenting. Like sure sh*$ is hard and everything and you're tired. But people LIKE spending time with their kids. I really kind of enjoy all the guys on here talking about how they really would rather spend time with their kids than going to a bar.

I feel like we should talk about how freaking cool little kids can be more often. It seems like all anyone talks about these days is cleaning up poop and vomit and walking around like a zombie barely holding on to one's sanity. I watched my kid discover what a garden hose does yesterday and it was awesome!

+1 ... its refreshing to see how many people like to actually hang out with their kids! I LOVE my kids and I LOVE that my DH prefers to come home early to see his daughters rather than go out for a drink with the guys. I always, always, always am accommodating to him when he wants to go out to happy hours, or hang out with his guy friends but more times than not he would prefer to get home early and hear the pitter patter of his daughters feet as she runs screaming "daddy" and gives him a big hug at night. Seriously its worth a million happy hours to just get that every night!

+1! My DH likes to go to happy hour on occasion but I honestly never see him as happy as he looks when our DD spots him when he's coming home from work and starts toddling as fast as she can to see him! It lights him up, so sexy and really moving.

How many guys do you have weekly dinners with? There's only 7 days a week for weekly get togethers.

Anonymous wrote:You know I do think this thread is revealing something that is rarely talked about in modern parenting. Like sure sh*$ is hard and everything and you're tired. But people LIKE spending time with their kids. I really kind of enjoy all the guys on here talking about how they really would rather spend time with their kids than going to a bar.

I feel like we should talk about how freaking cool little kids can be more often. It seems like all anyone talks about these days is cleaning up poop and vomit and walking around like a zombie barely holding on to one's sanity. I watched my kid discover what a garden hose does yesterday and it was awesome!

+1 ... its refreshing to see how many people like to actually hang out with their kids! I LOVE my kids and I LOVE that my DH prefers to come home early to see his daughters rather than go out for a drink with the guys. I always, always, always am accommodating to him when he wants to go out to happy hours, or hang out with his guy friends but more times than not he would prefer to get home early and hear the pitter patter of his daughters feet as she runs screaming "daddy" and gives him a big hug at night. Seriously its worth a million happy hours to just get that every night!

They are prioritizing time with their children over time with you. If their kids are quite young, that means rushing home from work to see them before they are asleep. It means spending time with them during waking hours on weekends. In their "spare" time after 8-9PM each night, they are trying to catch up on stuff they would've done if they hadn't been spending time with their kids (laundry, bills, replacing the do-hicky that's broken, etc.).

Anonymous wrote:You know I do think this thread is revealing something that is rarely talked about in modern parenting. Like sure sh*$ is hard and everything and you're tired. But people LIKE spending time with their kids. I really kind of enjoy all the guys on here talking about how they really would rather spend time with their kids than going to a bar.

I feel like we should talk about how freaking cool little kids can be more often. It seems like all anyone talks about these days is cleaning up poop and vomit and walking around like a zombie barely holding on to one's sanity. I watched my kid discover what a garden hose does yesterday and it was awesome!

Great point!!
I'd MUCH rather spend time with my kids than some dude I used to hang with 10 years ago that I barely have anything in common with anymore.
I mean seriously - how entertaining is reminiscing about old shit?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wait til they get divorced. Bet they will wanna talk extensively then. Of course, they won't want the same treatment of radio silence when they are suddenly "in need."

I guess the saying of you are the company you keep rings true...

You know I do think this thread is revealing something that is rarely talked about in modern parenting. Like sure sh*$ is hard and everything and you're tired. But people LIKE spending time with their kids. I really kind of enjoy all the guys on here talking about how they really would rather spend time with their kids than going to a bar.

I feel like we should talk about how freaking cool little kids can be more often. It seems like all anyone talks about these days is cleaning up poop and vomit and walking around like a zombie barely holding on to one's sanity. I watched my kid discover what a garden hose does yesterday and it was awesome!

OP, you sound high maintenance. Another PP said it well that you appear to need tending. There is only so much capacity for tending that people can expend and kids will almost always take it up.

You haven't said whether you have tried to get together with your friends with their wife and kids, maybe bringing some food to their houses to hang out, on occasion? If not, you seem to only want to do what you think is fun and haven't evolved to try keeping up the friendships in different ways that would give you actual time with your friends.

I don't know what to say about the non-response to the texts but if it is frequent, like wanting weekly drinks, you need to take the hint in the silence.

Dude...you become a parent and your WHOLE PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE CHANGES. Not looking at life thru the spectrum of what's fun and what's cool anymore...looking at life thru the spectrum of what's important and what's not important and as other posters have alluded to - uhhh...you ain't important bruh.

You saying: "Wow, we've been friends for xx years and remember all the good times we had hanging out?"

Him thinking: "Wow, I wonder how Katie's kindergarten play rehearsal went today...I hope she's not still nervous."

Him saying: "Huh? Oh, yeah yeah...good times yeah."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wait til they get divorced. Bet they will wanna talk extensively then. Of course, they won't want the same treatment of radio silence when they are suddenly "in need."

The ones who are spending time with their family instead of going to art museums with you on the weekend are a lot less likely to end up divorced. But I understand why you aren't married and dealing with kids yet!

Haha, yeah, it's becoming more and more apparent why OP is being ghosted by his friends.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wait til they get divorced. Bet they will wanna talk extensively then. Of course, they won't want the same treatment of radio silence when they are suddenly "in need."

Ah. Tell me more. I think I'm beginning to understand why they're ghosting.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wait til they get divorced. Bet they will wanna talk extensively then. Of course, they won't want the same treatment of radio silence when they are suddenly "in need."

The ones who are spending time with their family instead of going to art museums with you on the weekend are a lot less likely to end up divorced. But I understand why you aren't married and dealing with kids yet!

I work longer hours than my husband. While it used to be fine if he went out for a drink after work and then we both got home around 8pm, now he has to get home to relieve the nanny.

But also, even when I DO get home early or work from home, if he gets home at 6:30, he only has an hour and a half with them before bedtime. He'd rather give his daughters baths and read to them and hear about their day than go drink two beers with you.

Relationships evolve. Have you tried going to a park/ having a picnic / etc . Where the kids can come along? You may need to involve the family to maintain the friendship. And that's ok.