Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't give up a real relationship and marriage over a fantasy.

This. I'm shocked at all the people telling you to leave someone you love for someone that doesn't want to be with you. How absurd.

Be grateful for what you have, OP.

I wonder how OP's fiancee feels about being the object of him "having to be grateful."

Is this what she wants?

We'll never know, because OP is not disclosing critical information to her.

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell your fiancee what's going on with you. Show her this thread. She deserves to have all the information before going ahead with a decision to marry you. This isn't the olden days, where a woman's only choice in life is to accept whatever bozo will marry her.

Couldn't agree more. You are robbing her of her agency by keeping this type of information from her. Your selfish behavior impacts not just her but her kids.

OP: you are a moronic idiot. Get married. Forget about the other woman.

I was once like you. Married one while in love with another. LOL (love of my life), college sweetheart, was also married. Resented DW for the first several years of the marriage. Then had a long marriage and a divorce. 25 years after I was married I got back together with the LOL, but she turned out to not be that great after all. She had problems. LOL has a few divorces and lots of lovers, and she's unhappy. We didn't last long together.

I was wrong to have loved her before and to have thought about her so much.

OP: you are a man. Turn on the rational part of your brain and start acting like a man.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't give up a real relationship and marriage over a fantasy.

This. I'm shocked at all the people telling you to leave someone you love for someone that doesn't want to be with you. How absurd.

Be grateful for what you have, OP.

Omg, for the sake of the damn kids that everyone keeps having and not giving a shit about when their own personal issues are not resolved, call this shit off. You are clearly one of those guys who always wants what he cannot have. You will probably end up divorced again. The wife might move on but what about the kids? Just stop.

Tell your fiancé. Showing her this thread would work. Let her decide if she wants to call off the wedding. 2 months out is a lot better than 2 weeks out.

You and fiancée both have kids already. You're not just screwing with her life, but the lives of children. You'll make a mess of your second marriage, and then what? Are you going to marry a third time?

The only way you might salvage this new marriage is if you swear, starting today, to stop all contact with the other woman AND to tell your fiancée about what's been going on so that she can decide for herself what she wants.

It's annoying for your guests to have to cancel non-refundable plane tickets if you call off the wedding.

It's really disgusting if you make them fly to you, pay for a hotel, take up their time off, make them buy you gifts, only to announce your marriage is over a few months later.

OP, sorry to be harsh, but you sound like a basket case. This is your second marriage, and you seem to be the type that will soon be on his third, then fourth marriage, whenever your next fixation comes along.

Crushes are normal. Married people have them, sometimes many of them throughout a marriage. Many of us married folks can also find intense chemistry and either love or what feels like love with others while married. It happens. We are human, monogamy is hard, blah blah blah. The difference is the reaction - do you trash your marriage and your family or you enjoy it for what it is and recognize that all feelings fade over time.

It's folks like you that believe these passing infatuations are tru luv which is strange enough, but you leave children and broken homes in your wake.

Why did your first marriage end? Why do you want more children?

I would call off the wedding and get thee into therapy.

OP, tell your fiancee what's going on with you. Show her this thread. She deserves to have all the information before going ahead with a decision to marry you. This isn't the olden days, where a woman's only choice in life is to accept whatever bozo will marry her.

Anonymous wrote:I am going to play devil's advocate here.....he said he doesn't even know how this other chick feels about him. He has someone solid who wants to commit to him. Love ain't all its cracked up to be. Maybe they can be committed to each other and the love will come later and then this thing with this woman will fade in to the distant. No she isn't a bird as mentioned before but she is a solid person who is willing to do right by him.

This is possible. People do pair up and marry someone who is maybe not even their first choice (maybe that person married someone else?) but it can become a more passionate pairing as time goes by. It depends on the two people and how respectful they are of each other.

Anonymous wrote:OMG I would be furious that you married me because I was kind. Seriously, that's the best you can say about her? I want someone who adores me. Who, when we walk into a room, thinks "I'm the luckiest guy here".

I'm not the prettiest woman, I've gained weight, and the sex has slowed down. But I know DH thinks that about me and I of him. And it's gotten us through some really really tough times.

Please don't marry this woman. Not because of the fantasy woman you have on the side. But because you don't love her enough. There isn't enough there to get you through the tough times.

Ps-the way you stop calling this other woman is take her number out of your contacts, unfriend her on social media and block her number. AND this woman, who BTW, totally knows you are crazy about her, is not a nice woman. She knows you are engaged and yet still is using you to feed her ego.

This - she's a jerk. I know the type!

Anonymous wrote:Either cut this woman off, or call off the wedding. You are emotionally intimate with her, and it's preventing you from being fully present to your fiancé. Single woman is getting what she wants - a piece of you without the obligations of s real relationship. You're stuck in a fantasy with her. You can't have both, op. You have to makes decision.

I personally hate the women who do this kind of thing - sucking the life out of some guy just for her own selfish kicks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't give up a real relationship and marriage over a fantasy.

OP here, that is my thought. I have something real. She is a sweet wonderful woman who I am about to marry. Why give her up for someone I am not even positive loves me even a little. Bird in the hand concept. To the previous user, to some extent yeah that is my plan let it fade away once I am married cause I won't be able to be in contact with her to the level I am now.

Not a great plan, what happens if you do see her rarely? All those feelings are going to come rushing back in and you will be elated only to later be crushed because she is gone again. To your wife you will be all happy in and good mode then slump in to a depression and she will have no clue why. Eventually she will label you as moddy and unpredictable behavior and divorce you.

This is extreme projection - you have quite the imagination.

Well, the work woman must not love you because if she did she'd come right around to marriage and kids and whatever else you think is important.
So, you're being a bit of a fool. If you do get married you have to have a lot less contact with her so you aren't disrupting your marriage. You shouldn't be doing anything with her every day - no texting, emailing, chatting - nothing every day.
And your fiancé should be introduced to her as your friend - you shouldn't be doing anything behind her back. And when all three of you are together you should be very attentive to your fiancé/wife.

Lastly you should start friendships with other people - preferably some guys.
You shouldn't be having all of your 'friendship needs' met by this one gal.