This thread has strangely been on my mind lately as I am a lurker and read it a few days ago. I'm surprised that so many people said that it wouldn't bother them at all, or even that someone said it made them really sad.

I am a 33 year old mother of 3 young children with a combined income of around 200 but significant student loan debt. My retired mother consistently does the same thing to us and its actually harming our relationship. She wants to be invited places with us (i.e., acts passive aggressively if not invited when the kids tell her about going places), but yet when we go she acts like she's never heard of the concept of money. If I bite the bullet and tell her straight out to pay for herself, she gets huffy and acts angry which influences the mood of the outing.

I'm happy to treat my mom to nice birthday/holiday/Mother's day gifts, and to pick up the tab occasionally, but whats up with this idea of the adult children always paying when we have significantly more costs to absorb? We have student loan debt, 2 mortgages (one rental), college savings, a car loan. She has adequate savings and a pension.

Its not cultural as we are white bread Catholics.

Okay vent over.

It's your mom... of course you pay!

No one who "gets talked into" something deserves sympathy
Or gets to then define what "should" happen
Grow up, Op. Take charge. Spend responsibly.
If for no other reason, to set a good example for your daughter

Anonymous wrote:First I invited my mom to go to an ice skating show with my daughters. I bought her ticket. Before we went I bought her food at a restaurant as well. When we go there I spent nearly 100 more dollars on more food/snacks. She didnt offer to buy anything. She also kept eating my daughters popcorn so they kept running out.

Now, I bought tickets to go to the movies. I originally wanted my husband to go with us but she talked me into letting her go. I know that I'm going to have to buy everything and I cant just buy stuff for myself and my girls without offering her something, I feel rude.

I thought it was just common sense to pay for your own food, especially if someone bought you the tickets? It pretty much ruins my mood...

It sounds like you don't have a good relationship. I would never dream of this even being a thing with my mom. We are at the point where I treat most of the time, but she will occasionally pick up the check for something.

This is so interesting. My parents let us pay for everything and hide from the check (like the alligator with too short arms, that's my dad) and my DHs won't let us buy a thing--not even a coffee!!-- when we're with them.
Your issue is boundaries though OP. You wanted your DH to go to the movie but your mom talked you into taking her instead? That's where your problem lies.

It's just you, OP. Why are you nickel and diming your own mother? Did she not raise you? Feed you? Clothe you? Take you to the movies? Out to eat? And now you are griping about paying for her to see a movie, an ice skating show, some popcorn, and a damn meal? How cheap can someone get? At best, you're petty and entitled AF. I can't wait until you are in this same situation with your own daughters You deserve a taste of your own medicine.

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could take my parents to a restaurant or out to a movie. Sadly they passed away 11 years ago.
When they were still around I was happy to pay for stuff for them. After all they've paid for so much for me when I was growing up.

Unless you can't afford it I'd let it go.

Thank you for your touching post, you instantly put life into perspective & it's fragility, and especially how often we who are lucky enough to still have our parents here with us take It for granted. Are you listening, OP??

I'm so very sorry for your loss...

Stop at Target before heading to the movies. Buy everyone a candy bar and sneak it in. Done.

I can't wait until my son is married with two toddlers. I will spend so much time with them and enjoy him and his working wife paying my fare at every restaurant, trip, and outing.
That's the way it should be.