Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest child is only 8 but I would totally visit him once a month. I probably won't but I would. I don't think that is necessarily being a helicopter parent.

I don't think anything in your story sounds especially strange except the crashing the frat trip. That is absolutely ridiculous. I think it is fine for the parents to say no to paying for the actual frat trip though.

Are they from another culture?

Traveling 12+ hours each way to visit your kid at college on a monthly basis is...a lot. College kids can always go home to visit their parents if they want a break. Also, constant texts and calls? Approving his dates? None of this sounds strange to you?

This! Constant texts and calls to a kid in college? OP you are are setting yourself up for a lot of frustration if you stay involved with the mother. I don't think this situation for your friend can be resolved without a lot of therapy and frankly, re-engineering the family dynamic. And when you gently try to talk reason to the Mom you will be the enemy. You will be caught in the middle forever. Get out now, this is the perfect time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest child is only 8 but I would totally visit him once a month. I probably won't but I would. I don't think that is necessarily being a helicopter parent.

I don't think anything in your story sounds especially strange except the crashing the frat trip. That is absolutely ridiculous. I think it is fine for the parents to say no to paying for the actual frat trip though.

Are they from another culture?

Traveling 12+ hours each way to visit your kid at college on a monthly basis is...a lot. College kids can always go home to visit their parents if they want a break. Also, constant texts and calls? Approving his dates? None of this sounds strange to you?

Pp here. I was half joking. I also hate being in the car for long distances so I would probably fly.

I hate to do this, to focus blame on the woman, but seriously, the mom here has mental health problems. She needs to get help. OP has clearly described someone with a personality disorder. The dad enables her, and then escapes once a month with the only acceptable excuse of going to spend time with the son at college.

Anonymous wrote:Childfree person who grew up in the 1970s here to say,

Great work, everybody.

Jesus, people, what have you all done to the next generation?

Um, many of us with children are appalled at what OP is describing. So it's not "you all."

Childfree person who grew up in the 1970s here to say,

Great work, everybody.

Jesus, people, what have you all done to the next generation?

Jesus H. Christ! What is wrong with parents today, here? Where are they from? I mean, I am an immigrant, from a strict Eastern Europe family and this is just nuts. And there are pps here who think these parents are right! That is what is even more messed up. I let my DS drive at age 16, 4 hours to a sport's event, booked him in a Bed and Breakfast. He was responsible and he has been going on his own to his sport's competitions all around Mid Atlantic. While hilarious to imagine as some kind of comedy show, this is sad for the kid. Sure, he should have asked them for money, if they would be willing to pay, and they can say yes or no. Your SIL is NUTS. Is she maniac depressive? Please tell me that this is not how many American families are. I know I have no advice and my post isn't helpful, but can this be for real?

My husband and the father are cousins but extremely close, grew up almost like brothers. The mother and I went to college together, were sorority sisters and went on spring breaks together and she introduced my husband and I. Their kids call us "Aunt and Uncle" and vice versa. We hang out together - sometimes even take a trip together.

I feel like I just keep trashing them here and I feel a bit bad but being in a frat is about "appearances" to them. You go to college, you join a frat, then you go to law/business school ... ykwim? Since the golden child went off to college I've been trying to be compassionate and gentle with mom. She had a really hard time letting him go. Would burst into tears at the dinner table because he wasn't there, stuff like that. Dad is happy about it because I think he is living a bit vicariously through his son, monthly trips to go golfing and hang out around campus, but he is still controlling the purse strings and keeping a close eye on him.

The most ironic thing in all this is mom moved as far from home as possible to get away from her meddling parents, who wouldn't allow her to marry until she got a master's degree among other things. She doesn't see that she is going to do the same thing to her sons. As for dad, my DH has mentioned that he has always been controlling in all his relationships but as far as I know my DH's aunt and uncle never smothered/controlled their children.

The poor kid.

I have a child with some special needs, and I have always been perceived as a helicopter parent by others who did not know my child couldn't cross the street safely by himself, to give one example.

So I would understand these parents' actions if their child was disabled in some way. However, if their child is perfectly functional and has been turned into a bratty, needy, kid through their unjustified actions all his life, then these parents truly have a lot to answer for. What a huge disservice to their kid!

I would stay out of it, and refuse to be drawn into any conversation about that subject.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest child is only 8 but I would totally visit him once a month. I probably won't but I would. I don't think that is necessarily being a helicopter parent.

I don't think anything in your story sounds especially strange except the crashing the frat trip. That is absolutely ridiculous. I think it is fine for the parents to say no to paying for the actual frat trip though.

Are they from another culture?

Visiting once a month for a 4 day weekend to your kid's college is pretty over the top....how does that give your kid time to settle in if on weekend number two of college you're there for the whole time? That seems really stifling to their friendships and I'm not sure about anyone else, but I certainly couldn't spend an entire 4 days entertaining my father every month, I needed to study and write papers.

Ditto. I went to college 3 hours away from home and my parents only came to visit if they were coming to see my music group perform or once when my dad was visiting the campus for a recruiting event. Monthly visits are way over the top. I don't know anyone who had a parent visit that often.

Anonymous wrote:My oldest child is only 8 but I would totally visit him once a month. I probably won't but I would. I don't think that is necessarily being a helicopter parent.

I don't think anything in your story sounds especially strange except the crashing the frat trip. That is absolutely ridiculous. I think it is fine for the parents to say no to paying for the actual frat trip though.

Are they from another culture?

Visiting once a month for a 4 day weekend to your kid's college is pretty over the top....how does that give your kid time to settle in if on weekend number two of college you're there for the whole time? That seems really stifling to their friendships and I'm not sure about anyone else, but I certainly couldn't spend an entire 4 days entertaining my father every month, I needed to study and write papers.

oh god, I hope i won't be like this to my only child. I don't think I am or will be but let's see how he will be as a teenager. I can't guaranteed his father will back away.
oh god, let it not be me.

For someone who hovers around their golden child, why did they let him join the frat?? Do they think it's a group that's worth joining?

Anonymous wrote:My oldest child is only 8 but I would totally visit him once a month. I probably won't but I would. I don't think that is necessarily being a helicopter parent.

I don't think anything in your story sounds especially strange except the crashing the frat trip. That is absolutely ridiculous. I think it is fine for the parents to say no to paying for the actual frat trip though.

Are they from another culture?

Traveling 12+ hours each way to visit your kid at college on a monthly basis is...a lot. College kids can always go home to visit their parents if they want a break. Also, constant texts and calls? Approving his dates? None of this sounds strange to you?

PP here. Mother attending any frat event is ridiculous.

My oldest child is only 8 but I would totally visit him once a month. I probably won't but I would. I don't think that is necessarily being a helicopter parent.

I don't think anything in your story sounds especially strange except the crashing the frat trip. That is absolutely ridiculous. I think it is fine for the parents to say no to paying for the actual frat trip though.

Are they from another culture?

Mna here. I agree with DH -- it's hilarious. Especially where they wanted to rent a house next to his frat's spring break party.

Just don't get involved, and laugh from afar.

My guess is the kid will crash big-time from all this helicoptering. Drug addiction? Porn star? Rock band? Let's see...