What hurts is these people were abusive to me. They were terrible for years. I'd forgive them and resume a relationship with them just to be abused again because they weren't getting their way. We're in the in between abuse part of the relationship with the in laws. DH has it in his head that all is ok and they aren't going to do it again.

Agree with pp that you need to approach this calmly. There is a really big problem here. It needs to be recognized and fixed. You don't want him to do something differently because you're crying and upset. You want him to see that his way of dealing with his family is out of whack and comes from a place of total dysfunction. I don't think you alone can get him to see that. Channel your anger into finding a really good therapist to help you.

I'm almost reminded of people being told to "do the 180" when they discover a spouse's infidelity. Maybe someone has a link to it. Basically instead of chasing him, you calmly disengage. I have a gut feeling this would be a better approach for you.

What hurts is he's still fishing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well since I called bawling and he continued to discuss fishing in the background with his dad. I texted him and said "DD and I will be staying with my sister for a few days". He said "you're leaving me because I went fishing with my dad" someone please help me put to words why I'm so angry. I tried to explain that he doesn't put DD and I first.

Don't try to reason with him. Just reply "yes." He sees you as an early target and makes you the insane one. Ignore him. Later on, if he calls or text, you can text, don't talk, "Let me know when you get your priorities straight and grow up. We can talk then." Don't argue, don't say please, don't make him try to "see" reason. Stop all of that. Short and brutal.

^^easy target

Order groceries via Instacart or take Uber. No need to suffer silently.

Anonymous wrote:Well since I called bawling and he continued to discuss fishing in the background with his dad. I texted him and said "DD and I will be staying with my sister for a few days". He said "you're leaving me because I went fishing with my dad" someone please help me put to words why I'm so angry. I tried to explain that he doesn't put DD and I first.

Don't try to reason with him. Just reply "yes." He sees you as an early target and makes you the insane one. Ignore him. Later on, if he calls or text, you can text, don't talk, "Let me know when you get your priorities straight and grow up. We can talk then." Don't argue, don't say please, don't make him try to "see" reason. Stop all of that. Short and brutal.

Anonymous wrote:Well since I called bawling and he continued to discuss fishing in the background with his dad. I texted him and said "DD and I will be staying with my sister for a few days". He said "you're leaving me because I went fishing with my dad" someone please help me put to words why I'm so angry. I tried to explain that he doesn't put DD and I first.

You do not respond. Go to your sister's, have calm down, have a little wine (don't get shitshow drunk), and write down your talking points. Text him tomorrow morning, and ask to speak with him tomorrow evening after work. Have this discussion when you are both calm.

If you can't have a calm discussion, then make an appointment with a therapist tomorrow, and send him the information. Talk this issue out with the help of a third party.

Anonymous wrote:Well since I called bawling and he continued to discuss fishing in the background with his dad. I texted him and said "DD and I will be staying with my sister for a few days". He said "you're leaving me because I went fishing with my dad" someone please help me put to words why I'm so angry. I tried to explain that he doesn't put DD and I first.

"No, I'm leaving because you left me in the house with no car and no food." would be my response. He needs counseling, with or without you.

This sounds exactly like my ex-fiancé, OP. We would have to drive around the beltway every weekend because his sister was "hosting brunch", which mean she was pouring some Minute Maid, and opening a box of Entenmann's.

If I asked to take a weekend off, they would all lose their minds at me.

Well since I called bawling and he continued to discuss fishing in the background with his dad. I texted him and said "DD and I will be staying with my sister for a few days". He said "you're leaving me because I went fishing with my dad" someone please help me put to words why I'm so angry. I tried to explain that he doesn't put DD and I first.

This sounds like a complete Stockholm victim syndrome. Your DH needs help. He keeps going and begging for more abuse, and as I result neglects his real family, you and his DD. He has been conditioned from birth to take this, it is typical behavior of a victim/narcissists parents, the child is always wrong and the child(in this case a grown up a** man) buys this and feels it is his fault and he should do better. Best solution would be to move 2 thousand miles away from them and not pick up the phone ever.

Anonymous wrote:First off let me say DH spends every Sunday with his parents and sister. I typically join once a month maybe twice. Honestly, I wish he wouldn't spent half of his time off at his mom and dad's instead of at home with his family but I understand they are important too. Well today the house is a disaster and we're out of groceries. We have stuff for pb&j sandwiches. My car is in the shop. So on to the issue. Despite DD(1 year old) and me being stuck at home with no groceries, he's fishing with his dad. They took a day trip.

Yes, I would

These people are nuts.

Get. Out.

Last year they tried to break up our marriage. They went full on crazy and DH got into it with his mother and sister to where he didn't speak to them for months. He still tried so hard to have a relationship with his dad. Last summer he constantly invited his dad fishing and his dad kept turning him down. His dad had time to go fishing with his son in law but completely replaced DH. He replaced him with his son in laws brother who had just gotten out of prison. Never even invited DH. Plus we ran into FIL while he was out with his son in law(SIL's DH) and get this...DH waved to him and FIL looked dead at him and walked away.

Counseling, counseling, counseling. He thinks this is normal because he doesn't know any differently. He needs something to open his eyes, perhaps a third party will be able to do that.