As a part of a pattern of abuse my ex-wife threw my laptop computer against the wall and broke it. When the police came they refused to even file a report because "they didn't see it happen". The judge didn't care about a series of these incidents.

Anonymous wrote:No. Anger control issues. But not DV.

This. But I agree that it can definitely be an early warning sign. Throwing objects doesn't mean you will become abusive. But abusers typically have a past of starting off this way.

It is domestic violence. The act is violent, even if it is not a physical assault. Ask the same question, what if the child care provider / teacher that your child sees daily did the same thing? Or if a boss did something like that? It would be domestic violence and there would certainly be room for a legal prosecution. In a marriage, the exact same behaviors are no more acceptable.

Punching a hole in a wall (damaging property to intimidate), throwing things (creating a harmful environment) is domestic violence.


From the Department of Justice:

"We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person."

https://www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence

22:40 nailed it. But for the legal issues, let's put it this way - I just did a protection order hearing, and a good part of the testimony was the throwing of bottles at the wall behind someone. Did the judge care about the bottles being thrown and breaking at the wall behind the person? You bet he did. Was that the only factor in the hearing? No, but the judge absolutely took the thrown bottles into consideration.

But again, like, 22:40 said, if you're arguing over where the exact line in your house is that crosses over to domestic violence, you need help.

It is a threat. It's abuse.

Stop throwing plates and forks at your husband.

It won't end well.

Yes, DV.
It certainly is not done to show love or comfort. It creates fear.
The object being hit is a substitute for the person.

Anonymous wrote:
Yes.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Anger control issues. But not DV.

This.

This would not get you arrested for DV. Stop looking to label everything that is an argument "domestic violence" because it really waters down the situations that TRULY ARE domestic violence. I will never understand why so many women on this board are eager to be a "victim" of something that is not abuse.

Wome who label such behavior are not victims. Labeling and calling out behavior is empowering because it links us to other experiences. when we have a name for something we can talk about it with others, we can research it, we can learn about it and how to prevent or stop it.

We did not have the power to stop rape of women by their intimate partners until we had the phrases "date rape" and "marital rape". Language is power; something the verbal or emotional abuser knows all too well.

Yes, absolutely this is DV and verbally and physically abusive behavior and it's a common warning sign that worse is to come for a person who stays in a relationship like this.

OP, please go to loveisrespect.org and read up on healthy relationships and characteristics of abusive relationships.

FWIW, speaking as a person who was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship, I think that it's unwise to focus on whether behavior fits the term "domestic violence". There are healthy and unhealthy behaviors in relationships. Unhealthy behaviors may be one-offs or recurring. You may call them "unhealthy" or "abusive" or "domestic violence" or some other descriptor. You may focus on labelling it verbal or emotional or physical. But, the reality that we seem to lose sight of in these relationships (because of the psychological conditioning by the perpetrator and society) is that people never need a reason to leave a relationship. Your relationship does not have to meet the definition of one of these words for you to end it.

Focusing on the language is a red herring just like arguing whether a person is or is not an alcoholic (they still have a drinking problem or drink enough that you simply don't want to be around them) or arguing whether a dictator has committed genocide or not (they've still killed thousands of people).

They behavior is something that you don't want in your life regardless of what label it deserves.

Anonymous wrote:No. Anger control issues. But not DV.

IANAL, so I can't say if it meets the legal definition but I pretty strongly disagree - it's an overt threat of physical harm expressed in a violent action in order to dominate and control someone and that meets the "DV" criteria in any kind of diagnostic sense.

Anonymous wrote:No. Anger control issues. But not DV.

This.

This would not get you arrested for DV. Stop looking to label everything that is an argument "domestic violence" because it really waters down the situations that TRULY ARE domestic violence. I will never understand why so many women on this board are eager to be a "victim" of something that is not abuse.

Anonymous wrote:Former prosecutor here. DV frequently seemed to begin this way and over time escalated to physical violence. I would see it as a huge red flag and get out before it gets worse.

This. If it feels threatening to you, get the hell out. Putting a fist though a wall is where I draw the line.

No, but definitely in need of counseling. I'm a woman and I throw objects to get my anger out, but when no one else is at home.

Yes it is DV.