Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:straight woman married to a bi guy for 15 years here & still going strong.

We have been monogamous up until recently, when I gave him permission to have sex with men as long as it's safe sex. Like the PPs, he likes (occasional) sex with men but fell in love with me, the woman.

FWIW, he's met a LOT of apparently 'straight' married guys, incl. religious guys, who are looking for the same thing - a bit of man on the side. We're unusual in that we are open about it, they are often jealous because their wives don't know and can't know.

It's way more common than people want to believe.

Very true but how fair is it to their wives to hide this activity?

It's a chicken and egg issue. Back in my single days, I used to meet tons of women, via personal ads. Some of the dates would be going along well and there'd be another date and another date. Inevitably, I'd eventually disclose my bisexuality. I'd get two responses:

1. "I'd be ok with that, as long as you didn't ever act on it."
2. "I'm not ok with that, i'm very attracted to you, but I'm sorry I can't date you."

Never a "Well I'd be ok with that, and fine with exploring it with you." Which I'm guessing at least some bi guys would love to hear.

I think bi men are driven into hiding because of the prevailing attitudes of women.

Women can't help it. It's a threat knowing that a bi guy wants something sexually that a women physically can't provide. The fear over committing to someone for life that has a desire that can't be fulfilled by a wife is what causes a women to doubt, and save herself from future heartache. How can we expect a man to suppress his desires/feelings if he is truly bi?

How can you expect a man to suppress his desires for other women (or vice versa) when monogamy is unnatural?

Women have a right to seek a monogamous relationship, bi guy. If I'm betting, I think my odds for this are lowest with a bi man, and the stakes are high when I consider my health and happiness. When you also try to justify bi men lying to women because they know the women will likely choose not to be with them, then there's another strike against you. You are not entitled to make this choice for a woman by lying to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:straight woman married to a bi guy for 15 years here & still going strong.

We have been monogamous up until recently, when I gave him permission to have sex with men as long as it's safe sex. Like the PPs, he likes (occasional) sex with men but fell in love with me, the woman.

FWIW, he's met a LOT of apparently 'straight' married guys, incl. religious guys, who are looking for the same thing - a bit of man on the side. We're unusual in that we are open about it, they are often jealous because their wives don't know and can't know.

It's way more common than people want to believe.

Very true but how fair is it to their wives to hide this activity?

It's a chicken and egg issue. Back in my single days, I used to meet tons of women, via personal ads. Some of the dates would be going along well and there'd be another date and another date. Inevitably, I'd eventually disclose my bisexuality. I'd get two responses:

1. "I'd be ok with that, as long as you didn't ever act on it."
2. "I'm not ok with that, i'm very attracted to you, but I'm sorry I can't date you."

Never a "Well I'd be ok with that, and fine with exploring it with you." Which I'm guessing at least some bi guys would love to hear.

I think bi men are driven into hiding because of the prevailing attitudes of women.

Women can't help it. It's a threat knowing that a bi guy wants something sexually that a women physically can't provide. The fear over committing to someone for life that has a desire that can't be fulfilled by a wife is what causes a women to doubt, and save herself from future heartache. How can we expect a man to suppress his desires/feelings if he is truly bi?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:straight woman married to a bi guy for 15 years here & still going strong.

We have been monogamous up until recently, when I gave him permission to have sex with men as long as it's safe sex. Like the PPs, he likes (occasional) sex with men but fell in love with me, the woman.

FWIW, he's met a LOT of apparently 'straight' married guys, incl. religious guys, who are looking for the same thing - a bit of man on the side. We're unusual in that we are open about it, they are often jealous because their wives don't know and can't know.

It's way more common than people want to believe.

Very true but how fair is it to their wives to hide this activity?

It's a chicken and egg issue. Back in my single days, I used to meet tons of women, via personal ads. Some of the dates would be going along well and there'd be another date and another date. Inevitably, I'd eventually disclose my bisexuality. I'd get two responses:

1. "I'd be ok with that, as long as you didn't ever act on it."
2. "I'm not ok with that, i'm very attracted to you, but I'm sorry I can't date you."

Never a "Well I'd be ok with that, and fine with exploring it with you." Which I'm guessing at least some bi guys would love to hear.

I think bi men are driven into hiding because of the prevailing attitudes of women.

Anonymous wrote:straight woman married to a bi guy for 15 years here & still going strong.

We have been monogamous up until recently, when I gave him permission to have sex with men as long as it's safe sex. Like the PPs, he likes (occasional) sex with men but fell in love with me, the woman.

FWIW, he's met a LOT of apparently 'straight' married guys, incl. religious guys, who are looking for the same thing - a bit of man on the side. We're unusual in that we are open about it, they are often jealous because their wives don't know and can't know.

It's way more common than people want to believe.

Very true but how fair is it to their wives to hide this activity?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PreP doesn't prevent other STDs. Untreatable serious STDs are on the rise.

The person that brought this issue up was mentioning bottoming and how important the top's ejaculation was, which sounded like condoms weren't being used.

Ah, I see. I took what they said to mean they enjoyed the feeling of the top having an orgasm, presumably while wearing a condom. Which wouldn't happen when being pegged by a woman. Not the importance of having them ejaculate not using a condom.

Anyway...

I hope that's the case. I worry about young people. Like the one whose comment was, "It's not 1981."

PP here - there has been no downside for us, but we are very open and honest with each other. I was never bothered by him being bi. It's just who he is. We have kids, we love each other. So OP it's really up to you.

straight woman married to a bi guy for 15 years here & still going strong.

We have been monogamous up until recently, when I gave him permission to have sex with men as long as it's safe sex. Like the PPs, he likes (occasional) sex with men but fell in love with me, the woman.

FWIW, he's met a LOT of apparently 'straight' married guys, incl. religious guys, who are looking for the same thing - a bit of man on the side. We're unusual in that we are open about it, they are often jealous because their wives don't know and can't know.

It's way more common than people want to believe.

Anonymous wrote:PreP doesn't prevent other STDs. Untreatable serious STDs are on the rise.

The person that brought this issue up was mentioning bottoming and how important the top's ejaculation was, which sounded like condoms weren't being used.

Ah, I see. I took what they said to mean they enjoyed the feeling of the top having an orgasm, presumably while wearing a condom. Which wouldn't happen when being pegged by a woman. Not the importance of having them ejaculate not using a condom.

Anyway...

PreP doesn't prevent other STDs. Untreatable serious STDs are on the rise.

The person that brought this issue up was mentioning bottoming and how important the top's ejaculation was, which sounded like condoms weren't being used.

Anonymous wrote:None of the sexually transmitted diseases have magically gone away since 1981.

Advances in treatment are not the same as cures for things like HIV. The meds are expensive, and if you lose insurance and can't afford to stay on them forever, you're screwed.

And have you not heard about the rise of antibiotic-resistant STDs and the increase in cases?

While not quite as effective as condoms (which themselves aren't 100% foolproof), PREP dramatically decreases the possibility of transmission. Perhaps the pp was referring to that, rather than to advances in treatment.