so I'm confused op, is he a slacker who lives with his parents and drives a car full of garbage or is he a young man who works fulltime in IT and drives a car he fixed up?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback everyone, even the snark--it's what makes DCUM so entertaining! I didn't claim to be an intellectual giant in my post, that's why I come to all of you --but thanks anyway for the input on my IQ and poor writing skills

For what it's worth, I work in human resources, live on my own and pay my own bills. I drive a very basic, inexpensive used car that I paid for myself. I actually drove the same model of car he drives now five years ago, so I am not a car snob. My issue with the car is that it did not bother him in the least that the car was excessively full of rotting, molding garbage when found it--as in it was treated like a garbage can. I think it's just a difference in standards between the two of us....

The guy's mother picked up the phone when I called the other day. She gave me the impression that her son is lazy and that working (a normal, full time job) is not a priority for him.

I like the three date rule---thanks for that idea...

When he picked you up, was the car full of garbage? Or, was it like that before he restored it?
#2, Who garbaged it up? His dad? (First thing that comes to mind -- are his parents horders?). I
#3 Have you been to his home, is it clean and tidy or filthy?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback everyone, even the snark--it's what makes DCUM so entertaining! I didn't claim to be an intellectual giant in my post, that's why I come to all of you --but thanks anyway for the input on my IQ and poor writing skills

For what it's worth, I work in human resources, live on my own and pay my own bills. I drive a very basic, inexpensive used car that I paid for myself. I actually drove the same model of car he drives now five years ago, so I am not a car snob. My issue with the car is that it did not bother him in the least that the car was excessively full of rotting, molding garbage when found it--as in it was treated like a garbage can. I think it's just a difference in standards between the two of us....

The guy's mother picked up the phone when I called the other day. She gave me the impression that her son is lazy and that working (a normal, full time job) is not a priority for him.

I like the three date rule---thanks for that idea...

It's amazing how your story changes after people called you a shallow snob.

OP here. Thanks for all the feedback everyone, even the snark--it's what makes DCUM so entertaining! I didn't claim to be an intellectual giant in my post, that's why I come to all of you --but thanks anyway for the input on my IQ and poor writing skills

For what it's worth, I work in human resources, live on my own and pay my own bills. I drive a very basic, inexpensive used car that I paid for myself. I actually drove the same model of car he drives now five years ago, so I am not a car snob. My issue with the car is that it did not bother him in the least that the car was excessively full of rotting, molding garbage when found it--as in it was treated like a garbage can. I think it's just a difference in standards between the two of us....

The guy's mother picked up the phone when I called the other day. She gave me the impression that her son is lazy and that working (a normal, full time job) is not a priority for him.

I like the three date rule---thanks for that idea...

OP - my car currently has scratches from someone hitting me and duck tape holding up the mirror they broke. Yes, it looks ridiculous.

I am 30 and a CPA. I have adulting down, but quite frankly hate spending money on a depreciating asset that is going to get damaged again since I street park in the city.

Anonymous wrote:
All I hear is you're dating a guy with a nice family.

+1

And a handy family, too.

Plus, OP, do some searches online for news articles about how many more young adults now are living back in their parents' homes after college and for a period as they get themselves on their feet economically. When I was your age -- because I'm guessing you're early 20s? and I'm, well, not -- it would have seemed a bit odd for a guy to be living with mom and dad at this stage, but with today's economy it is much, much more common. Sure , it can indicate a guy who is immature or a user; OR it can indicate a guy who has enough sense to save his money at the start and who gets along well enough with his parents to live with them. As long as he really does have a plan to move out and really does save sensibly, he's fine.

If you are freaked by the statement about the car being full of garbage, or the thought that the car was a total beater when he first got it --maybe you're not right for him. He might need someone who is more easygoing about these things. As long as the car is fine now, what's the real issue? Sounds like he was saying he was proud of how they got it cleaned up and working.

sounds like he lives in his car

First of all, you are in your mid 20s. Buying a flashy car should not be a priority. In fact, for me it would be a red flag about priorities. I actually didnt even have a car between 28 and 28--lived in the city, etc.

Secondly, he has a car, and fixed it up. What's wrong with that? Shows motivation, skills, creativity, thriftiness. Good traits.

Third, I suspect that you maybe grew up in a wealthier neighborhood and your parents have paid for things: college, cars, cc bills, phones. Becuase if you were coming from lower/middle class and worked your way through college, this would not cause you to bat an eye.

Fourth, he sounds like a smart, motivated guy in a good field. He probably has big potential--perhaps more than you do, though I dont know your profession.

You need to decide: do you want to date a rich sugar daddy or asshole type who drives a flashy car? There are tons. Or do you want to date a lovely guy with whom you get along well who works hard to get where he is?


and, on a related note: a friend of mine met a guy online (in their 40s). showed up to the date in total beater truck. she remarked how great it must be to have a truck when you garden and did not raise an eyebrow. First couple dates, there was little to indicate 'status,' --just that he had a job in IT and lived in X suburb--they had a great time. went couple more dates. finally she discovers that he's also got a fancy expensive car, a beautiful home, probably a million or two investments, etc. She herself is successful and independent and didn't care too much about his situation, as long as he was stable and employed. and he was happy to weed out someone who was only interested in money.

Anonymous wrote:I would rather date a young, thrifty guy who could fix things than a flashy guy who maxed out his credit card on a Benz.

+1 He sounds like an honest, nice guy to me.

I dated a guy years ago who pulled up in literally the junkiest car I have ever seen. It actually had a hole in the floorboard on my side. I'm not especially shallow or materialistic, but I was a little embarrassed to be seen in it, but didn't say anything. I was in my early 30's at the time; he was in his 20's so I figured maybe he didn't make much.

After a few dates we were at his house and I saw his "other" car - a really sweet classic corvette that he doesn't like to drive all the time because he's afraid of getting door dings and such. He loved his older car, which he'd gotten from his dad when he was a teen. The guy was an IT guy making a very decent living, renting a very nice apartment and going to nice places. He just had this attachment to his old car.

He was actually one of the smartest, funniest, nicest guys I've ever dated, and I'm so glad I didn't judge him on the car. We broke up but stayed friendly, and his next girlfriend (now his wife) told me he pulled the car thing on her too!

OP, if you like him, see where it goes. Sounds like he's one of those guys who is upfront about stuff and doesn't filter much.

Anonymous wrote:It's tempting to criticize the OP, but after seeing so many posts where the wife is resentful towards her DH for only making $130K, I actually think OP should be applauded.

We should encourage materialistic women to be open about it, so they can shack up with materialistic men. This is better than forcing them to hide who they are, only to end up being miserable when they marry a cool, laid back guy who just wants to work 40-50 hours a week, and have time for hobbies and his family, etc.

Why are you dissing this guy's future income potential? He sounds like someone who gets along with people and gets shit done. He could very well make a decent salary. His choice of car is irrelevant. If OP had written, "He doesn't seem to have much of a direction of where he is going/little desire to leave his parents' basement" I'm sure many of these answers would change.

Anonymous wrote:I would rather date a young, thrifty guy who could fix things than a flashy guy who maxed out his credit card on a Benz.

+1. OP there are more important things to worry about them a car.

I see a lot of red flags.


You're not very bright. Something left you saying "Whaaaa...." but you can't articulate what it could possibly be, leaving us perplexed. He has a job, a car he fixed with his father, good friends, and is close to his brother.

You don't write well. You don't mention your job, or what you might have to offer him? I definitely think this sounds like a poor match for you. Please keep lookig.

Oh, and no red flags there. Except for him, about you - that you're not compatible because you see a cheap car as a red flag.

You should let him go, OP. He sounds like a good guy for a different woman - one who isn't turned off by the car he drives or the salary he earns.