Dear OP~Is it possible to speak with someone you both respect about this issue? Maybe a pastor, a counselor, or a calculator online that shows a good way to manage the household funds together?

Anonymous wrote:Is this the joy luck club

This was my first thought too. In all seriousness, I think OP should watch that movie (regardless of whether she is asian or not)

Anonymous wrote:I dont believe you OP. I KNOW you are Asian....

I'm thinking Eastern European.

Anonymous wrote:I think you really need to decide together if you want to be married. He is refusing to share finances and ypu are nickel and dining everything. This is not a good marriage and is obviously not making ypu happy. Do you enjoy the other parts of the relationship? Would you be better off living separately? Ypu clearly still think of yourselves as two families.


Or is this solely focused on finances? Do you think he was burned by his divorce so that is why he wants separate finances? Can you two reach some sort of understanding about a joint account with a certain amount of money where you pay for all food?

Money is tight because we are spending everything for the renovations of this old house. We don't make big salaries, just normal. When I met him he was divorcing and having 3 kids is a lot of expenses. Other than that, yes, we are enjoying many things together. But while I don't mind paying for my man from time to time (I buy him clothing or invite him to eat sometimes), I would like to be invited as well. Yet when we go to restaurants and I can eat lets say for 15$ because I don't need a big portion and he get a large pizza for 30$ because less than that is not enough for him, but then it's put into common expenses, it turns me off, but paying separately would be wrong. Not to mention that he's not the type to go to a store and buy a gift (not just for me, neither for his kids) unless it's someone's bday and he has too. I don't know anymore if he's like that or if it's circumstantial, but I can't prevent myself from feeling bad...

Anonymous wrote:I dont believe you OP. I KNOW you are Asian....

And I believe you're a troll...

I think you really need to decide together if you want to be married. He is refusing to share finances and ypu are nickel and dining everything. This is not a good marriage and is obviously not making ypu happy. Do you enjoy the other parts of the relationship? Would you be better off living separately? Ypu clearly still think of yourselves as two families.


Or is this solely focused on finances? Do you think he was burned by his divorce so that is why he wants separate finances? Can you two reach some sort of understanding about a joint account with a certain amount of money where you pay for all food?

I dont believe you OP. I KNOW you are Asian....

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate the few nice replies.

For all these judgmental people out there, why are you wasting your time? I asked for advice because that's how he wants things to be. I wasn't counting at the beginning.

And for the stupid racists out there, no, I'm not Asian. Think of some other stupidity to say.

But the arrangement is obviously not working, so now it's time to sit down together and COMMUNICATE calmly and openly about your financial arrangements. It's fine to have separate finances, but it sounds like there is a lot of secrecy about money - not to mention huge resentment built up at this point - and you two are not like behaving like partners. Don't bring a baby into this situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate the few nice replies.

For all these judgmental people out there, why are you wasting your time? I asked for advice because that's how he wants things to be. I wasn't counting at the beginning.

And for the stupid racists out there, no, I'm not Asian. Think of some other stupidity to say.

When you say "nice" replies, are you referring to the ones that agreed with you? Or, do you really want advice?

Because, sometimes you ask for one thing and realize you don't want it.

Advice isn't always, you're doing great!

Sometimes advice is not what you want to hear.

The fact is this - regardless of how or why it started, the way that you two manage your finances, is going to destroy your relationship - which it already is doing.

You are not acting like a married couple - but two separate entities. Just the facts.

There weren't replies that "agreed" with me as there was nothing to agree with. I meant ones that didn't judge me or wondered if I was Asian. The ones that gave me advice, not laughed at me, because it's not funny, it's sad. That's all.

DCUM is hard. A lot of judgmental posters. I think that you really need to determine what is more important in your life.

Finances are a major reason for divorce in this country - but it's typically people who have no money. You two have money, but you need to determine how to allocate that money.

In your particular instance, I am really trying to figure out if money is the issue - or if there is something else and money is the scapegoat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate the few nice replies.

For all these judgmental people out there, why are you wasting your time? I asked for advice because that's how he wants things to be. I wasn't counting at the beginning.

And for the stupid racists out there, no, I'm not Asian. Think of some other stupidity to say.

When you say "nice" replies, are you referring to the ones that agreed with you? Or, do you really want advice?

Because, sometimes you ask for one thing and realize you don't want it.

Advice isn't always, you're doing great!

Sometimes advice is not what you want to hear.

The fact is this - regardless of how or why it started, the way that you two manage your finances, is going to destroy your relationship - which it already is doing.

You are not acting like a married couple - but two separate entities. Just the facts.

There weren't replies that "agreed" with me as there was nothing to agree with. I meant ones that didn't judge me or wondered if I was Asian. The ones that gave me advice, not laughed at me, because it's not funny, it's sad. That's all.

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate the few nice replies.

For all these judgmental people out there, why are you wasting your time? I asked for advice because that's how he wants things to be. I wasn't counting at the beginning.

And for the stupid racists out there, no, I'm not Asian. Think of some other stupidity to say.

When you say "nice" replies, are you referring to the ones that agreed with you? Or, do you really want advice?

Because, sometimes you ask for one thing and realize you don't want it.

Advice isn't always, you're doing great!

Sometimes advice is not what you want to hear.

The fact is this - regardless of how or why it started, the way that you two manage your finances, is going to destroy your relationship - which it already is doing.

You are not acting like a married couple - but two separate entities. Just the facts.

I appreciate the few nice replies.

For all these judgmental people out there, why are you wasting your time? I asked for advice because that's how he wants things to be. I wasn't counting at the beginning.

And for the stupid racists out there, no, I'm not Asian. Think of some other stupidity to say.