Calling someone who is not your husband your "husband" is certainly a sign of a big problem.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Or does it? If the relationship did take that extra step, could you live with it?

Oh FFS, it's NOT cheating. Some of you really need to stop being so over-dramatic.

However, you are playing a dangerous game. You are putting your marriage at risk. I've been married almost 30 years and I've seen this play out in too many of my friends' lives. It does not end well. You need to tell your DH about this guy in a very non-threatening way. Don't mention "flirty boozey dinners". Just find a way to work his name into a conversation. You need the accountability. You also need to knock of the teenage crush behavior. Do not put yourself in the position of being alone with this guy. It's an inappropriate relationship and you know it. Even if nothing was ever going to happen, it looks really bad.

Anonymous wrote:Do the add your spouse test - if adding DH to any of the scenarios you're asking about would make things awkward, then it's prob not a scenario you should be engaging in.

I like this. And I agree with it.

Whatever makes you fell good about yourself.

Yes it is cheating.

If you think it isn't, ASK YOUR HUSBAND and see what he says about it.

But you won't do that because you KNOW you are cheating.

You are a disgusting human being.

Anonymous wrote:The "boozy, flirty" out of town dinner is a hugely slippery slope.

Isn't that professionally embarrassing or are you in sales?

Do the add your spouse test - if adding DH to any of the scenarios you're asking about would make things awkward, then it's prob not a scenario you should be engaging in.

It sounds pretty fun. I'd just make sure you don't get drunk and do something stupid. If it's been going on a few years and there hasn't been an attempt yet then it's probably not going to happen.

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever think of this guy when you masturbate? When you are having sex with DH? You are in an emotional affair. End it now before it gets worse and you do serious damage

I think of him when I am alone in my hotel room at the conference. Not when I am with DH. I really don't think it is an emotional affair if we only interact one week a year.

Anonymous wrote:If you have to ask, the answer is yes. I would not be OK with my partner having "boozy, flirty" dinners with someone of the opposite sex. I also would not be OK with the fact that they look forward to it like a lovestruck schoolgirl. Lastly I would not be OK that you "like having this little secret." You are not being a good spouse. At all.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I don't think it's cheating. Life is short, what are you suggesting her to do, hide in her room drinking alone? She's having fun with good drinks and conversation.she has a Fantasy maybe but not relevant unless she tries to make a move

+1

Sorry, huge difference between going out with a group and boozy, flirty dinner for two.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - How would you feel if the tables were turned?

OP here. I think I would be ok if the tables were turned.

So will you tell DH About him? If not, why not? And if you won't, and insist on this "secret," that is a huge red flag. You really don't care if DH has a boozy flirty relationship crush at a work conference every year and keeps it from you?

Anonymous wrote: I don't think it's cheating. Life is short, what are you suggesting her to do, hide in her room drinking alone? She's having fun with good drinks and conversation.she has a Fantasy maybe but not relevant unless she tries to make a move

+1

Do you ever think of this guy when you masturbate? When you are having sex with DH? You are in an emotional affair. End it now before it gets worse and you do serious damage