Anonymous wrote:

pbraverman wrote:I think schools understand that parents make school choices in the younger grades. To that extent, then, yes, an expression of a first choice might be helpful. Unless you are over-eager or dishonest, it's hard to see how it would hurt.

The problem is that we don't really have a clear first-choice. There may be one school that we prefer very, very slightly to the others, but the margin is so slim. And there's no place where we'd instantly accept without taking a second look at other options if DC were lucky enough to get in. So I don't think we can in good conscience submit one, and unfortunately we'll always wonder "what if" in the event that DC gets WLed here.

This was us last year.

Applied to all the top schools; liked some for one reason and others for another, so in good consciousness, we could not and did not declare a first choice.

For us, it worked out perfectly. DC was accepted to only one of these schools, so we ran with it. DC now loves it and is doing well. Sometimes you just have to trust that the schools know what they are looking for, too, and the one that is right for your DC will surface. (Although at the time, I was slightly annoyed that we didn't have the benefit of final choice!)

Good luck to you.

Anonymous wrote:

pbraverman wrote:All of that said, I don't think a declaration of first choice usually plays a very big role in the process. It's seldom enough to make an unattractive candidate attractive, or vice-versa. With very few exceptions, schools offer admission to the applicants they want, and then deal with the cards as they're played.

Thanks, and that's encouraging to hear. Thinking about this some more, the real reason why this "first choice letter" issue weighs on me more than it should is the fact that our family has virtually no hook with any of the schools where we're applying. All we have going for us are: (1) being full pay, (2) DD's very high WPPSI scores, and (3) seemingly good play visits (but who knows). We're not white, but not an URM. We don't know any families who can put in a word on our behalf. Our Ivy League degrees and professional careers are far from unique in this town. So I feel powerless now that all the materials are in and have this nagging sense that we still "have to do something." I simply don't trust that the process is going to work out for an unconnected family like ours, especially when we applied to the Big 3 and two somewhat selective schools. I know anecdotally that completely unconnected families do end up at these schools, but that they're still in the vast minority.

By way of comparison: (1) we are not full pay, (2) we are a URM, (3) DC's WPPSI was 90th percentile, (4) seemingly good play visit and (5) no hook/connections. We were admitted to the school we sent a 1st choice letter to (BIG 3). We were admitted to two others with no first choice letter (highly selective), WL at one (highly selective) and not admitted to one (Big 3). At my DC's school I think you will have as good of a chance as we did. The schools aim at diversity extends beyond the so called URM's and non-Whites. From what I can tell by the various class make ups we have an equal number of Asians, AA, Hispanics, Whites who are international and a probably even higher number of kids of multi-ethic background.

Deleted weird repetition. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

pbraverman wrote:There are no formulas, but based on what you describe above, I wouldn't write your daughter off at all. If you'd like, send me a note offline. I'd be happy to talk for ten minutes and give you some read based on my experience — no charge, obviously. If not, I hope things work out for your family!

Thanks for the offer, and what you've written is encouraging already. If DD gets WLed at all of our top choices (currently my expectation and biggest fear), then we'll definitely reach out.

Okay, sounds good!
Peter

pbraverman wrote:There are no formulas, but based on what you describe above, I wouldn't write your daughter off at all. If you'd like, send me a note offline. I'd be happy to talk for ten minutes and give you some read based on my experience — no charge, obviously. If not, I hope things work out for your family!

Thanks for the offer, and what you've written is encouraging already. If DD gets WLed at all of our top choices (currently my expectation and biggest fear), then we'll definitely reach out.

Not sure this really answers the question but our child applied to three schools, none "Big 3" according to this forum but two of them very competitive for 9th grade. We considered a "first choice" letter but decided we couldn't say at that moment which was first, in part not to get our child's hopes up since the two most selective were at the top of the list. Our child was asked in the (separate) interview of our child's first choice, and our child responded it was that school. In the parent interview that followed, my spouse and I were thoughtful and praised the school but did not say it was our first choice (in part because we were leaning toward the other). Our child was waitlisted. Other selective school did not ask, and child was admitted, and enrolled (as it was deep down our first choice anyway). Final less-selective school did not ask, we did not say, and child was admitted. I'm sure it hurt that we declined to endorse our child's statement in the interview, but I also think it was unfair to corner the child with the question, and we just weren't ready to say what our first choice was.

Anonymous wrote:

pbraverman wrote:All of that said, I don't think a declaration of first choice usually plays a very big role in the process. It's seldom enough to make an unattractive candidate attractive, or vice-versa. With very few exceptions, schools offer admission to the applicants they want, and then deal with the cards as they're played.

Thanks, and that's encouraging to hear. Thinking about this some more, the real reason why this "first choice letter" issue weighs on me more than it should is the fact that our family has virtually no hook with any of the schools where we're applying. All we have going for us are: (1) being full pay, (2) DD's very high WPPSI scores, and (3) seemingly good play visits (but who knows). We're not white, but not an URM. We don't know any families who can put in a word on our behalf. Our Ivy League degrees and professional careers are far from unique in this town. So I feel powerless now that all the materials are in and have this nagging sense that we still "have to do something." I simply don't trust that the process is going to work out for an unconnected family like ours, especially when we applied to the Big 3 and two somewhat selective schools. I know anecdotally that completely unconnected families do end up at these schools, but that they're still in the vast minority.

These six weeks between the application deadline and notification are tough. You have little choice but to sit and wait, and in this town ... we are men of action. (Apologies for the sexism of the original!)

There are no formulas, but based on what you describe above, I wouldn't write your daughter off at all. If you'd like, send me a note offline. I'd be happy to talk for ten minutes and give you some read based on my experience — no charge, obviously. If not, I hope things work out for your family!

Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

pbraverman wrote:All of that said, I don't think a declaration of first choice usually plays a very big role in the process. It's seldom enough to make an unattractive candidate attractive, or vice-versa. With very few exceptions, schools offer admission to the applicants they want, and then deal with the cards as they're played.

Thanks, and that's encouraging to hear. Thinking about this some more, the real reason why this "first choice letter" issue weighs on me more than it should is the fact that our family has virtually no hook with any of the schools where we're applying. All we have going for us are: (1) being full pay, (2) DD's very high WPPSI scores, and (3) seemingly good play visits (but who knows). We're not white, but not an URM. We don't know any families who can put in a word on our behalf. Our Ivy League degrees and professional careers are far from unique in this town. So I feel powerless now that all the materials are in and have this nagging sense that we still "have to do something." I simply don't trust that the process is going to work out for an unconnected family like ours, especially when we applied to the Big 3 and two somewhat selective schools. I know anecdotally that completely unconnected families do end up at these schools, but that they're still in the vast minority.

Would love responses from parents whose 9th graders got into a Big 3 without a "First Choice" letter. We don't have a clear favorite at this time so would love to hear about scenarios (hopefully there are some) where lack of a letter did not hurt a high school application.

Anonymous wrote:

pbraverman wrote:I think schools understand that parents make school choices in the younger grades. To that extent, then, yes, an expression of a first choice might be helpful. Unless you are over-eager or dishonest, it's hard to see how it would hurt.

The problem is that we don't really have a clear first-choice. There may be one school that we prefer very, very slightly to the others, but the margin is so slim. And there's no place where we'd instantly accept without taking a second look at other options if DC were lucky enough to get in. So I don't think we can in good conscience submit one, and unfortunately we'll always wonder "what if" in the event that DC gets WLed here.

Yes, I think you've analyzed the situation well. In essence, you have to decide whether you're willing to trade a slightly higher chance of admission (potentially) against the flexibility to delay the decision until you have more information. There is no control group in these experiments, so your "What if..." is, unfortunately, a possibility. All of that said, I don't think a declaration of first choice usually plays a very big role in the process. It's seldom enough to make an unattractive candidate attractive, or vice-versa. With very few exceptions, schools offer admission to the applicants they want, and then deal with the cards as they're played.

There can, however, be ways to influence a wait-list decision positively. If you'd like to talk about that please feel free to get in touch (below).

Peter
_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to be uninformed, personal, or simply mean-spirited if people don't identify themselves. For that reason, I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools. I hope I can be helpful to some folks. If you don't like something I've said, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> arcpd <dot> com

pbraverman wrote:I think schools understand that parents make school choices in the younger grades. To that extent, then, yes, an expression of a first choice might be helpful. Unless you are over-eager or dishonest, it's hard to see how it would hurt.

The problem is that we don't really have a clear first-choice. There may be one school that we prefer very, very slightly to the others, but the margin is so slim. And there's no place where we'd instantly accept without taking a second look at other options if DC were lucky enough to get in. So I don't think we can in good conscience submit one, and unfortunately we'll always wonder "what if" in the event that DC gets WLed here.

Anonymous wrote:This thread keeps making me think about sending "second choice" letters. I am imagining what you might say in there.

LOL.

"We are SO excited about your school that you're our second choice! We were more excited about your school, but since we applied we have learned that your parents are all hopeless snobs, your students are all either bullies or victims, and your teachers and administrators DON'T CARE AT ALL!!!!!

P.S. I can't tell you where we learned that, because it's anonymous."

This thread keeps making me think about sending "second choice" letters. I am imagining what you might say in there.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for the slight derail OP, but I'd like to know if such letters have any meaningful value add when applying for PK or K?

Without knowing anything, my instinct says no. Simply because it'd be hard to convey any meaningful preference on the applicant/child's part, and it becomes more about the parents expressing their choice (and query whether the schools really care about that as much compared to considering a much older child's first choice).

I think schools understand that parents make school choices in the younger grades. To that extent, then, yes, an expression of a first choice might be helpful. Unless you are over-eager or dishonest, it's hard to see how it would hurt.

Good luck!
Peter

Anonymous wrote:Sorry - hit send too quickly.

DC is applying to 9th grade. Our applications have been to the Big 3 and a couple of others that are usually included in the Big 5. We are new to the area and just heard about the "First Choice" letter. Is it really common for people to send such letters to the school of choice? And more importantly, do people think it actually makes a difference to the decision? We always thought that SFS would be our top choice if DC got in but DC really enjoyed the shadow day at one of the Cathedral schools (NCS/STA) so now we're not so sure whether we really have a top choice. But at the same time if these letters do make a difference in acceptance then we will have a family discussion and agree on a first choice school to which we can then send a letter. Please Help!!!!

First Choice letters are important for NCS.. When we applied and after our interview our daughter was told if NCS is your top choice please let them know.