Colleges have no proper role in determining cases like this. It should be left to the police and the DA's office, where there are acceptable standards of due process.

Teach your sons to fight back:
http://www.indystar.com/story/news/2016/12/26/former-iu-student-accused-rape-sues-school-accuser-defamation/95649160/

This has to be a troll.

I can see how this is gray.

But black and white, when we adults are discussing it, and when you consider how the girl ended up reacting. Get feelings, her willingness to pursue a report, etc.

That is the point of this post.

What seems fairly black and white to ADULTS and AFTER the fact is still the tiniest bit gray to a young adult in the middle of the situation.

I hope he gets some (some) leniency. But yes, let this be another consent lesson to teach to the younger generation. Sleeping = even if it's the morning after, is not OK.

Get a positive confirmation before every time, and during.

Anonymous wrote:It is scary to be a boy today in college. My friend of mine is a nurse at a college health center. If a girl comes into her office and accuses a student of rape, authorities are called. If the young lady had any alcohol (even 1 beer), she is considered incompetent to make a decision about sex. Police called, the boy would get a record and be expelled. I do not condone rape AT ALL, but there are some girls who have misgivings the next morning and they can accuse. Previously, colleges have handled these cases themselves, but now the police are involved immediately. I don't know what the answer is, but what do you tell your boys? What is the girl's responsibility?

I agree. My dh picked up my high school aged son from a female friend's house over break. He had gone there in the afternoon to hang out and there were about 10 kt)tids. The dad was there when my dh brought him, but when he picked him up two hours later, he wasn't. My ds said by then, when there were only two girls and two guys still there, the girl whose house it was invited them into her bedroom to show them something (can't remember what). My dh flipped out when he heard this. It would be so easy for the dad to come home and be pissed to find them in her bedroom. The girl might say it was the guys' idea. Or the girls could say something happened that didn't. I've heard it too many times that for any number of reasons, a girl says something happened that didn't to get out of trouble, or to get attention, or whatever. There are challenges, of course, parenting both boys and girls, but this is a big one for parents of boys.

I did this once to my boyfriend and he was upset too. He had been molested as a child and maybe that's why. I never did it again.

It's worth discussing with your kids as part of other conversationsme about sex.

Anonymous wrote:It is scary to be a boy today in college. My friend of mine is a nurse at a college health center. If a girl comes into her office and accuses a student of rape, authorities are called. If the young lady had any alcohol (even 1 beer), she is considered incompetent to make a decision about sex. Police called, the boy would get a record and be expelled. I do not condone rape AT ALL, but there are some girls who have misgivings the next morning and they can accuse. Previously, colleges have handled these cases themselves, but now the police are involved immediately. I don't know what the answer is, but what do you tell your boys? What is the girl's responsibility?

I agree. I only have a girl, but I'm scared for boys.

13:31 again, also at some point we have to let go and trust that we've raised kind, responsible people who are capable of making decisions. ive never told my children explicitly that many things are wrong, and yet they've still never done them. You don't have to have a rule book for him to refer to. If you start by teaching respect, care and concern for the other, your child will eventually lead from that place. Your son likely knows intuitively that it is disrespectful and a bodily violation to perform wake up oral sex on a person with whom he's not in a long term committed relationship. Ask him and see what he says. You may be surprised.

It is scary to be a boy today in college. My friend of mine is a nurse at a college health center. If a girl comes into her office and accuses a student of rape, authorities are called. If the young lady had any alcohol (even 1 beer), she is considered incompetent to make a decision about sex. Police called, the boy would get a record and be expelled. I do not condone rape AT ALL, but there are some girls who have misgivings the next morning and they can accuse. Previously, colleges have handled these cases themselves, but now the police are involved immediately. I don't know what the answer is, but what do you tell your boys? What is the girl's responsibility?

Good lesson - thanks OP. Regardless of what anyone thinks, the consequence of this could be placement on the sexual registry for life.

Who knows about this story...I think you're overthinking as it relates to your own child. You've prepared him, taught him, it seems from your description youve covered all the bases. Tell him about this story (does he already know?) and he will get the picture. A sleeping person can't give consent.

It's actually good to hear the local police got involved. At least then he can be ensured of a fair trial and due process. Way too often, universities handle this in-house, without following due process (which both sides deserve).

The schools seems too quick to expel him, since the courts have not tried his case yet, but I guess they have a lower standard of proof.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Stupid. I almost wish that girl would experience a real no consent situation. Sorry for your friend's son.

You almost wish that a girl you don't know would be forcibly raped? You're sorry for a boy who had sexual contact with an unconscious girl? Wow.

FYI, being asleep is not the same as being unconscious.

Because she was able to wake up and tell him to stop touching her without her permission? You are a piece of work.

New person. No, because initiating sexual activity with a sleeping partner is playful. Initiating sexual activity with an unconscious partner is sickening.

Maybe you think it's playful. We're not talking about a kiss on the neck. He was giving her oral. That's skipping how many bases??

Maybe so, but I don't see that as a crime.

Well, clearly the law disagrees with you. She didn't consent to the contact. She reported it as sexual assault.

The only thing that is surprising to me about this story is that the survivor "won" and the boy was expelled. That's not the way it usually goes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stupid. I almost wish that girl would experience a real no consent situation. Sorry for your friend's son.

You almost wish that a girl you don't know would be forcibly raped? You're sorry for a boy who had sexual contact with an unconscious girl? Wow.

FYI, being asleep is not the same as being unconscious.

Because she was able to wake up and tell him to stop touching her without her permission? You are a piece of work.

New person. No, because initiating sexual activity with a sleeping partner is playful. Initiating sexual activity with an unconscious partner is sickening.

Maybe you think it's playful. We're not talking about a kiss on the neck. He was giving her oral. That's skipping how many bases??

Maybe so, but I don't see that as a crime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stupid. I almost wish that girl would experience a real no consent situation. Sorry for your friend's son.

You almost wish that a girl you don't know would be forcibly raped? You're sorry for a boy who had sexual contact with an unconscious girl? Wow.

FYI, being asleep is not the same as being unconscious.

Because she was able to wake up and tell him to stop touching her without her permission? You are a piece of work.

New person. No, because initiating sexual activity with a sleeping partner is playful. Initiating sexual activity with an unconscious partner is sickening.

Maybe you think it's playful. We're not talking about a kiss on the neck. He was giving her oral. That's skipping how many bases??

And reporting him to the police is skipping how many bases?

This seems to be happening in college environments. You almost never hear about Georgetown hookups winding up like this.

I think it's a matter of maturity and experience (or lack thereof) that accounts for a lot of it.