Anonymous wrote:DW married you! NOT your family! I'd drop you if I were your DW. You sound like a wimpy mamas boy. Yuck!

This is a common mistake people make. It's not true. I tell everyone to take seriously your potential mates family and how they interact because it is a package deal.

Anonymous wrote:Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

Please explain how the wife is lacking in manners. All we know is that the mother drove by and was told that the son was sleeping. Wife didn't ignore the mother, nor did she tell her to f*&k off. She didn't call her names. Supposedly the child could be seen from the window, but still don't know if the wife knew the child wasn't sleeping.

How was the wife rude?

My DH is Italian and I am not. I like his family but even after 10 years, his family can be exhausting, mostly because my Italian MIL is a lot to handle. She doesn't like boundaries (she's queen of the "random" drive bys) and everything has to revolve around her. It would never occur to her that we might have something going on and can't accommodate her at a moment's notice. And it's gotten worse over the years. Fortunately my DH recognizes this and works hard to put our family first. So I can definitely relate to how OP's wife might be feeling. It's not rude to say "now is not a good time" because maybe it isnt. And sometimes a little lie to get an Italian MIL who won't take "no" off your back can help, provided of course you don't get caught in the lie.

OP, let your wife have some space from your family for a bit. Ask her to be more polite. But also take a hard look at whether you mother is overstepping and whether you need to establish some boundaries for your family.

Why weren't you taking out the trash?

DW married you! NOT your family! I'd drop you if I were your DW. You sound like a wimpy mamas boy. Yuck!

Your wife seems to lack manners. No big deal that MIL came by announanced, she is your mom and this announcing is beyond me. I don't understand why your wife dislikes your family though, there must be some reason. Are you very young, both of you? Are you putting your mom and dad first and last, and your wife is annoyed by your lack of effort to show her that you are her husbands and not just your parent's kid. If she feels that they come first to you, that would annoy the heck out of me and in that case resentment would be towards you and your family. Think back and see how you act in your marriage, if answer is that you will drop anything as soon as your parents call, then you know the problem. If that is not the case, ask your wife, why does she dislike your parental family. Just ask.

I have zero problem with the MIl unexpected drive by, but the weekly dinner thing would not fly for me. I'd be there once a month at best.

Anonymous wrote:My parents and siblings all get together on Sundays. That's always been the tradition. Forced Sunday plans drive DW crazy. Just an example of personality difference.

Having to be someplace every Sunday would be very annoying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and siblings all get together on Sundays. That's always been the tradition. Forced Sunday plans drive DW crazy. Just an example of personality difference.

That would make me insane.

See to me this sounds like a lot of fun, but that's my upbringing to.

Again, I'm sure OP knew this about his wife before they got married. I'm sure she complained about the dinners when they were dating and even engaged, but he married her and had a kid with her.

Why did you think things would change OP?

The regular weekly dinners is a separate issue from the surprise visits. Having big extended family dinners twice a month would be a reasonable compromise.

Anonymous wrote:

I'm Italian. Wife is not. My family can be very opinionated and overbearing. My wife knew this was what she was marrying into.

Yeah, she probably didn't realize that you would take orders from your mother, and side with her as well, when she married you. My ex's family is Italian - I have NO desire to ever speak to them because they are INSANE humans. And boys are literally treated like kings - grow up and put your wife and kid first. Get some boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and siblings all get together on Sundays. That's always been the tradition. Forced Sunday plans drive DW crazy. Just an example of personality difference.

That would make me insane.

See to me this sounds like a lot of fun, but that's my upbringing to.

Again, I'm sure OP knew this about his wife before they got married. I'm sure she complained about the dinners when they were dating and even engaged, but he married her and had a kid with her.

Why did you think things would change OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife sounds like a brat, though I doubt you'll get much sympathy here.

Agreed.

She does. But I'm sure OP knew this about her when he married her. He made his bed.

Anonymous wrote:My parents and siblings all get together on Sundays. That's always been the tradition. Forced Sunday plans drive DW crazy. Just an example of personality difference.

That would make me insane.

Anonymous wrote:Please, by appointment is not the same thing as boundaries. I would never stop by anyone's house unnannounced. It's just rude.

To you and your upbringing/culture.
In many many families in cultures it is not rude and is actually considered extremely bad manners to do what OP's wife did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife sounds like a brat, though I doubt you'll get much sympathy here.

Agreed.

Sounds like OP's MIL has entered the room.