Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 16:06     Subject: Re:Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - I see many parents seem to have the work flexibility we yearn. DH travels quite a bit, and I've been told to be prepared for long hours when a project gets big. I was a SAHM for 4 years, and only recently, found a job. It's been hard finding a job after being at home for some time, and now, things are very new to us. I'm wondering people are so quick to judge - we have no choice with our work hours, and going in early and leaving early is not an option, as bosses meetings are held in the evenings (and we can't say sorry, I need to pick my kid up - unless you want to be fired). Also, while i was a SAHM, I've seen too many nannies/babysitters leaving kids on their own, not having a care in the world, being rude to the kids, and with the most disgusting hygiene (of course, working parents don't know this). It's almost gone phobic to leave my kid with a stranger. Some of you mothers think you have the best nanny in the world, then you're lucky. Others are not so lucky (and the worse is that they don't even know it).

The reason why I suggested library is because DD loves the library, and she loves to be read to. She's one of those who'll devour 10 Dr Seuss books if you'll let her....

Thanks for the input everyone. We'll figure out a way somehow.


You make it sound like most of us who have flexibility are lucky in some random way and you are just super unfortunate. You should have thought about your childcare situation before taking your job. It sounds like your husband has the income to support both of you so I'm not understanding how you took a job without thinking about this before. I came into motherhood with a demanding and inflexible job and with DH having the same. We do not have the luxury of DH supporting the family and had to make a choice and we did. I took a different job with hours that work. It isn't the best job but it helps support our family. You sound like you've chosen your career which is perfectly fine but you need to know it won't be easy on your child.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 16:05     Subject: Re:Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here - I see many parents seem to have the work flexibility we yearn. DH travels quite a bit, and I've been told to be prepared for long hours when a project gets big. I was a SAHM for 4 years, and only recently, found a job. It's been hard finding a job after being at home for some time, and now, things are very new to us. I'm wondering people are so quick to judge - we have no choice with our work hours, and going in early and leaving early is not an option, as bosses meetings are held in the evenings (and we can't say sorry, I need to pick my kid up - unless you want to be fired). Also, while i was a SAHM, I've seen too many nannies/babysitters leaving kids on their own, not having a care in the world, being rude to the kids, and with the most disgusting hygiene (of course, working parents don't know this). It's almost gone phobic to leave my kid with a stranger. Some of you mothers think you have the best nanny in the world, then you're lucky. Others are not so lucky (and the worse is that they don't even know it).

The reason why I suggested library is because DD loves the library, and she loves to be read to. She's one of those who'll devour 10 Dr Seuss books if you'll let her....

Thanks for the input everyone. We'll figure out a way somehow.


I'm a former SAHM who went back to work and while I was also paranoid about nannies after my own time in the parks, I don't see how going to the library would solve your problem. It's not going to fix any of the issues you are worried about. Also, as you're thinking about things, be honest with yourself about the source of your paranoias. If I'm honest, I think a lot of the issues I was so paranoid about were not such a big deal and by far the worst behavior towards kids I ever saw was from their own mothers.


Going to the library is not a confined area, not behind closed doors. At least it's something DD likes to do i.e. reading. I can't totally do away with babysitters/nannies, that's for sure, but at least the risk of being abused etc is mitigated.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 15:57     Subject: Re:Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Anonymous wrote:OP here - I see many parents seem to have the work flexibility we yearn. DH travels quite a bit, and I've been told to be prepared for long hours when a project gets big. I was a SAHM for 4 years, and only recently, found a job. It's been hard finding a job after being at home for some time, and now, things are very new to us. I'm wondering people are so quick to judge - we have no choice with our work hours, and going in early and leaving early is not an option, as bosses meetings are held in the evenings (and we can't say sorry, I need to pick my kid up - unless you want to be fired). Also, while i was a SAHM, I've seen too many nannies/babysitters leaving kids on their own, not having a care in the world, being rude to the kids, and with the most disgusting hygiene (of course, working parents don't know this). It's almost gone phobic to leave my kid with a stranger. Some of you mothers think you have the best nanny in the world, then you're lucky. Others are not so lucky (and the worse is that they don't even know it).

The reason why I suggested library is because DD loves the library, and she loves to be read to. She's one of those who'll devour 10 Dr Seuss books if you'll let her....

Thanks for the input everyone. We'll figure out a way somehow.


I'm a former SAHM who went back to work and while I was also paranoid about nannies after my own time in the parks, I don't see how going to the library would solve your problem. It's not going to fix any of the issues you are worried about. Also, as you're thinking about things, be honest with yourself about the source of your paranoias. If I'm honest, I think a lot of the issues I was so paranoid about were not such a big deal and by far the worst behavior towards kids I ever saw was from their own mothers.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 15:44     Subject: Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Grow up. You had a family. Move her aftercare to the Y, they close at 6:30. Then rearrange your schedules so that someone gets her by 6:30. That's what the rest of us do.


Maybe they are police officers or other shift workers who don't have much control over hours.


Working in downtown DC and living in Arlington? Doubt it.


ER docs then?


My husband is a fed attorney and he acts like he has to stay at work until unpredictable times each night, often getting home between 6:45 and 7:45. If he had to leave reliably each day at 5:15, which is when he'd have to leave for 6pm pick-up, he would complain endlessly. He leaves at that time maybe 2x a week max, and acts like it's a big and noticeable deal. It seems to me like it's very important to him to be one of the last people there each night, and when I suggest he adapt an earlier and more consistent schedule he freaks out (he frequently doesn't leave the house until 8:45 or 9). If we were both this way, as I suspect OP and spouse are, it would be unworkable. It's MY flexibility that makes it work...someone has to have some flex.



That is frustrating. I'm a government attorney too, and often work more than 40 hours a week. But I can do a good bit of that at home after the kids go to bed. Is that an option for him? Or does he care about the face time? FWIW, my bosses know I work at home at night and get my work done.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 15:37     Subject: Re:Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
OP here - I see many parents seem to have the work flexibility we yearn. DH travels quite a bit, and I've been told to be prepared for long hours when a project gets big. I was a SAHM for 4 years, and only recently, found a job. It's been hard finding a job after being at home for some time, and now, things are very new to us. I'm wondering people are so quick to judge - we have no choice with our work hours, and going in early and leaving early is not an option, as bosses meetings are held in the evenings (and we can't say sorry, I need to pick my kid up - unless you want to be fired). Also, while i was a SAHM, I've seen too many nannies/babysitters leaving kids on their own, not having a care in the world, being rude to the kids, and with the most disgusting hygiene (of course, working parents don't know this). It's almost gone phobic to leave my kid with a stranger. Some of you mothers think you have the best nanny in the world, then you're lucky. Others are not so lucky (and the worse is that they don't even know it).

The reason why I suggested library is because DD loves the library, and she loves to be read to. She's one of those who'll devour 10 Dr Seuss books if you'll let her....

Thanks for the input everyone. We'll figure out a way somehow.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 15:03     Subject: Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Grow up. You had a family. Move her aftercare to the Y, they close at 6:30. Then rearrange your schedules so that someone gets her by 6:30. That's what the rest of us do.


Maybe they are police officers or other shift workers who don't have much control over hours.


Working in downtown DC and living in Arlington? Doubt it.


ER docs then?


ER docs have huge flexibility in what shifts they take, including only working 12 shifts a month.

The OP is just looking for ways to not disrupt her schedule at her child's expense.


Uhm, this totally depends on what stage of their career they're in. You really think all ED docs can just say "I'll take the 9-6 3 days a week?" Who do you think opts for the shorty overnight, partial overnight, weekend, etc shifts? Also, while in training (which lasts until about 35 if you're fellowship trained), you work WaY more than 12 shifts a month. Just FYI. I say this all as the wife of a peds ED fellow. It's nice that he can get a particular day off in a way that I. Can't, but a totally routine/usual schedule of daytime hours? Not even a little.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 14:29     Subject: Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
I took a lower-paying, but more flexible job, and reduced my standard of living.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 14:24     Subject: Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Grow up. You had a family. Move her aftercare to the Y, they close at 6:30. Then rearrange your schedules so that someone gets her by 6:30. That's what the rest of us do.


Maybe they are police officers or other shift workers who don't have much control over hours.


Working in downtown DC and living in Arlington? Doubt it.


ER docs then?


My husband is a fed attorney and he acts like he has to stay at work until unpredictable times each night, often getting home between 6:45 and 7:45. If he had to leave reliably each day at 5:15, which is when he'd have to leave for 6pm pick-up, he would complain endlessly. He leaves at that time maybe 2x a week max, and acts like it's a big and noticeable deal. It seems to me like it's very important to him to be one of the last people there each night, and when I suggest he adapt an earlier and more consistent schedule he freaks out (he frequently doesn't leave the house until 8:45 or 9). If we were both this way, as I suspect OP and spouse are, it would be unworkable. It's MY flexibility that makes it work...someone has to have some flex.



Ugh my DH is similar. We have an after school babysitter to cope. It can be hard (and expensive) to find a reliable part time sitter though. When and if we have to flex, I will require DH to do drop off so I can get to work early enough to pick up at a reasonable time (5:15-5:30). Even my lazy af DH realizes that we have to split pick up and drop off fairly. He often ends up being tardy with the drop off but the fact that the school can call CPS for too many tardies motivates him a little.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 14:24     Subject: Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why would you have a babysitter pick her up (at 6) and then take her to the library instead of home?


We haven't found a reliable babysitter, or have had a good experience with some and DH and I are not sure whether it's a good idea to leave the babysitter alone with DC.


You should have thought about this a long time ago. If you can't trust a babysitter in your home then what makes you think she is trustworthy enough to pick up your child and take her to library?
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 14:24     Subject: Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
OP: We stagger and have an after school babysitter to get everybody home and make dinner. Because we both must occasionally travel, investing in a quality sitter works for us. We've tried a few different things, like others have said and I really hope this solution works.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 14:19     Subject: Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Agree with the other posters about replacing the school after-care with a nanny or home-based after-school care provider.

How are you going to manage with snow days?
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 14:14     Subject: Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
I know plenty of people with an after school nanny or sitter. PPs are correct, it only becomes more complicated with evening practices and activities.

Personally we stagger schedules. I have inflexible hours but go in at 7 and get out by 4. DH goes in later but works very late, sometimes with work at home flexibility. We use an after care program but am considering a nanny in the future that can pick up at 3. Neighbors have gone through various agencies to find reliable people.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 14:09     Subject: Re:Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Jesus, you people are nasty.

OP, plenty of people are in your shoes, including some of the self-righteous asses responding here. It will take you a couple of tries, probably, before you find a reliable sitter, but you can do it. Good luck to you, and I hope you find a kinder place for real advice.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 14:04     Subject: Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Grow up. You had a family. Move her aftercare to the Y, they close at 6:30. Then rearrange your schedules so that someone gets her by 6:30. That's what the rest of us do.


Maybe they are police officers or other shift workers who don't have much control over hours.


Working in downtown DC and living in Arlington? Doubt it.


ER docs then?


My husband is a fed attorney and he acts like he has to stay at work until unpredictable times each night, often getting home between 6:45 and 7:45. If he had to leave reliably each day at 5:15, which is when he'd have to leave for 6pm pick-up, he would complain endlessly. He leaves at that time maybe 2x a week max, and acts like it's a big and noticeable deal. It seems to me like it's very important to him to be one of the last people there each night, and when I suggest he adapt an earlier and more consistent schedule he freaks out (he frequently doesn't leave the house until 8:45 or 9). If we were both this way, as I suspect OP and spouse are, it would be unworkable. It's MY flexibility that makes it work...someone has to have some flex.

Anonymous
Post 01/02/2017 13:58     Subject: Both parents work, afterschool care closes at 6PM - what options?
Anonymous wrote:You pull her out of aftercare and get a nanny you vet and trust to pick her up from school and stay with her T home til you get there. Expecting a kid to do aftercare til 6 then the library til who knows when (and eat dinner how? And where?) is brutal.


+1
Get au pair or nanny/sitter for after school.