Anonymous wrote:To the "I always wanted them" folks:

But *why* did you want them? For what reason? I like kids too, I'm good with them, and have a strong maternal personality. But I don't want kids. Can those of you who say "because I always wanted them" elaborate on this?

I wanted to experience the same joy my parents got from raising 7 kids. It was constant chaos and broken bones but they both loved the circus like atmosphere. They both loved teaching and nurturing. As we got older, got married and had kids the pride they took in our and their accomplishments was wonderful to behold. They sacrificed a ton for all of us but thoroughly loved their empty nester years. But, even then their favorite days were the ones they spent with their children and grandchildren. Why would I not want to experience that.....but only with three....I'm not nuts! On Christmas Eve as they gather at our house...with our grandchildren....I feel very blessed.

If you have to rationalize having kids you may be better off not having them. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had kids because that is what life is about, reproducing.

So the lives of those who can't or won't reproduce are about nothing?

Honestly, yes. Then you are just living to die.

Wow. You have a sick and sad view of life. There is so much more to life than simply kids. It's okay if your kids are the biggest and most important part of your life but to basically say that any childless person's life is worthless is a bit much. There are lots of childless people who help others and make the world better and worth living in.

Particularly strange given that child - free people engage in more community service, have a much smaller environmental footprint, and subsidize other people's kids with their tax dollars.

To say that being a mother is more meaningful than being a great artist, a pioneering scientist, or humanitarian is insane.

The fact that having kids is the most meaningful thing in your life doesn't mean it's the most meaningful thing in human life. The imperative to reproduce exists across the animal kingdom to be sure, but most of what makes humans special does not. Art, technology, religion, music, literature, and spoken language are all uniquely human. To reduce human existence to the reproduction imperative is just sad.

Also self deluded. None of you would be encouraging your kids to achieve academically and pursue competitive education options if all you wanted was for them to reproduce. You'd be encouraging them to become accountants or electricians so they could earn a decent living and be home for dinner.

Anonymous wrote:To the "I always wanted them" folks:

But *why* did you want them? For what reason? I like kids too, I'm good with them, and have a strong maternal personality. But I don't want kids. Can those of you who say "because I always wanted them" elaborate on this?

I wanted to experience the same joy my parents got from raising 7 kids. It was constant chaos and broken bones but they both loved the circus like atmosphere. They both loved teaching and nurturing. As we got older, got married and had kids the pride they took in our and their accomplishments was wonderful to behold. They sacrificed a ton for all of us but thoroughly loved their empty nester years. But, even then their favorite days were the ones they spent with their children and grandchildren. Why would I not want to experience that.....but only with three....I'm not nuts! On Christmas Eve as they gather at our house...with our grandchildren....I feel very blessed.

If you have to rationalize having kids you may be better off not having them. And there is nothing wrong with that.

To the "I always wanted them" folks:

But *why* did you want them? For what reason? I like kids too, I'm good with them, and have a strong maternal personality. But I don't want kids. Can those of you who say "because I always wanted them" elaborate on this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had kids because that is what life is about, reproducing.

So the lives of those who can't or won't reproduce are about nothing?

Honestly, yes. Then you are just living to die.

Wow. You have a sick and sad view of life. There is so much more to life than simply kids. It's okay if your kids are the biggest and most important part of your life but to basically say that any childless person's life is worthless is a bit much. There are lots of childless people who help others and make the world better and worth living in.

Anonymous wrote:From the time I was young, I knew I was meant to be somebody's mom. But, I never felt compelled to have a baby. So, I adopted kids. I have the personality of a care taker and I love being able to help them grow up to be successful productive people. Not all are old enough yet to tell where they will go with their lives. But, they are old enough to see that they will have the skills and abilities to be able to take care of themselves and contribute to this world. They are also old enough to tell that they have good hearts and are good people. I have done many things in my life, but this is by far the best. But, I don't know why I did it, other than I always felt that I was supposed to be somebody's mom.

OP here. I think this is my favorite post so far. A lot of thoughtful and honest answers!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had kids because that is what life is about, reproducing.

So the lives of those who can't or won't reproduce are about nothing?

Honestly, yes. Then you are just living to die.

My now-ex pressured me with the threat of divorce if I didn't relent and have our first child. We'd planned on having kids eventually but I was not yet ready. I gave in and he promptly made me the default parent and forced me to tank my career so he had free rein to pursue his.

I was the more talented and successful one but he used my pregnancy and breast feeding to paint me into the default parent corner. I eventually left.

After all he did, he actually ended up sucking at his job (big law) and being laid off in the big law purge a few years back.

Now i have 70/30 custody and do 100% of the doctors and dentist visits, organizing activities, and emotional support for our child. We have a great relationship and I'll never tell her that her origin story is so bleak. As she grows up she complains more and more about how her dad s always trying to make her do what he wants and "fox" what he sees as her flaws and misguided priorities. I tell her as calmly as I can that I understand and that sometimes it is hard for him to see other people's perspectives but she shouldn't take it personally.

I'm going to do my best to raise her to know she's in charge of her life.

I have always been a good parent but should not have had it forced on me. My life never recovered from having a child with a major asshole.

I always wanted children. I adore mine. And DH is a great father. We are very very lucky people.

In my case my wife wanted kids and I guess telling her that I didn't ever want to have kids when we started dating as well as several times after we were married just wasn't clear enough. Unfortunately I have an over active sense of commitment and take my obligations far too seriously.

The sad thing is I used to like kids even if I never wanted any, now days I just don't want to be around any kids.

My hats off to the people who love and cherish their children, even the perfect child is no cake walk.

Dh wanted kids and I wanted dh. Not having children was a deal breaker for him. I agreed to one with the understanding that he would be the primary parent. One turned out to be twins. I love my kids now that they are here. I also love how much dh enjoys being a father. But I know that I would've been happy and fulfilled being childfree-my career and dh was enough for me.

Anonymous wrote:Always wanted them. DH always wanted them. We have one here and one on the way. He's a great dad we're really happy.

You don't hear the people like me on here, realize that this is where people come to talk about their problems, not their accomplishments.

My daughter is wonderful, seeing her grow is amazing. If I hadn't had kids my life would have felt incomplete. Its not for everyone obviously, but for me, life is about family.

NP, I love how you've expressed this sentiment. So many cant talk about their desire to have a family without simultaneously belittling those who don't feel the same way, but I think you've hit the perfect note here. Happy Holidays to you and your family.

I purposely got pregnant by a NFL star - best decision I ever made. $$$

We never thought about not having kids! But when my first was born I finally understood the idea of pure love and devotion and the willingness to sacrifice anything to protect him. Straight out of the animal kingdom and how parents protect their young. My three are all grown up, married, successful and with children of their own. So I get to spoil the babies/toddlers while behind the scenes investing for their educations and their parents' retirements. No one should have children if they are not totally committed to making them the #1 priority for many years.

Never occurred to me not to.