Anonymous
12/21/2016 17:18
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^^ Really, PP. I often wonder if some of the parents (father and mother) work. I suspect some live on family trust funds. They are at every school event during the day, are dressed in very casual attire. My kids don't know what other parents do. My son, who is 14, barely knows with his father and I do. The point is I don't think kids care. I know I don't.
You would like to think the kids don't notice. That's different from what they actually experience.
They know more about whose parents are about to split up than what they do for a living.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 17:13
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Anonymous wrote:If the kids are happy in public, have the grandparents put the money away for college or for a downpayment on a house for each kid. If they need to be in private/unhappy, then consider it. I'd rather have college and graduate school fully paid for before I'd consider private in less your child has SN.
+1 fully funded college graduate school is a much better gift. Having spent on private for 13 years, I wish we had put the money towards college.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 17:09
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Anonymous wrote:I have seen vacations mentioned several times on this thread. I'm genuinely curious: What constitutes an "average vacation?" How would you describe a fancy/luxurious vacation?
At our kids' private school, for example, I notice that a number of families go to a beach destination over Christmas break (like Mexico or Hawaii), and to a ski destination over spring break. I like skiing too, but we definitely cannot afford 5 days at Deer Valley with all 3 kids taking ski school, and staying on the mountain. Then, in the summer, a surprising number of them seem to go to Europe. They don't necessarily talk about it much, but I learn of it only because their kids are unavailable to get together for a playdate, etc.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 17:06
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Anonymous wrote:^^ Really, PP. I often wonder if some of the parents (father and mother) work. I suspect some live on family trust funds. They are at every school event during the day, are dressed in very casual attire. My kids don't know what other parents do. My son, who is 14, barely knows with his father and I do. The point is I don't think kids care. I know I don't.
You would like to think the kids don't notice. That's different from what they actually experience.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 17:05
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Anonymous wrote:We are considering private school for our two DD starting in 6th grade, but worry that she'll feel out of place because our HHI is $250,000.
(The grandparents -- who lived modestly but are now doing well thanks to their investments -- would fund the tuition.)
DH and I are both attorneys from top public universities, and I work part-time.
At my workplace, I know quite a few people who send their kids to private school. They seem to have quite a bit more money than we do.
For us, because we're happy with our public schools in Bethesda, it is not essential to move to private, but we think it would be a great opportunity for our daughters.
Our cards are Hondas (2007 and 2003), and our vacations are pretty average. Our daughter loves to host school friends at our house for playdates and sleepovers, but that's because most of our neighbors have small Cape Cods like we do. I'm worried that, if her peers had substantially nicer houses, she might feel reluctant to invite them over. And the house does not have a lot of room for entertaining anyway. I worry that my DDs might not make a lot of friends if they are not willing to reciprocate with playdates/sleepovers, etc.
I welcome the thoughts of anyone who is in this situation, or whose child may have a friend in this situation. Thank you.
You should feel very fortunate that your parents are able and willing to do this, and yes, you would otherwise fit right in.
Singed, two cars, both ca 2000.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 17:04
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
To worry about social inequities at a 250 HHI is a bit tone deaf, considering you will also be attending school with FA students who have almost nothing in comparison.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 17:00
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
^^ Really, PP. I often wonder if some of the parents (father and mother) work. I suspect some live on family trust funds. They are at every school event during the day, are dressed in very casual attire. My kids don't know what other parents do. My son, who is 14, barely knows with his father and I do. The point is I don't think kids care. I know I don't.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 17:00
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Anonymous wrote:Kids do notice these things. At my private school we all knew what everybody's parents did, from the VPs at the local company to the restaurant owner to the FA kid of actor parents. My school had a boarding component and when a Guggenheim grandchild pulled up in a chauffeured car,you better believe everybody noticed. Another kid also pointed out to me that my parents were among the few who weren't divorced (which I hadn't noticed, but it was true).
Did the professions or wealth of the parents affect your social life in a negative way? Or was it just one element in mix of traits people noticed?
Anonymous
12/21/2016 16:58
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have seen vacations mentioned several times on this thread. I'm genuinely curious: What constitutes an "average vacation?" How would you describe a fancy/luxurious vacation?
At my kids' school, they have winter and spring breaks that are at least 2 weeks long to allow families to travel to Europe and other faraway places. A few families have yachts so they "need" the extra sailing time. Others have vacation homes or rentals in places like Jackson Hole, WY so they can spend the break skiing. I could go on and on but going to Florida or Disney World is pedestrian for these families.
So MOST families at your child's school take winter or spring break vacations to Europe? Is this an international school or a regular private school? Are they also flying by private jet?
Anonymous
12/21/2016 16:43
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Kids do notice these things. At my private school we all knew what everybody's parents did, from the VPs at the local company to the restaurant owner to the FA kid of actor parents. My school had a boarding component and when a Guggenheim grandchild pulled up in a chauffeured car,you better believe everybody noticed. Another kid also pointed out to me that my parents were among the few who weren't divorced (which I hadn't noticed, but it was true).
Anonymous
12/21/2016 16:35
Subject: Re:Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Anonymous wrote:Happy for the PP, but I had the opposite reaction growing up in NYC metro. Went to private and relatively speaking (keeping in mind inflation, etc) HHI was about the same as OP. Yes, there were kids on FA, but clearly I was not one of them (truth be told, all kids on FA at my private were minorities, and I'm not a minority). So, didn't fit in with the FA crowd. On the surface, I fit in fine at school. But underneath, I was very insecure, especially when my family experienced financial difficulties due to job loss. Kids were completely desensitized to how wealthy they were. School trips to China (not kidding) that cost several thousand; it was not done to take into account cost when applying to college (SLACs were the way to go - why would you consider anything else).
It took me quite some time to overcome insecurity to become the confident person I am today. I would not wish this type of atmosphere on any child, however "privileged" they are to be receiving the top flight private education.
I actually had the opposite experience at a NE private. My parents paid full tuition for 13 years but they were teachers. I never had an issue fitting in because we found that most of the students at the school were old money and old money doesn't tend to flaunt it as much as new money. For example, my best friend's family has generational wealth but they all drive Buicks and dress plainly. You know know they have money from little things, like there multiple gorgeous custom built homes (in non sexy places), that they eat out all the time, and that a lot of their plain clothing is good stuff. There was another girl, however, who was new money, and was all flash and Bentley's. Just find the right school, don't talk about money with your kid, and you will be fine.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 16:28
Subject: Re:Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Happy for the PP, but I had the opposite reaction growing up in NYC metro. Went to private and relatively speaking (keeping in mind inflation, etc) HHI was about the same as OP. Yes, there were kids on FA, but clearly I was not one of them (truth be told, all kids on FA at my private were minorities, and I'm not a minority). So, didn't fit in with the FA crowd. On the surface, I fit in fine at school. But underneath, I was very insecure, especially when my family experienced financial difficulties due to job loss. Kids were completely desensitized to how wealthy they were. School trips to China (not kidding) that cost several thousand; it was not done to take into account cost when applying to college (SLACs were the way to go - why would you consider anything else).
It took me quite some time to overcome insecurity to become the confident person I am today. I would not wish this type of atmosphere on any child, however "privileged" they are to be receiving the top flight private education.
It took me quite some time to overcome insecurity to become the confident person I am today. I would not wish this type of atmosphere on any child, however "privileged" they are to be receiving the top flight private education.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 16:25
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Anonymous wrote:We are considering private school for our two DD starting in 6th grade, but worry that she'll feel out of place because our HHI is $250,000.
(The grandparents -- who lived modestly but are now doing well thanks to their investments -- would fund the tuition.)
DH and I are both attorneys from top public universities, and I work part-time.
At my workplace, I know quite a few people who send their kids to private school. They seem to have quite a bit more money than we do.
For us, because we're happy with our public schools in Bethesda, it is not essential to move to private, but we think it would be a great opportunity for our daughters.
Our cards are Hondas (2007 and 2003), and our vacations are pretty average. Our daughter loves to host school friends at our house for playdates and sleepovers, but that's because most of our neighbors have small Cape Cods like we do. I'm worried that, if her peers had substantially nicer houses, she might feel reluctant to invite them over. And the house does not have a lot of room for entertaining anyway. I worry that my DDs might not make a lot of friends if they are not willing to reciprocate with playdates/sleepovers, etc.
I welcome the thoughts of anyone who is in this situation, or whose child may have a friend in this situation. Thank you.
No. She will not feel out of place. Unless, of course, you make her feel out of place. The kids do not care. My kids went to St. Albans and NCS. We make less than you. Nobody cares what you make, what you drive, or how large your house is.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 16:25
Subject: Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have seen vacations mentioned several times on this thread. I'm genuinely curious: What constitutes an "average vacation?" How would you describe a fancy/luxurious vacation?
At my kids' school, they have winter and spring breaks that are at least 2 weeks long to allow families to travel to Europe and other faraway places. A few families have yachts so they "need" the extra sailing time. Others have vacation homes or rentals in places like Jackson Hole, WY so they can spend the break skiing. I could go on and on but going to Florida or Disney World is pedestrian for these families.
We have family in a "cool" far western state. We visit to see family and sleep in a relative's basement. But if the competition for cool vacations gets too intense, I figure Dear Child can ride horses, fish, and boat enough to earn street cred.
Hobby ranches are the in thing these days, are they not? PICTURES WITH COWS, my child. Take pictures with cows.
Anonymous
12/21/2016 16:19
Subject: Re:Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000
I grew up in DC and went to one of the "best" private schools in the area. My parents are wealthy by many standards, but not by DC private school standards. I had no idea, nor cared about how much money or stuff my friends or their families had. I was well liked, did well in school and turned out generally A-ok. I did not know that some of their parents were insanely successful lawyers, senators, doctors, CEOs until much later in life. This is about you, not them. Don't let your insecurities rub off on them.