Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all have offered great advice.

Neither of us cheated. I have a major health illness that has caused a lot of stress on the family. I have chosen not to tell my parents, and husband disagrees with this decision. He is a kind, good man. I consider myself to also be a decent person. He realizes that we might be better off apart than together. He thinks he can actually help me handle the health issues when we are separated.

It is too complicated to communicate here, and I still haven't been able to sleep. I appreciate what everyone has contributed, and I am sure that therapy is in order. Hard to do that on a Saturday, but I am trying to get that lined up.

Do you have AIDS? A drug addiction? What possible major health issue could you have, bad enough to cause a break up of your family, that is so shameful to you, that you won't tell your own parents about it? He's threatening divorce in the hopes you will pull your head out of your ass.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all have offered great advice.

Neither of us cheated. I have a major health illness that has caused a lot of stress on the family. I have chosen not to tell my parents, and husband disagrees with this decision. He is a kind, good man. I consider myself to also be a decent person. He realizes that we might be better off apart than together. He thinks he can actually help me handle the health issues when we are separated.

It is too complicated to communicate here, and I still haven't been able to sleep. I appreciate what everyone has contributed, and I am sure that therapy is in order. Hard to do that on a Saturday, but I am trying to get that lined up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids in the house/parents rotate is common in my part of MoCo.

Here's how it plays out:

Cheater stays with BF/GF

Other parent crashes with the grandparents, friends or neighbors---some even rent a room from another single/separated/divorced friend

The goal is to keep the kids stable.

If you have to make the kids switch homes, then your husband should rent a place in the neighborhood.

Kids in the house works best when there is a separate place available for parents. I have a friend who did this and it was very difficult as she had to find a to rent and so did her ex. It was very expensive.

Anonymous wrote:Kids in the house/parents rotate is common in my part of MoCo.

Here's how it plays out:

Cheater stays with BF/GF

Other parent crashes with the grandparents, friends or neighbors---some even rent a room from another single/separated/divorced friend

The goal is to keep the kids stable.

If you have to make the kids switch homes, then your husband should rent a place in the neighborhood.

Anonymous wrote:But no father would leave his children with an alcoholic mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sudden moves.

Calmly tell you asshat husband that he isn't allowed to simply drop that bomb on you and control the next steps. That's not how this will work.

He needs to tell you why, and you need to discuss it.

You two should do therapy--and so should the kids once they've been told.

You two must agree that all next steps will be carried out with the best interests of the children whose lives will be turned upside down. The therapist can coach you on how to tell the kids.

Act like you are committed to working on the marriage, but quietly lawyer up.

I've seen people handle it this way, and I think that's what I would do: the kids stay in their own home, and the parents stay at the house when they have custody. Some have spent off nights with their parents or in a nearby rental. Some move in with their GF/BF. It's less disruptive to the kids. *No GF/BF allowed in the family home.

Make sure DH gets custody Thursday thru Sunday so he doesn't have weekends off. Why should he get his cake and eat it too? Feel free to show up and the kids weekend games/activities, but don't be on the hook for them. (Hope his GF is inconvenienced when he isn't available on the weekends).

This +1000. Print this out and follow it. All of it.

Anonymous wrote:But no father would leave his children with an alcoholic mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all have offered great advice.

Neither of us cheated. I have a major health illness that has caused a lot of stress on the family. I have chosen not to tell my parents, and husband disagrees with this decision. He is a kind, good man. I consider myself to also be a decent person. He realizes that we might be better off apart than together. He thinks he can actually help me handle the health issues when we are separated.

It is too complicated to communicate here, and I still haven't been able to sleep. I appreciate what everyone has contributed, and I am sure that therapy is in order. Hard to do that on a Saturday, but I am trying to get that lined up.

Be honest, is it alcohol abuse? I could see how he would need the distance of not living with you and being mArried to you to deal with that.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You all have offered great advice.

Neither of us cheated. I have a major health illness that has caused a lot of stress on the family. I have chosen not to tell my parents, and husband disagrees with this decision. He is a kind, good man. I consider myself to also be a decent person. He realizes that we might be better off apart than together. He thinks he can actually help me handle the health issues when we are separated.

It is too complicated to communicate here, and I still haven't been able to sleep. I appreciate what everyone has contributed, and I am sure that therapy is in order. Hard to do that on a Saturday, but I am trying to get that lined up.