Anonymous
Post 12/20/2016 12:21     Subject: Dating etiquete - what next?
Anonymous wrote:Since you opened up Pandora's Box OP (by discussing sex w/him), it is likely going to be HIS favorite topic of conversation until he gets some.

After all.....He is a guy!


+ 1000
You'd be smart to remember that
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2016 22:13     Subject: Dating etiquete - what next?
OP, I'm on your side. If you're interested in him, call him, tell him so, apologize for your snafus by acknowledging how you may hurt him twice, and tell him you'd like one more try. You only have 2 strikes and it takes 3 for an out!
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2016 17:42     Subject: Dating etiquete - what next?
You sound high maintenance OR 12
ZachF
Post 12/19/2016 16:24     Subject: Dating etiquete - what next?
Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks all for the feedback. Now I feel crappy about what I texted to him. Men try to hit on me a lot but this is the first man I've felt such instant, strong chemistry with...that might be part of my problem, it made me more anxious.

I was married for over 25 years, so I did well at maintaining a relationship over decades but obviously I'm clueless about modern dating. Clear communication was a key to the long marriage but we already knew each other well, different from a new date.

Some of the comments have helped me to see where I've gone wrong with this one and how do do better. I'll put this one down to messing up my first real dating experience since my divorce and I think that next time I won't make similar mistakes.


Text him a photo of your cleavage, bra still on and text, "can you take this off for me?". That will fix everything.
singledadmclean
Post 12/19/2016 08:51     Subject: Dating etiquete - what next?
Anonymous wrote:In truth, maybe he was just looking for something sexual. I'm 46 and texting wasn't a thing back when I was dating.
The fact that this guy got "steamy" so quickly before they had even been intimate -- is this the norm nowadays? Even when the guy is looking for something more enduring? I don't remember that happening before I had sex with a guy -- but this was back in the 90s, so I know I'm a dinosaur.


Mid-50s man's experience: Yes, it's a thing. I've had steamy phone calls and text sessions with women within 30 minutes of getting their number, before ever meeting. Almost always met them on a personals site. But those sex sluts are more likely to be flaky and less likely to truly be relationship material. But they are fun and serve their purpose.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2016 02:44     Subject: Dating etiquete - what next?
In truth, maybe he was just looking for something sexual. I'm 46 and texting wasn't a thing back when I was dating.
The fact that this guy got "steamy" so quickly before they had even been intimate -- is this the norm nowadays? Even when the guy is looking for something more enduring? I don't remember that happening before I had sex with a guy -- but this was back in the 90s, so I know I'm a dinosaur.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 22:53     Subject: Dating etiquete - what next?
You turned it into a hookup thing with the racy texting. There isn't a way to come back from that, so watch it next time.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 22:52     Subject: Re:Dating etiquete - what next?
I'm almost 40 and have been married for 10 years. I didn't text with my boyfriend, now DH. We talked on the phone. Why don't you stick to old fashioned phones and live dates and stop texting?
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 22:45     Subject: Re:Dating etiquete - what next?
So OP. Did you get some action on the weekend date?
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 22:03     Subject: Dating etiquete - what next?
Anonymous wrote:hopefully he's moved on ... I know I would.

Remember: you're a dime a dozen.


Women are like buses: you miss one, there's another coming in 10 minutes.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 18:46     Subject: Re:Dating etiquete - what next?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How old are you, OP? I feel like my mom would act like you if she were suddenly single.


You've got a point...context matters. I'll just say that I was married over 25 years, so you could be spot on, lol.

Many people who obviously have no romantic interest in me, including women and old men with their wives have told me that I look about 20 years younger. I've done a girls night out with friends including a very sexy woman who is much younger than me and men her age walked past her and tried to hit on me. I know that I look hotter than I did in my 20s and 30s. So I know that I'm attractive to many men and I do get hit on a lot, but I have a lot to learn about dating these days and I'm sure I'll make other mistakes before I get the hang of it, but I'll learn.

He started the sexy talk, not me. He started it once before and I ignored it but that last time I wanted to play along so I did and I don't regret it. It was incredibly hot but I did get the sense that now he can't get that out of his mind and I didn't want that to become the main topic every time we chat so I stopped it, apparently not gracefully.


Reading the initial page of the string, it makes sense OP is a "grown-up". That said, there are etiquette standards. Older gentlemen that have been single and may have dated younger women, could believe that certain dating protocols are appropriate. I hope to teach my daughter this is not the case.

OP - call him out.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 18:24     Subject: Dating etiquete - what next?
Anonymous wrote:I posted before that a man had asked me on a date, I agreed to meet him but added that it was not a date. It seems he took that as a rejection. Following wise advice I called him, said that I hadn't intended to reject him with my last text. He put me at ease, we chatted a bit, he said he likes me and at the end he asked me when could we meet for the date? We had a lunch date the next day and it was so much fun! He asked to see me again and I agreed. It's obvious to both of us that we like each other a lot. Since then we've talked and/or texted at least twice every day. I'm excited about seeing him.

Yesterday our phone conversation started with talking about families, interests etc and ended with flirting and a really steamy chat, which was fun. During one of our chats I mentioned that I'm interested in a potential LTR, not hooking up. Today he sent me a racy text that would have been okay during our steamy talk but unexpectedly in a text I didn't like it and I told him that. Then I had to go so I politely ended the chat.

Our next date is supposed to be dinner followed by a movie this weekend. Is it possible he's decided to cancel that without telling me? Maybe he'll contact me tomorrow to confirm?

This short time has had really fun moments but there are issues with texting that I either don't do well or don't understand the etiquette. When I dated before my former marriage, there was no texting available so no risk of texting blunders on either side. I'm taking the approach now or wait and see.

Any advice, dos and don'ts about texting a date in a new relationship, that I need to know?


I was the guy that suggested you call and be honest in the last thread.

This is how guys and gals operate differently. You had build up to the racy stuff and it was fun. However, you can't just jump right to it. A guy sees that door open and assumes it's open. I think you should reach out again and break the ice by saying sorry I had to run the other day. Tell him it was really bad timing because you felt bad cutting him off from explicit texting without getting a chance to explain. Tell him how much fun you found it the first time but you didn't have experience doing it. For you, it just felt awkward to jump right in and that you discovered, at least for now, you can't just jump into it. tell him you were concerned he may have been getting mixed signals and you just wanted to clear up what happened. Then tell him you are looking forward to...(whatever your next thing is)
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 13:50     Subject: Dating etiquete - what next?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He hasn't contacted me. I hurt his feelings twice in a fairly short time so I think he won't contact me. I feel bad about bruising his ego-twice- but I've learnt from this experience.


It's not about you bruising his ego, it's about you having shitty text game. Learn how to text before you drive more men away that you didn't need to.


Give some advice on date texting etiquette. From this thread the overall thing I've learned is to avoid giving negative comments by text. Do you have other tips?
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 13:30     Subject: Re:Dating etiquete - what next?
Anonymous wrote:How old are you, OP? I feel like my mom would act like you if she were suddenly single.


You've got a point...context matters. I'll just say that I was married over 25 years, so you could be spot on, lol.

Many people who obviously have no romantic interest in me, including women and old men with their wives have told me that I look about 20 years younger. I've done a girls night out with friends including a very sexy woman who is much younger than me and men her age walked past her and tried to hit on me. I know that I look hotter than I did in my 20s and 30s. So I know that I'm attractive to many men and I do get hit on a lot, but I have a lot to learn about dating these days and I'm sure I'll make other mistakes before I get the hang of it, but I'll learn.

He started the sexy talk, not me. He started it once before and I ignored it but that last time I wanted to play along so I did and I don't regret it. It was incredibly hot but I did get the sense that now he can't get that out of his mind and I didn't want that to become the main topic every time we chat so I stopped it, apparently not gracefully.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2016 10:00     Subject: Re:Dating etiquete - what next?
How old are you, OP? I feel like my mom would act like you if she were suddenly single.