Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nearing 60. Great kid, terrible marriage (separated), mediocre career. Obsessed with making my 60s the best decade of my life by going all out.

My mom's life imploded when in her late 50s (career and relationships in the toilet, homeless, bankrupt, lost pretty much everything you can lose, etc.). She moved, changed careers, and began again. This time she did what she loved, lived in a place she loved, and saved like crazy. She consciously decided to set aside romantic relationships and just focused on being happy on her own. It took a few years, but eventually her new career took off, she found a great apartment in a wonderful town, made a ton of friends, traveled the world, and found great meaning and joy volunteering with a local theater company. Without a doubt, the last 20 years were the happiest of her life. Losing everything was the best thing that ever happened to her.

You can do it too, pp. Just focus on what makes you happy and do that.

Thanks for posting this. As a likely widow-to-be at age 50, I need all the stories like this I can hear.

If this thread had gone up six months ago, I would have posted the same as many of you--great life, financially secure, great marriage, doing everything that I/we want.

And then my husband got a CT scan for some abdominal pain, and is now six months into Stage 4 cancer.

If I may be a downer--everything is fine until it isn't.

Truer words were never spoken. You take the life you have for granted and then it disappears.

I just turned 50 a few months ago and I can say that my life didn't turn out the way I wanted it. I got divorced at 35, we have a now 22 year old daughter. I spent all of her child hood making sure she had everything she needed and gave her all my time and attention. Never really made time to do things for myself. I never had the second child I wanted because of the divorce. I don't enjoy my "career". I wanted to be a nurse, but nursing school never worked out so I've been a contractor for the government for the last 25 years. I didn't get to travel as much as I wanted because money was tight. Plus I didn't buy a house until I was in my 40's. Hopefully I'll be able to do some traveling now that my daughter is out of college.

Looking back I regret not having more sexual experiences. Such is life when you marry young to a beautiful starfish.

I am a stay-at-home dad. At age 30 I wouldn't have believed in 1,000 years that would be my destiny yet here I am. I have been happy doing it and spending time with the kids. I have picked up part-time work at times and have become a great cook. But the marriage has its cracks. Hard-driving wife has drifted away emotionally. I happen to think she is attracted to ambition and accomplishment, and as a SAHD there is little room for that.

But I am only 53, healthy, active and love being around my girls (11, 9, 4).

No, not since my move to the USA almost 18 years ago.
I was very successful overseas, making tax almost 6 figures in my late 20's (company paid taxes). Was offered what seemed an ideal position in DC, but once I came here, everything went south ...

Let's be realistic. DC is all about who you know. Being the perfect candidate for a job does not mean much. The position I was offered back in 1998 required a minimum of 5 years consulting experience, being fully tri-lingual (French, Arabic, English) as well as experience working in international schools. Got the position, was flown here, leased an apartment, then was told my job did not exist any more ... long story short it was given to a 22 year old, straight out of college, who did not qualify for the job AT ALL. After applying to various jobs for over a year and not getting anything, I took the PRAXIS exams/certification courses and settled for teaching. Now I am making less than what I used to make in my late 20's ... minus tax.

No, we weren't able to live where we wanted (and are now living the DC metro), we weren't able to have children, and we weren't able to have the careers we want.

On the plus side, my DH and I still love each other. It's the only thing we have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nearing 60. Great kid, terrible marriage (separated), mediocre career. Obsessed with making my 60s the best decade of my life by going all out.

My mom's life imploded when in her late 50s (career and relationships in the toilet, homeless, bankrupt, lost pretty much everything you can lose, etc.). She moved, changed careers, and began again. This time she did what she loved, lived in a place she loved, and saved like crazy. She consciously decided to set aside romantic relationships and just focused on being happy on her own. It took a few years, but eventually her new career took off, she found a great apartment in a wonderful town, made a ton of friends, traveled the world, and found great meaning and joy volunteering with a local theater company. Without a doubt, the last 20 years were the happiest of her life. Losing everything was the best thing that ever happened to her.

You can do it too, pp. Just focus on what makes you happy and do that.

Thanks for posting this. As a likely widow-to-be at age 50, I need all the stories like this I can hear.

If this thread had gone up six months ago, I would have posted the same as many of you--great life, financially secure, great marriage, doing everything that I/we want.

And then my husband got a CT scan for some abdominal pain, and is now six months into Stage 4 cancer.

If I may be a downer--everything is fine until it isn't.

That was me 4 years ago. Today, there is no evidence of disease. I will be honest. I beat the odds they gave me (so far) (20% survival disease free). Good luck.

That's wonderful, PP--may you keep right on NED'ing! Thanks for posting this. DH's %s are pretty dang low, but You Never Know.

Anonymous wrote:Yes and no. The Chrsitmas card life looks great - good looking family, healthy kids, own two homes and husband's work is good. However, I struggle with personal fulfillment because I am a stay at home mom with three kids which I never expected, and I went into marriage with naive expectations and resent DH a lot. However I feel very fortunate and feel like I have led a full life. If I died tomorrow I think I could feel okay about it all.

Soul sister. I feel you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nearing 60. Great kid, terrible marriage (separated), mediocre career. Obsessed with making my 60s the best decade of my life by going all out.

My mom's life imploded when in her late 50s (career and relationships in the toilet, homeless, bankrupt, lost pretty much everything you can lose, etc.). She moved, changed careers, and began again. This time she did what she loved, lived in a place she loved, and saved like crazy. She consciously decided to set aside romantic relationships and just focused on being happy on her own. It took a few years, but eventually her new career took off, she found a great apartment in a wonderful town, made a ton of friends, traveled the world, and found great meaning and joy volunteering with a local theater company. Without a doubt, the last 20 years were the happiest of her life. Losing everything was the best thing that ever happened to her.

You can do it too, pp. Just focus on what makes you happy and do that.

Thanks for posting this. As a likely widow-to-be at age 50, I need all the stories like this I can hear.

If this thread had gone up six months ago, I would have posted the same as many of you--great life, financially secure, great marriage, doing everything that I/we want.

And then my husband got a CT scan for some abdominal pain, and is now six months into Stage 4 cancer.

If I may be a downer--everything is fine until it isn't.

That was me 4 years ago. Today, there is no evidence of disease. I will be honest. I beat the odds they gave me (so far) (20% survival disease free). Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nearing 60. Great kid, terrible marriage (separated), mediocre career. Obsessed with making my 60s the best decade of my life by going all out.

My mom's life imploded when in her late 50s (career and relationships in the toilet, homeless, bankrupt, lost pretty much everything you can lose, etc.). She moved, changed careers, and began again. This time she did what she loved, lived in a place she loved, and saved like crazy. She consciously decided to set aside romantic relationships and just focused on being happy on her own. It took a few years, but eventually her new career took off, she found a great apartment in a wonderful town, made a ton of friends, traveled the world, and found great meaning and joy volunteering with a local theater company. Without a doubt, the last 20 years were the happiest of her life. Losing everything was the best thing that ever happened to her.

You can do it too, pp. Just focus on what makes you happy and do that.

Thanks for posting this. As a likely widow-to-be at age 50, I need all the stories like this I can hear.

If this thread had gone up six months ago, I would have posted the same as many of you--great life, financially secure, great marriage, doing everything that I/we want.

And then my husband got a CT scan for some abdominal pain, and is now six months into Stage 4 cancer.

If I may be a downer--everything is fine until it isn't.

I'm so sorry to hear that PP. Be strong.

Yes and no. The Chrsitmas card life looks great - good looking family, healthy kids, own two homes and husband's work is good. However, I struggle with personal fulfillment because I am a stay at home mom with three kids which I never expected, and I went into marriage with naive expectations and resent DH a lot. However I feel very fortunate and feel like I have led a full life. If I died tomorrow I think I could feel okay about it all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nearing 60. Great kid, terrible marriage (separated), mediocre career. Obsessed with making my 60s the best decade of my life by going all out.

My mom's life imploded when in her late 50s (career and relationships in the toilet, homeless, bankrupt, lost pretty much everything you can lose, etc.). She moved, changed careers, and began again. This time she did what she loved, lived in a place she loved, and saved like crazy. She consciously decided to set aside romantic relationships and just focused on being happy on her own. It took a few years, but eventually her new career took off, she found a great apartment in a wonderful town, made a ton of friends, traveled the world, and found great meaning and joy volunteering with a local theater company. Without a doubt, the last 20 years were the happiest of her life. Losing everything was the best thing that ever happened to her.

You can do it too, pp. Just focus on what makes you happy and do that.

Thanks for posting this. As a likely widow-to-be at age 50, I need all the stories like this I can hear.

If this thread had gone up six months ago, I would have posted the same as many of you--great life, financially secure, great marriage, doing everything that I/we want.

And then my husband got a CT scan for some abdominal pain, and is now six months into Stage 4 cancer.

If I may be a downer--everything is fine until it isn't.

Anonymous wrote:PP here, sorry, didn't realize this was the fifty and over forum!

The Fifty and Over Council will meet and I expect give you a pass. LOL

Anonymous wrote:Of course luck plays into it. But by luck, I go by the definition I heard from Oprah once: preparation meeting opportunity. So my advice is to be prepared for the opportunities you want. If you want a partner that is kind, adorng and confident, then prepare yourself to be the person who that partner is attracted to. Work on being kind and confident. Treat yourself well, meaning don't put up with nonsense or disrespect.

I copied that and put it on a handy place on my computer. Thank you. A great message for the New Year.

I never had a vision of my life going in a particular direction. It was more important for me to do what I liked, and whatever direction came from that was OK.

That's worked out pretty well. In hindsight (I'm 60 now) I would have 1) been a little less wasteful with money, and 2) been a better networker in my profession when things were good, which would have helped me more when things are not so good.