Anonymous wrote:My DD is in third grade. Invite just arrived for a classmate we don't know well (think she invited the entire class). It is at a local library, think they will play games/have a scavenger hunt in the library then eat at the McDonald's next door. My DD said she doesn't want to go because the party is super lame and none of her friends are going.

Would you let your kid skip? I'm leaning towards saying no just because we don't know the kid but I don't want myDD to think she can skip out on things just because she seems them lame.

I hope the party is really at Joe's Pizza. You didn't do a very good job of disguising this post. Obviously you are from outside the Beltway, but still, people do Google things. I hope the party girl and her mom never find your post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the girls is new to the school, I actually would make my daughter go. I'd also work on that mean streak she seems to be developing.

+1. This sounds like a family of lower SES trying to their best. And your DD sounds like she has the makings of growing into a monster.

+2 but 'monster' might be a bit much. But she definitely is sporting a mean girl attitude here.

Talk to her not only about being polite, but empathy. The other girl is new and they are trying to include everyone. How would your DD feel if this was reversed?

+3
My heart aches for the little girl being crapped on. I hate the bland, snobbish sameness that some kids seems to fall into so easily, to say nothing of mean girling her. And that party sounds like it could be a lot of fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a strange party. How do you do a scavenger hunt at a library and keep kids quiet? Not everyone likes McDonalds - we only eat breakfast there. I would encourage her to go, but I wouldn't force it.

OP, this is an example of who your DD will be when she becomes an adult unless you teach her manners and kindness...and resiliency!

From the sounds of it, the parents are probably on a tight budget and they want to keep costs under control which I totally respect.

Back when we were kids, as a 3rd grader I would have thought this was a cool idea for a party.

Its not good manners to bring a group of kids to a library for a scavenger hunt. Its a quiet place, not a place for kids to run around. And, if the parent are on a tight budget McDonalds is not very cheap. It isn't rude, if a child is a vegetarian. The only thing my child could eat is a salad or pancakes and not all parents would buy a different meal or be ok with mine buying something different. The major food items, including potato items are meat or have meat byproducts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? Have none of you PPs ever decided whether to go to an event that doesn't really interest you that much based on whether or not other friends of yours are going? Or privately told your spouse or friends not involved in the event that something you'd rather not go to sounds boring? I certainly have. People get to choose what invitations to accept. OP's DD would be mean if she said something rude to the classmate about the party, but I don't get why everyone is calling her a mean girl for telling her mother she doesn't want to go to a party that doesn't sound interesting where she isn't friends with many of the attendees.

Because that is not what OPs daughter said.

OPs daughter said she and her posse have decided they do not want to go to the new girl's party because they collectively decided the party "looks lame."

We are atliing about eight year olds here. This is sixth grade behavior.

Yeah, and "lame" is 8 year old speak for anything vaguely undesirable, and in this instance it probably most nearly meant "boring" in more adult words. Most children do not express their thoughts in as accurate, nuanced, or careful way as most adults. Still not seeing the big deal, unless she said it to the birthday child.

Anonymous wrote:Really? Have none of you PPs ever decided whether to go to an event that doesn't really interest you that much based on whether or not other friends of yours are going? Or privately told your spouse or friends not involved in the event that something you'd rather not go to sounds boring? I certainly have. People get to choose what invitations to accept. OP's DD would be mean if she said something rude to the classmate about the party, but I don't get why everyone is calling her a mean girl for telling her mother she doesn't want to go to a party that doesn't sound interesting where she isn't friends with many of the attendees.

Because that is not what OPs daughter said.

OPs daughter said she and her posse have decided they do not want to go to the new girl's party because they collectively decided the party "looks lame."

We are atliing about eight year olds here. This is sixth grade behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the girls is new to the school, I actually would make my daughter go. I'd also work on that mean streak she seems to be developing.

+1. This sounds like a family of lower SES trying to their best. And your DD sounds like she has the makings of growing into a monster.

+2 but 'monster' might be a bit much. But she definitely is sporting a mean girl attitude here.

Talk to her not only about being polite, but empathy. The other girl is new and they are trying to include everyone. How would your DD feel if this was reversed?

Two issues: whether she goes or not, and her rudeness.

If she does declines, insist that you never hear this ugliness - - that "it's lame"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is a lower income child reaching our for friends I would have a serious discussion with my kid about being kind.
If thats not the case I would not make them go if they didnt want to.

I assume not lower income as this is a private school, but the girl is new to the school this year. Class is also fairly small so that may explain inviting all.

Don't make assumptions, maybe she's on a scholarship, or someone other than parents is paying tuition. Or maybe they're frugal.
Not only does she think the party's lame, but she and her clique have bad mouthed the girl and assured one another they wouldn't attend. Mean girl in the making unless you intervene, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:honestly the party does sound super LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

social suicide for the kid, what are the parents thinking?

You sound like a teenager. Like that Alicia Silverstone character in "Clueless" or something.

"Social suicide"? The kids are eight years old.

The character in Clueless was in high school, much kinder, and learned the difference between the superficial and the genuine, which sadly this PP as an adult hasn't learned.

Personally the party sounds like fun to me. I don't think your DD is a Queen Bee, OP, I think she's a worker bee. But still this kind of attitude is unfortunate as such a young age. Plus, girl friendships turn on a dime. She could be on the outs in a heartbeat.

I think she should go with a gracious attitude. Kids often poo-poo things social, but love them when they're in the moment. Yeah, if she'll be a stinker, then keep her home. But OP you sound like a thoughtful person, I don't think you've raised a stinker.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the child is new,I would encourage my child to attend. It's hard to be the new kid. But honestly, my kids aren't mean. They would go and be nice even if they really didn't want to.

Weird, why spend time with people you don't specifically like (not that you dislike the classmate, but just that you don't like them enough to want to go to their party) doing something you don't want to do? Would your kids want people trying hard to pretend to be their friends just because they're new?

You can spend time with people you don't know to get to know them better, even if it's something you THINK you don't want to do. (Has OP's DD even been to a library scavenger hunt party, then food at McD's? Probably not.) I personally WOULD want people to come to my child's party (which is different than pretending to be their friends) just because they're new. Absolutely.

+1 People she doesn't like? These are the classmates with whom she spends every day at school. And yeah, show some compassion to the new kid (different than pity).

Bonus that it's at the library, she could learn a thing or two. How often are your kids there anyway?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the child is new,I would encourage my child to attend. It's hard to be the new kid. But honestly, my kids aren't mean. They would go and be nice even if they really didn't want to.

Weird, why spend time with people you don't specifically like (not that you dislike the classmate, but just that you don't like them enough to want to go to their party) doing something you don't want to do? Would your kids want people trying hard to pretend to be their friends just because they're new?

You can spend time with people you don't know to get to know them better, even if it's something you THINK you don't want to do. (Has OP's DD even been to a library scavenger hunt party, then food at McD's? Probably not.) I personally WOULD want people to come to my child's party (which is different than pretending to be their friends) just because they're new. Absolutely.

Anonymous wrote:honestly the party does sound super LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

social suicide for the kid, what are the parents thinking?

You sound like a teenager. Like that Alicia Silverstone character in "Clueless" or something.

"Social suicide"? The kids are eight years old.

Anonymous wrote:I find it a strange party. How do you do a scavenger hunt at a library and keep kids quiet? Not everyone likes McDonalds - we only eat breakfast there. I would encourage her to go, but I wouldn't force it.

OP, this is an example of who your DD will be when she becomes an adult unless you teach her manners and kindness...and resiliency!

From the sounds of it, the parents are probably on a tight budget and they want to keep costs under control which I totally respect.

Back when we were kids, as a 3rd grader I would have thought this was a cool idea for a party.

One of the best parties I went to involved a scavenger hunt.

I posted before saying I had a 3rd grade son and am going to now say she should go. It's different that the girl is new to the school and the class is small. They may be from another part of the country where the over the top birthday parties are not the norm. Speak with her about the attitude and encourage her to reach out to the new girl.