Your SIL is a bitch. I would ignore. If she was somehow expecting lots of help from you, she is a terrible hostess.

I think that at least part of the reason why everyone coming home and piling into the same house is falling out of fashion is the fact that people are marrying and having children later.

The "kids" coming home to their parents' houses are middle aged (or close to it) themselves. Where air mattresses and sleeping in sleeping bags might have been fun and doable in their 20's. By the time they are 40/45 years old, they have less energy for that sort of thing plus their bodies simply don't adapt as easily to that sort of sleep arrangement nor do they recover from the lack of sleep. AND they are a little set in their ways themselves - they are used to being on a particular schedule, value their privacy, don't enjoy sharing bathrooms, need time to wake up and may even have medical conditions that they are trying to deal with.

This might be a long standing family tradition, but it is almost guaranteed that the memories involve younger 20 something grown "kids". By the time those grown kids in the past had reached 40/45, their own kids were grown and coming home to visit them.

At any rate, I think that flexibility is important. And part of being a good host means wanting your guests to feel comfortable - if that means a hotel, so be it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you and your sister young, unmarried and/or childless?

Why does it matter? Other than SIL feeling and acting superior to them, I guess...

Because if OP and her sister swan in and out for meal times and leave all prep, cooking, cleaning, shopping and child care to their hosts, they suck.

Yes, because the young and the childless are the only ones who slack on responsibility.

Much better for SIL to hold them hostage in order for her to ensure that they pay their debt to the family holiday by incurring the requisite number of hours of shared childcare.

Seriously, PP? My guess is many of the older marrieds will shirk out of many things in order to enjoy football or surf the net for Black Friday deals, like anyone else.

Please. We all have those "single and loving it" family members who contribute nothing, consume everything, and complain any time a child dares to make a peep. Maybe if you don't think this is true, it's you.

What a jerky response. My in-laws are like this and don't seem to understand why we don't stay with them (family of 5) despite the fact that they have a teeeny-tiny house without a guest room or even a pull-out couch! We literally have to sleep on floors (lucky ones get to sleep on couches) or endure remarks like the one from your SIL. I get it that their and your SIL's traditions may be different. It's too bad that they don't understand that it's OK to follow a different path. I would LOVE for my guests to stay in hotels!

Op? Where are you? We need more details please. Was the prearranged? What was your past sleeping arrangements? How many years? Always bad blood with sil or is this the first? What about your brother?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you and your sister young, unmarried and/or childless?

Why does it matter? Other than SIL feeling and acting superior to them, I guess...

Because if OP and her sister swan in and out for meal times and leave all prep, cooking, cleaning, shopping and child care to their hosts, they suck.

Yes, because the young and the childless are the only ones who slack on responsibility.

Much better for SIL to hold them hostage in order for her to ensure that they pay their debt to the family holiday by incurring the requisite number of hours of shared childcare.

Seriously, PP? My guess is many of the older marrieds will shirk out of many things in order to enjoy football or surf the net for Black Friday deals, like anyone else.

You're the best guest. It's OK to sleep in hotel. Just plan to be at her house most of the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she live in flyover country? This sounds so flyover country to me. The hell of mass family gatherings.

Such a snob.

We do this all over New England. Some people actually like their families.

Right, but the bullying, you're staying here or else, is rude, when it's 20 folks in a 3500 sq ft home. And parts of New England are no different from nondiverse flyover country.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you and your sister young, unmarried and/or childless?

Why does it matter? Other than SIL feeling and acting superior to them, I guess...

Because if OP and her sister swan in and out for meal times and leave all prep, cooking, cleaning, shopping and child care to their hosts, they suck.

Anonymous wrote:Sleep is an absolute premium for me as a working mom. If someome insists on the "bunking mentality" then they better be providing me with an actual bed in my own quiet, dark room. If not, hotel for me! It annoys me to no end to get judgment on this front.

I totally understand. Getting up early to go to work the Friday after Thanksgiving sucks no matter how much sleep I have had. Everyone is out of sorts and the kids are off their schedule.

Anonymous wrote:wow. I think I might skip thanksgiving if I got that message. I definitely would only be talking to my brother from then on.

over react much?

The only legitimate thing I can think of is that the SIL already told other guests they couldn't stay over because OP had agreed earlier to stay at her house.

This is why texting sucks. If you had called and talked to her about staying in a hotel, you would have sensed her disappointment and been able to talk to each other about why it made sense. This whole new dynamic of stewing about things and then firing off texts about it leads to SO much miscommunication these days. Put down the phone, and well, pick up the phone!

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you and your sister young, unmarried and/or childless?

Why does it matter? Other than SIL feeling and acting superior to them, I guess...

OP, are you and your sister young, unmarried and/or childless?