Anonymous wrote:We used to do that but I heard from parents that they often didn't get the message until the next day, and it makes it hard to then call another kid to see if they are available. Some families don't even have home phones anymore.
What's challenging for me is the way kids in my neighborhood are booked days in advance. I have enough trouble planning my own life days in advance. That's why I'm saying I've screwed this all up...I spent years thinking she could just work it out by herself without realizing all he other moms were making plans for their kids many days in advance.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this has nothing to do with working or SAHM. Are you involved in the school? Volunteer? PTA? Teacher's appreciation? What about 5th grade graduation. If you work and use that as a reason to never be involved, then yes, you are being a social leper and it is hard to recover from.

What about birthday parties years ago when parents needed to stay. They are always on weekends. Did you send your husband or did you go, mingle, and meet other moms.

How about weekend sleepovers? Do you offer to have a night of 4-5 girls over your daughter would like to be better friends with. Invite the moms in for a glass of wine before heading out.

This has so much more to do with who works and who doesn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are close - this will not matter in a year.

Middle schoolers make their own friends. Just be there for rides and don't impede her plans (which are often very last minute, and that can be aggravating)

Yes, they make their own friends but by and large I have found the same thing carries over into middle school the first year. The moms are the ones ultimately making the plans and it's based on who they know and trust to pick up their kid's and houses and families they know.

Anonymous wrote:We used to do that but I heard from parents that they often didn't get the message until the next day, and it makes it hard to then call another kid to see if they are available. Some families don't even have home phones anymore.
What's challenging for me is the way kids in my neighborhood are booked days in advance. I have enough trouble planning my own life days in advance. That's why I'm saying I've screwed this all up...I spent years thinking she could just work it out by herself without realizing all he other moms were making plans for their kids many days in advance.

Anonymous wrote:It's not lame to make playdates for a 5th grader. All the arrangements I know of are made by parents. OP, it's just that you need to make them a little further in advance. Ask your child who she'd like to play with on the half days, and then see if you can arrange to have that girl over (if you have a nanny or babysitter who will be there.) It's hard. I am a SAHM, so I can't complain. But I see that many of the working moms just somehow in the middle of their workday will send an email to arrange a playdate for their kid.

Anonymous wrote:It's not lame to make playdates for a 5th grader. All the arrangements I know of are made by parents. OP, it's just that you need to make them a little further in advance. Ask your child who she'd like to play with on the half days, and then see if you can arrange to have that girl over (if you have a nanny or babysitter who will be there.) It's hard. I am a SAHM, so I can't complain. But I see that many of the working moms just somehow in the middle of their workday will send an email to arrange a playdate for their kid.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why you dislike being the intermediary. Thats....a lot of what parents do before children can drive, and especially before they have cell phones. Maybe I don't get it, but my kids are 10 8 and 6 and they set up all of the after school play in the neighborhood on nights where we don't have sports (lots of SAHM = lots of kids available after school). When they want a playdate they get the kids moms # and I call them and set it up. We are new here but I've found other Moms to be easy to meet and befriend, that helps as you trust people to have an eye on your child when they are at their home. Yesterday my two boys were out at friends houses that lived about 2 miles away, we dropped one off and the older boy rode his bike as the neighborhoods are connected by trails. My daughter had a friend over who also lives about 2 miles away, friends mom dropped her off. All of that took me texting with the other parents.

Anonymous wrote:OP again...I do let her roam the neighborhood, but people aren't often home. Plus we live sort of at the edge of the neighborhood so she would have to roam for miles to find a good concentration of kids. I used to tell her just to call people but no one ever picks up their landlines, so that's really inefficient. She doesn't have her own cell phone so I end up texting other parents at her request to try to set things up. I really dislike being the intermediary but I also don't want to give her a cell phone yet.

I think a lot of the girls that walk home set up "play dates" more naturally, but it's harder when you're a bus rider, as the school requires a note from home in advance to deviate from usual discharge instructions.

Plus add on the usual 5th grade girl drama and it's really just all beyond me. I don't think my being insufficiently chatty is the problem. My whole life people have been telling me I'm too chatty. I think maybe I was insufficiently helicopterish back in the earlier grades, when these friendships were all being established, and I was of the view that's wasn't going to administer her social life. Now I wish I had done more back in the years when all the moms were doing that.