Anonymous
11/04/2016 18:30
Subject: Halloween party regret
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at the unanimous responses. Those kids sound like total douche bags. I can see myself telling my DS "No, honey, we don't go to douche bag parties." It doesn't sound like they extended a personal invitation to her son. They hosted an event for the entire grade and did not purposely exclude him.
OP, I don't know what I would have done. Maybe more of a discussion about it rather than a blanket "no way".
OP's son is in 8th grade not 2 years old!
I understand OP's heart. I do all of us moms ( dads) do and we want to protect our kid from hurt.
But she made a mistake in forbidding him to go this was an opportunity for her son to learn something and she didn't let that happen.
Horrible mother? No.
Mistake? Parenting fail? Yes.
But, we;ve all been there and the good news is we get to help each other and do differently next time.
Oh please. A parent's job does not end at age 3. 8th graders, and older, still learn from being told "no".
I think what's really happening here is that typical DCUM parents can't stand the idea of their child not attending the party THAT EVERY OTHER KID IS GOING TO OMG!!!! Their desire for their own kids to be a part of the "in-crowd" is clouding their judgment.
Sometimes people lose the privilege of your company. It's called having self respect. It is OK to teach your children about it. If your daughter was being degraded by a boyfriend and she broke up with him would you encourage her to get back together with him if he was popular enough? Had a big party and invited the whole class? Gross.
Well you can draw that line in the sand for yourself but don't you think that your kids are smart enough to do that for themselves?
Op's son did part ways with that group after they mistreated him, those kids did lose the privilege of his company for a while. He did go on to make new friends. When those former friends extended this invitation that was the opportunity to let bygones be bygones and move on. That's important. It is not about being part of the "in" crowd and giving into peer pressure. It's about forgiving old friends.
I'm sure there will be other opportunities for him to do that. And, if I were Op, I would let him decide what to do next time.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 18:17
Subject: Halloween party regret
I don't usually refuse my kids permission to attend social events they want to go to unless there's a major safety concern or a logistical reason they can't make it. I figure, absent a safety concerns, that's the exact sort of decision kids should be making for themselves. Sounds like OP was more invested in holding a grudge when her son was ready to move on. Count me as another poster who thinks OP was wrong.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 17:56
Subject: Halloween party regret
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at the unanimous responses. Those kids sound like total douche bags. I can see myself telling my DS "No, honey, we don't go to douche bag parties." It doesn't sound like they extended a personal invitation to her son. They hosted an event for the entire grade and did not purposely exclude him.
OP, I don't know what I would have done. Maybe more of a discussion about it rather than a blanket "no way".
OP's son is in 8th grade not 2 years old!
I understand OP's heart. I do all of us moms ( dads) do and we want to protect our kid from hurt.
But she made a mistake in forbidding him to go this was an opportunity for her son to learn something and she didn't let that happen.
Horrible mother? No.
Mistake? Parenting fail? Yes.
But, we;ve all been there and the good news is we get to help each other and do differently next time.
Oh please. A parent's job does not end at age 3. 8th graders, and older, still learn from being told "no".
I think what's really happening here is that typical DCUM parents can't stand the idea of their child not attending the party THAT EVERY OTHER KID IS GOING TO OMG!!!! Their desire for their own kids to be a part of the "in-crowd" is clouding their judgment.
Sometimes people lose the privilege of your company. It's called having self respect. It is OK to teach your children about it. If your daughter was being degraded by a boyfriend and she broke up with him would you encourage her to get back together with him if he was popular enough? Had a big party and invited the whole class? Gross.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 17:17
Subject: Halloween party regret
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at the unanimous responses. Those kids sound like total douche bags. I can see myself telling my DS "No, honey, we don't go to douche bag parties." It doesn't sound like they extended a personal invitation to her son. They hosted an event for the entire grade and did not purposely exclude him.
OP, I don't know what I would have done. Maybe more of a discussion about it rather than a blanket "no way".
OP's son is in 8th grade not 2 years old!
I understand OP's heart. I do all of us moms ( dads) do and we want to protect our kid from hurt.
But she made a mistake in forbidding him to go this was an opportunity for her son to learn something and she didn't let that happen.
Horrible mother? No.
Mistake? Parenting fail? Yes.
But, we;ve all been there and the good news is we get to help each other and do differently next time.
Anonymous
11/04/2016 14:47
Subject: Halloween party regret
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at the unanimous responses. Those kids sound like total douche bags. I can see myself telling my DS "No, honey, we don't go to douche bag parties." It doesn't sound like they extended a personal invitation to her son. They hosted an event for the entire grade and did not purposely exclude him.
OP, I don't know what I would have done. Maybe more of a discussion about it rather than a blanket "no way".
+1
I'd hardly call this a "huge parenting fail." Discuss with your son why you thought it was better not to go (I can see reasons) and be open about his reaction and opinion. Take this into account for the next time, and in the future, make these decisions more collaboratively. Not a big deal.
Bottom line is, her son is the one who is regretting not going to this party. His current group of friends did go - without him because Op stepped in and wouldn't let him go. Since he's the one living with this situation at school, he is the one who should have decided whether or not to attend the party.
Op could have let him go to the party and told him to call her if he decided that he wanted to leave early. No biggie.