Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 11:58     Subject: What the hell..
Anonymous wrote:I think you should focus on your financial situation. It's hard not to compare if you don't feel like a success yourself. Considering they've known each other only 5 years, he probably is/was interested. He doesn't sound like a good fit for you.


Only 5yrs? that seems like a pretty long time to me. Seems like he has been into her for a while but can't get her to respond or he has never had the nerve to turn the relationship into something more. This actually is in OP's favor. After 5yrs he hasn't been able to move this relationship with her further and now she is his girlfriend. Maybe he has resigned himself to just a friendship with her
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 11:55     Subject: What the hell..
Anonymous wrote:Halle Berry actually is IN her fifties if you can believe that.
Also black people usually age pretty good as in "Black Don't Crack."

So he was probably using the correct description all along.


That was my term not his. He never described her to me, and I was stupid and didn't ask. He would reference her age and I think the point of that was for me to draw a certain picture in my head. He was depending on my having a picture of someone like Madea in my head.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 11:52     Subject: Re:What the hell..
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm very familiar with this dynamic.
He likes the chase and she likes the attention
Id guess they flirt over text too. You will always feel like the third wheel.
I wouldn't end it over this but you should keep your options open and find a new man.
These types of men often blur boundaries and cheat. Every one of them that I knew did.



This poster makes a very good point. You are probably looking at a sign that he will cheat later


My DH is like this. He hasn't cheated but he came close once. And pining after any woman that gives him attention is ANNOYING. Because if it wasn't one woman it was the next one...
After 25 years of marriage j feel like he finally got it when I aggressively connected the dots for him. No, it's not me being jealous it's you having pretty inappropriateish relationships with any gal (and they do seem to line right on up) that gives him attention.
This relationship is at least out in the open. If you express discontent and they gave more of a private relationship then it's even more trouble.

This one chicky that strung my husband along with flirting and lunches (despite being married to someone else) was rude and nasty to me every time I saw her so I said no thanks I don't want her in my house/my life anymore - so he was having private lunches with her during work hours. That was bad, although not as bad as my having to interact with her I guess (Ick).

There's something about these guys and them choosing not to put you first. With my DH my guess would be repressed mommy anger (she was an alcoholic that had little time for him apparently).

You're not the age where you're going to be having kids - it's just you and him. If you don't like being chopped liver don't do it anymore. That's what dating is for - to find out if you like being with this person.

My DH has all around turned into a pretty great husband after all (we have kids and he's a great dad and he's become a lot more attentive over the years. I don't think he realized what a moron he was being for some of our years together and he was quite open to suggestion as he apparently enjoys our life together) I can say that. I've always loved him & spending time with him for 30 years now so it kind of takes a strong attraction to work through the crap that comes with a relationship.


That is the part that is really perplexing. On meeting her, she was fabulous to me. We went to eat and he started to sit by her and she directed me to take her seat and she sat at other end of table. Offered to help me for the time I am here with anything, like shopping or any questions I might have about the area. She was wonderful to me, she showed me no hostility at all and it was disconcerting cause I kept seeing him glancing at her through the whole lunch even though she was on other end of table. Toward end when everyone was just chatting he got up and went down by her seat and squatted down and was chatting privately with her. That moment let me know that at minimum this is an emotional affair at least on his end.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 07:48     Subject: What the hell..
Anonymous wrote:It may be innocent but what matters here is your reaction. You're jealous and will always be suspicious; you will kill this relationship, not him or her.


how can this possibly be innocent? just because there is no sex (presumably) doesn't mean it's innocent. this guy is way too close to a woman other than his presumed girlfriend.

OP, look for another man and break this up when you find one.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 06:20     Subject: Re:What the hell..
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm very familiar with this dynamic.
He likes the chase and she likes the attention
Id guess they flirt over text too. You will always feel like the third wheel.
I wouldn't end it over this but you should keep your options open and find a new man.
These types of men often blur boundaries and cheat. Every one of them that I knew did.



This poster makes a very good point. You are probably looking at a sign that he will cheat later


My DH is like this. He hasn't cheated but he came close once. And pining after any woman that gives him attention is ANNOYING. Because if it wasn't one woman it was the next one...
After 25 years of marriage j feel like he finally got it when I aggressively connected the dots for him. No, it's not me being jealous it's you having pretty inappropriateish relationships with any gal (and they do seem to line right on up) that gives him attention.
This relationship is at least out in the open. If you express discontent and they gave more of a private relationship then it's even more trouble.

This one chicky that strung my husband along with flirting and lunches (despite being married to someone else) was rude and nasty to me every time I saw her so I said no thanks I don't want her in my house/my life anymore - so he was having private lunches with her during work hours. That was bad, although not as bad as my having to interact with her I guess (Ick).

There's something about these guys and them choosing not to put you first. With my DH my guess would be repressed mommy anger (she was an alcoholic that had little time for him apparently).

You're not the age where you're going to be having kids - it's just you and him. If you don't like being chopped liver don't do it anymore. That's what dating is for - to find out if you like being with this person.

My DH has all around turned into a pretty great husband after all (we have kids and he's a great dad and he's become a lot more attentive over the years. I don't think he realized what a moron he was being for some of our years together and he was quite open to suggestion as he apparently enjoys our life together) I can say that. I've always loved him & spending time with him for 30 years now so it kind of takes a strong attraction to work through the crap that comes with a relationship.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 04:49     Subject: What the hell..
Halle Berry actually is IN her fifties if you can believe that.
Also black people usually age pretty good as in "Black Don't Crack."

So he was probably using the correct description all along.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 04:45     Subject: What the hell..
I think you should focus on your financial situation. It's hard not to compare if you don't feel like a success yourself. Considering they've known each other only 5 years, he probably is/was interested. He doesn't sound like a good fit for you.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 04:21     Subject: What the hell..
My hot brother has several beautiful friends who are girls. He doesn't need to get married--he has plenty of female nonsexual companionship and he can date to get the rest. That would be my concern for you, OP. How long do you want to wait?
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 04:05     Subject: What the hell..
This would not fly with me, no way Jose.

A quality man wouldn't end up in this kind of situation, just wouldn't happen. He's not a quality man. Get out of there.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 03:54     Subject: Re:What the hell..
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How long has he known her? Is she in a relationship? I get why this is upsetting. Why aren't you working? Do you not have to work? What are you hoping to come of this relationship?

Heather has known her 5 almost 6 yrs. I don't hinkle she is in serious relationship, but does have male,straight, friend she travels with at times.


He has known her
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2016 03:53     Subject: Re:What the hell..
Anonymous wrote:How long has he known her? Is she in a relationship? I get why this is upsetting. Why aren't you working? Do you not have to work? What are you hoping to come of this relationship?

Heather has known her 5 almost 6 yrs. I don't hinkle she is in serious relationship, but does have male,straight, friend she travels with at times.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2016 21:37     Subject: What the hell..
Anonymous wrote:
Ever watch the show Blackish? The main character's lifelong best buddy is played by Tyra Banks. His wife's reaction! The craziness of the situation?

It's worth the watch.



That is a good ep but OP sounds like she is jealous and threatened because of romantic reasons and Rainbow was threatened because she felt Dre felt Tyra was cooler than she was, not because she thought he didn't love her or her marriage was under threat
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2016 20:44     Subject: What the hell..
Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. If it makes you uncomfortable, call it off. You have kids. Don't do this to them.


+ a million. Trust your gut.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2016 17:32     Subject: What the hell..

Ever watch the show Blackish? The main character's lifelong best buddy is played by Tyra Banks. His wife's reaction! The craziness of the situation?

It's worth the watch.

Anonymous
Post 10/29/2016 17:21     Subject: Re:What the hell..
How long has he known her? Is she in a relationship? I get why this is upsetting. Why aren't you working? Do you not have to work? What are you hoping to come of this relationship?