Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

I'm the poster above.... in my case the one special gift was her arranging for a birthday cake while I was one a business trip. She was surprised by the cake which I shared with the people I was traveling with. It was a surprise and a nice thought.

You, sir, are a complete and utter douchebag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW is soon to turn 65. I'm working on the budget right now for a dinner party for at least 30 people. My guess is that it will be about $4500 given the venues she's interested in. I hope I can use my credit card so I get miles! Yes, it's a lot of money but she's worth it.

Why is turning 65 worth throwing a pricey $4500 party for? Do you do this every 5 years? Are you newly married? Or just rich? Does she demand it? Sincerely curious.

PP here - Fair question! We've been married almost 40 years and this is the first big B-Day or anniversary party we've ever had though she did give me a surprise 30th 36 years ago! She deserves it after putting up with me for 40 years! She hinted at it but didn't demand it. I can afford it and once I reached 65 I'm not as crazed about saving money as I was many years ago. And, I'm inviting her 87 year old mother so I get extra credit!

My husband was cool with me going to Vegas for a long weekend for my 50th. I spent about $2500.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This post is exactly why I have always feared leaving the work force as a woman.

Sounds like you guys are a great team. My wife is a SAHM mom. The money, in your words that "I earn", is our money. I would never question what she spends it on. She has splurged on large purchases before, I trust her decision making and could never image saying that she is spending my money.

Wow, this is pretty interesting. Two extremes.

Anonymous wrote:My DW is soon to turn 65. I'm working on the budget right now for a dinner party for at least 30 people. My guess is that it will be about $4500 given the venues she's interested in. I hope I can use my credit card so I get miles! Yes, it's a lot of money but she's worth it.

Why is turning 65 worth throwing a pricey $4500 party for? Do you do this every 5 years? Are you newly married? Or just rich? Does she demand it? Sincerely curious.

We spent 1.2k at the restaurant for about 25-30 people, lunch with only a few ordering alcohol, 800 for rentals and decoration for a milestone birthday.

My DW is soon to turn 65. I'm working on the budget right now for a dinner party for at least 30 people. My guess is that it will be about $4500 given the venues she's interested in. I hope I can use my credit card so I get miles! Yes, it's a lot of money but she's worth it.

My husband's 50th is coming up and we're doing a family trip to Disneyland, his suggestion. We haven't all travelled together in a few years so we're excited about his idea! We have adult children, their spouses and 1 grandchild (yes, we started young) It will likely cost over $8000. Dh's best friend turned 50 last month and they did a guy's trip to see football and baseball games. It was almost $2000 each.

Hoping to take the family to Europe to celebrate DH's 50th and my 45th. Will probably cost $10-15k.

A trip to CA for a warriors game is totally do-able, OP. Think of it as a trip instead of a birthday gift.

we are renting and RV and taking a trip out west wit our kid. probably 5k. For my fifty we are going on safari in Africa, probably closer 10-12k.

Is this something you could ask your husband? We don't spend extravagant money on gifts, and neither of us would ever spend more than $500 without consulting with the other one! We live ok but mindfully....maybe you are really flush and it doesn't matter?

Instead of a party for my 40th DH and I went to Mexico by ourselves. We stayed at a really nice hotel. I think the trip was about 7K. 4 nights. 5 days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This post is exactly why I have always feared leaving the work force as a woman.

Sounds like you guys are a great team. My wife is a SAHM mom. The money, in your words that "I earn", is our money. I would never question what she spends it on. She has splurged on large purchases before, I trust her decision making and could never image saying that she is spending my money.

OP Here: Thanks to those who answered the actual question. I work FT and actually now make a little bit more than my husband, so the whole debate with the random guy who responded about his SAH wife is not really germane for me personally.

I know that no one can gauge my budget, so that wasn't what I was asking (as I noted at the outset.) We literally NEVER spend serious money, although I manage to spend a lot in Target or grocery runs. We both have respectable DC salaries (not Big Law, think two veteran fed level salaries.) But between two kids and the fact that my husband grew up as a poor immigrant who believes he has to be prepared for the apocalypse with cash under the mattress, we live way below our means.

My theory has been that between $1k & $2k all in (since I think this will entail travel) is probably justifiable -- since as PPs said, that's what a 50th bash would cost. But it's still mind boggling for me, and so before I pulled the trigger I wanted to get a sense of what others have spent.

BTW the team is Golden State Warriors - actually he just wants to see Steph Curry play, He wanted courtside seats but my plan is for the third row, plus a night on his own (which he will value almost as much as the game.) I may bring the kids the next day and all spend a night at my family's beach house. Although it won't be beach weather, it's a special place for our whole family so I think it might be nice to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion It really depends on where the money is coming from. My wife doesn't work so if she ever did purchase a gift for me it would be from money that I myself earned and therefore I don't really see the item itself as a gift. Rather, on the few time in our marriage that she has actually purchased a gift for me, the more important aspect of the "gift" was the though or rather lack of thought she put into the "gift." The reason for this is that the because the money is from my earnings the only part of herself she put into the gift was her consideration for what I might need or want. In our case only once did she put any effort into the gift. It was the effort that made the gift special. Not the cost. And frankly the more expensive the gift when spending someone else's earning shows a profound lack of consideration for that other person.

This is asshattery. Your wife works to enable you to work the way you do. In the absence of her work, you would need to hire people to do what she does, and divert your focus from your work in order to put it on your kids and household.

You both earn your salary.

If I knew your wife, I would tell her to go back to work, so that she is not dependent on you. And so that you get a clue.

+1 That is really the perfect phrase to describe this.

Why? I've got a friend and she feels the same. She went back to work a couple years ago and she tells me all the time that she hates when her husband buys her stuff because the money is earmarked for household stuff or she wanted to put the money into savings or something like that. She would prefer that he do something thoughtful rather than spending money. I think there feelings go both ways.

But does she care about where the money he spends comes from (his income vs hers)? Or just how it's spent.

The a-hole DH above thinks his earnings are his, not the household. Hope his wife bakes him up a chocolate poop pie (a la The Help) for his birthday to go with his shitty attitude.