Anonymous
Post 10/16/2016 19:54     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
OP here. I've been reading the conflicting advice on this thread and really wondering myself what to do. I told him yesterday that I was going to stop helping him with his applications, but today I see him playing on his phone and watching TV, but doing nothing about his applications and wonder if I will regret my decision if, six months from now, he has no affordable college acceptances and has to go to CC. He's been told by several of the colleges that his best chance for merit aid is to apply by Nov. 1. He does his homework on his own, so this is a strange behavior for him. We do not pressure to get into a TT school at all. Just pressure to get the @#$% applications in by Nov. 1 so he has a shot at merit aid!!! I just asked him what he was doing, and he told me he was working on his homework. Really, should I just let him fail? I honestly don't know what to do....
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2016 15:38     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
Hi Sounds like he may be reluctant about the changes that come with going to college; perhaps he's not really socially or maturity wise despite being smart. I have a younger daughter that should have skipped a grade a few years back (and each year it was brought up that she could), but socially she was never ready and her teachers, dad and I agreed, so for now she'll stay where she is. Have you discussed with him if he wants to go to college? You may want to let him get a part-time job first and take a few community college courses. My son went into the military (even though he was being recruited for West Point). He did his six years and decided that unlike his father a career solider, he wants to be an actor; so he's just gotten out, gotten a basic job, going back to school and pursuing his acting. He takes care of himself, so the important thing is to let him know you're there to support him, but that he has to do something even a small thing to move in the direction of independence. It's a big and scary step for some, so if you can afford to, give him a little time (a year or two) to mature.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2016 12:03     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If this is how he is with the applications, you'll be wasting your money sending him.

Let him do what he's going to do. Far better than wasting four years drinking beer and sleeping through classes would be for him to be forced to support himself on whatever job he can out of high school, and then when reality sets in, let him decide for himself that he's ready for college.

Trust me, I've seen it both ways. So many parents insist on leading their horses to water, but they don't drink.


Nailed it. But if mommy doesn't send him to college, mommy can't brag about it on facebook. They eventual drop out won't make the facebook timeline.
This and your other silly comments in what has otherwise been a mature conversation.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2016 11:45     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
Anonymous wrote:If this is how he is with the applications, you'll be wasting your money sending him.

Let him do what he's going to do. Far better than wasting four years drinking beer and sleeping through classes would be for him to be forced to support himself on whatever job he can out of high school, and then when reality sets in, let him decide for himself that he's ready for college.

Trust me, I've seen it both ways. So many parents insist on leading their horses to water, but they don't drink.


Nailed it. But if mommy doesn't send him to college, mommy can't brag about it on facebook. They eventual drop out won't make the facebook timeline.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2016 09:47     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
Anonymous wrote:also - at most: 2 safety schools, 2 probable schools kid likes and 2 reach schools kid LOVES

That is all - no one needs to apply to any more than that.


It really depends on the person. Elder DC applied to 4 schools an done was because I wanted him to have an option in case he woke up and said 'I don't wan to be an engineer anymore". That was enough for him.

Younger DC is applying to 8 schools because he can't decide what size school he likes best, so he is applying all over the map on size. He has picked 8 schools. He has one safety safety school for many scenarios. Three are crap shoot schools- he has the grades and ECs- it all revolves around that je ne sais quoi. He does not have a traditional hook, but he has a unique aspect that may be helpful.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2016 08:46     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
Anonymous wrote:also - at most: 2 safety schools, 2 probable schools kid likes and 2 reach schools kid LOVES

That is all - no one needs to apply to any more than that.
No. YOUR family doesn't need to apply to any more than that. Every family makes their own decisions.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2016 06:53     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, don't drop the rope! This is a very scary time for some teenagers, therefore the resistance. They need all of your love, support and assistance, maybe now more than ever. Keep doing what you are doing op, and at the very least get 1 to 2 applications in on November 1. Then the ball will be in motion and your DC will hopefully be more able to get the balance of the applications in for regular decision. My DC got it all together by the regular decision deadline, and not a moment sooner.


Dropping the rope does not mean stopping love, support and assistance. It means stopping the current dynamic between the parent and child that is not serving anyone well. It means giving the child the lead and supporting that.
Anonymous
Post 10/16/2016 00:38     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
Anonymous wrote:I think it's wayyyy too much pressure to basically force him into a 'merit aid' situation. Is that the same thing as a scholarship? Or some kind of financial aid hybrid? Whatever it is putting that burden on him is very unrealistic.


You don't walk in OP's shoes. The exorbitant cost of college is hurting many families.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2016 23:10     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
Anonymous wrote:I think it's wayyyy too much pressure to basically force him into a 'merit aid' situation. Is that the same thing as a scholarship? Or some kind of financial aid hybrid? Whatever it is putting that burden on him is very unrealistic.


Not unrealistic at all. Good stats will get him great merit if he applies to right colleges by the deadline.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2016 23:07     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
Print a list of colleges with rolling admission that you can afford and present it to him. Chances are he will not be impressed with those.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2016 23:06     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
I think it's wayyyy too much pressure to basically force him into a 'merit aid' situation. Is that the same thing as a scholarship? Or some kind of financial aid hybrid? Whatever it is putting that burden on him is very unrealistic.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2016 22:55     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Jusrnwant t echo this. We've already had two suicides in our senior class and school has barely started. It's hard to parent kids this age. Good luck and as ,p,p says, cC is a gooodmoption for kids who aren't ready.


where is this?


Blake HS in Silver Spring. No connection to that school, so I have no idea of details, ages, etc. So scary and sad.


Both seniors and both within 2.5 weeks of each other. Kids at Blake are having a difficult time processing these tradgies.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2016 22:26     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
also - at most: 2 safety schools, 2 probable schools kid likes and 2 reach schools kid LOVES

That is all - no one needs to apply to any more than that.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2016 22:25     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
I think these kids have a lot of conflicting feelings about college - that they do not know how to process. I would keep at it because he will work out the feelings by summer probably. It is so hard on you though OP. Sorry.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2016 21:44     Subject: Two weeks to go and DS is shooting himself in the foot!!
PaleoConPrep wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, don't drop the rope! This is a very scary time for some teenagers, therefore the resistance. They need all of your love, support and assistance, maybe now more than ever. Keep doing what you are doing op, and at the very least get 1 to 2 applications in on November 1. Then the ball will be in motion and your DC will hopefully be more able to get the balance of the applications in for regular decision. My DC got it all together by the regular decision deadline, and not a moment sooner.


Jusrnwant t echo this. We've already had two suicides in our senior class and school has barely started. It's hard to parent kids this age. Good luck and as ,p,p says, cC is a gooodmoption for kids who aren't ready.

TWO SUICIDES? My goodness, this kinda thing just blows my mind. Im currently a high school senior, and there's certainly some stress involved in college applications. All you've got to do is look at my most recent threads. College applications take up a good amount of time, and there's always a fear that you might not get in anywhere. I'm certainly no fan of the way modern American higher education works. All that being said, I could never even imagine why a 17/18 year old who's got their whole life ahead of them would commit suicide due to this whole process. I'm not in the best situation because I was somewhat lazy for most of high school, but I can't wait for what the future will bring. I'm a realist about my situation, but you've got to look at the bright side of things to be happy as a high school senior. If you fear you might not get in anywhere, find some safety schools.( I've got 3 of them) Seeing some of the comments on this forum though, I'd imagine that some parents put an unreasonable amount of pressure on their kids. It seems like some people on here think that if you don't get into an Ivy, a NESCAC, or some top public university, you're a failure. I'm glad I don't live in that sort of sink or swim environment. It's not the end of the world if you don't get into Harvard, UVA, or Williams. I wouldn't go to an Ivy if they paid me to attend.


Because they are suffering from mental illness.