Anonymous wrote:PP back. I just have to say that I am so enraged on your behalf that this woman is pressuring you. Who does that?!?!? Some people are so unbelievably selfish.

Seriously. OP, your DH needs to freaking understand that he doesn't have a say here.

Simply let them know that security won't allow them in the room.

PP back. I just have to say that I am so enraged on your behalf that this woman is pressuring you. Who does that?!?!? Some people are so unbelievably selfish.

Does your hospital have a policy? We could only have the mom's partner and one other support person - whether that was a doula, mid-wife, friend, mil, mom, whatever- that was the limit, end of story.

Can you figure out a different way to have her involved? My MIL waited at our house with some balloons, gifts, and food. Not the same as seeing the birth, but she felt involved in other ways and got to see DS pretty quickly after thr birth and felt like she was special vs being relegated to visit when we were ready for visitors.

OP you need to shut this down right away. Tell your DH that this is a medical event for you and that you have made your decision and YOU DO NOT WANT TO DISCUSS IT ANY MORE. If he brings it up again, just repeat, "it upsets me that you are pressuring me. I do not want to discuss this any more."

Anonymous wrote:Tell your husband that if he wants his mom there then your mom gets to go to his next prostate exam.

It's unreal to me that he is pushing you on this. You are the patient. You decide. Your comfort is the only thing that matters here.

And a fucking welcoming committee? For a baby that will never remember even a speck of the day? He's letting her emotionally blackmail both of you.

This. Do not cave on this. Your DH needs to learn NOW to stand up to his mom. So when the baby is here and she wants to take him for a drive without a car seat, but it's just a litte drive, just down the street, that's ok, right? Seriously if he can't explain to her that she does not get to be there for your very private and painful medical event, he needs to get it together.

You will likely be totally naked, knees up to your ears and pooping on a table. There is no 'sitting on a corner and not watching' during child birth. You do not need the stress of having her there or even in the next room. If you are looking for a compromise, have your mom wait to meet the baby too. There's no way in hell that I wanted my mom to witness my deliveries.

Tell your husband that if he wants his mom there then your mom gets to go to his next prostate exam.

It's unreal to me that he is pushing you on this. You are the patient. You decide. Your comfort is the only thing that matters here.

And a fucking welcoming committee? For a baby that will never remember even a speck of the day? He's letting her emotionally blackmail both of you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- thank you everyone so much for the feedback. MIL says (to DH) that she isn't there to watch and she just wants to be part of welcoming her grandchild to the world, same as my mom. I am definitely leaning toward not having her there after reading everyone's comments. The only problem now is MIL Kees complaint to DH and he in turn feels guilty and is pressuring me to just let her be in there. They are both promising me she will be quiet and stay off to the side where she can't see anything.

Then DH needs to remind his mother that YOUR mother is not there primarily to "welcome the grandchild." She is there to support HER baby--YOU--in the process of birth, which is bringing HER baby--YOU--pain, physical work, and in some cases, pure agony. This is a sacred mother to daughter bonding experience that is purely the birthing mother's choice. The fact that MIL is even attempting to put pressure on you in this situation is appalling.

Well said, PP. OP - Say this and then refuse to discuss more. Conversation is over.

Anonymous wrote:Op here- thank you everyone so much for the feedback. MIL says (to DH) that she isn't there to watch and she just wants to be part of welcoming her grandchild to the world, same as my mom. I am definitely leaning toward not having her there after reading everyone's comments. The only problem now is MIL Kees complaint to DH and he in turn feels guilty and is pressuring me to just let her be in there. They are both promising me she will be quiet and stay off to the side where she can't see anything.

Then DH needs to remind his mother that YOUR mother is not there primarily to "welcome the grandchild." She is there to support HER baby--YOU--in the process of birth, which is bringing HER baby--YOU--pain, physical work, and in some cases, pure agony. This is a sacred mother to daughter bonding experience that is purely the birthing mother's choice. The fact that MIL is even attempting to put pressure on you in this situation is appalling.

Anonymous wrote:Op here- thank you everyone so much for the feedback. MIL says (to DH) that she isn't there to watch and she just wants to be part of welcoming her grandchild to the world, same as my mom. I am definitely leaning toward not having her there after reading everyone's comments. The only problem now is MIL Kees complaint to DH and he in turn feels guilty and is pressuring me to just let her be in there. They are both promising me she will be quiet and stay off to the side where she can't see anything.

Do. Not. Allow. It.

Just don't. Do you really think she's going to be quiet and stay off to the side? How would that even work since the room isn't that big to begin with?

If you do, then get used to caving in to her every whim with your child forever. If she sees that guilting DH works, she will pour it on everytime she wants something a certain way with your child.

Op here- thank you everyone so much for the feedback. MIL says (to DH) that she isn't there to watch and she just wants to be part of welcoming her grandchild to the world, same as my mom. I am definitely leaning toward not having her there after reading everyone's comments. The only problem now is MIL Kees complaint to DH and he in turn feels guilty and is pressuring me to just let her be in there. They are both promising me she will be quiet and stay off to the side where she can't see anything.

I would be embarrasses if my DIL was giving birth and I guilted her into inviting me into the delivery room.

Anonymous wrote:Your vagina, your decision. It's that simple.

Exactly = if your DH wants to push a watermelon out of his penis, then he can decide who to invite to watch.

Seriously, though, I can not understand inviting anyone but DH to "watch."

No fucking way! You get to decide who is with you and who isn't. The fact that your MIL's feelings are 'hurt' tells me that it's ALL about her and not you. Like a PP, I'm not one to think that everything revolves around a pregnant woman - except in the delivery room. It's ALL about what YOU want and everyone else needs to respect and shut up about it.