Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 20:14     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
"Oh ok". I wouldn't say thank you or I appreciate it unless the apology really brought you some solace.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 19:09     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
Two words: soul mate.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 17:25     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He's making amends, that's good. You can say "Thanks, I appreciate the apology." And leave at that. No need for further pleasantries.


+1



+2 Keep it short and sweet and let him decide how to proceed.


+3
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 17:23     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
Anonymous wrote:I dated a girl a long time ago that did something messed up and she recently reached out to me via Facebook to make amends. She used it as a convo opener to tell me about how she was divorced twice at age 27 and now a single mom and was wondering if I wanted to go out with her. Train wreck.

People do things like this for all different kinds of reasons.


That's why you don't friend them, and after you reply, block them.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 17:21     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Another vote for him doing a 12-step recovery program of some sort. The making amends part is supposed to be carefully considered, and actually reaching out and apologizing to people you've hurt should only be done if it's not going to hurt them to open up old wounds. Very tricky.

You don't need to respond to him. It's not supposed to be about getting a response from you. It's about him acknowledging he treated you badly, and it was him, not you.


Does a Facebook message really count when making amends? It seems like a cop out.


Yeah, but anything more than that would be too much...and creepy. He was fine to leave it at Facebook.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 17:20     Subject: Re:Apology 12 years after the incident
Booty call!
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 17:18     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
Anonymous wrote:Another vote for him doing a 12-step recovery program of some sort. The making amends part is supposed to be carefully considered, and actually reaching out and apologizing to people you've hurt should only be done if it's not going to hurt them to open up old wounds. Very tricky.

You don't need to respond to him. It's not supposed to be about getting a response from you. It's about him acknowledging he treated you badly, and it was him, not you.


Does a Facebook message really count when making amends? It seems like a cop out.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 17:16     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
Unless it was sexual assault, be gracious.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 17:14     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
You can never tell what the true motive is for anyone to contact to you. I would personally take it at face value (an apology) and leave it at that. Do what feels right to you.

Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 17:13     Subject: Re:Apology 12 years after the incident

Why wouldn't he leave her alone? You sound totally paranoid. Sounds like he regrets it or is making amends – whichever – and the gracious thing to do is accept and move on.

Why does it sound paranoid? This is someone who is not really a friend and someone the op does not need in her life. So what he needs forgiveness? Too bad and too late.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 17:07     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
Anonymous wrote:I dated a girl a long time ago that did something messed up and she recently reached out to me via Facebook to make amends. She used it as a convo opener to tell me about how she was divorced twice at age 27 and now a single mom and was wondering if I wanted to go out with her. Train wreck.

People do things like this for all different kinds of reasons.

[/quote
+1 exactly my thoughts. He wants a second go round.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 16:46     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
I dated a girl a long time ago that did something messed up and she recently reached out to me via Facebook to make amends. She used it as a convo opener to tell me about how she was divorced twice at age 27 and now a single mom and was wondering if I wanted to go out with her. Train wreck.

People do things like this for all different kinds of reasons.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 16:13     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"So kind of you to send this message. It has long been water under the bridge but I really appreciate it. Hope all is well."


This. I would also hide my feed from him and block his. Don't know why you'd want to be friends with him.


This. He may be in recovery or just trying to move forward and change his life. Acknowledge the message, but don't friend him.
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 15:55     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
Anonymous wrote:"So kind of you to send this message. It has long been water under the bridge but I really appreciate it. Hope all is well."


+1
Anonymous
Post 10/03/2016 15:47     Subject: Apology 12 years after the incident
Anonymous wrote:I might say, "You know, Bob, it bothered me at the time, but it is long since water under the bridge. I appreciate you reflecting on it, but no worries. Best to you."


Ugh, I really dislike this phrase. It's makes it seem as if the original offence wasn't a big deal and didn't warrant the apology.

How about just saying honestly: You know, Bob, it bothered me at the time, but I haven't thought about it in many years. I appreciate you reflecting on it and reaching out to apologize. Best, Jane"