Yes, but the mom had documented drug problems and was neglecting the daughter's care. Dad still had to fight for full custody.

Yea my boss.

Which jurisdiction are you in, OP?

Yes, my father was, about 20 years ago. He had a stable job and more money. My mother had mental health issues (PTSD and depression) and was in a bad way, under his pressure she forfeited custody. She ended up with supervised visitation only.

I have primary physical custody. By agreement. Wife left for her affair partner and he rejected her. She's not interested really in the kids. She is f ing crazy in my view. She doesn't take the time she has. I guess I should count my blessings it wasn't a fight.

Anonymous wrote:Divorce attorney here in VA. It's still fairly rare for the Dad to get primary physical, but yes it definitely happens and is happening more as the bench gets younger so the judges don't have the same biases as the older judges did.

This is the breakdown:

Mom as legit primary caregiver (not just a lot of complaining about being default parent): she's going to get primary physical and dad gets every other weekend.

Mom/Dad both involved, even if mom's doing more: 50/50 or 60/40 split.

Dad more involved and something wrong with mom: dad gets primary

Another VA divorce attorney here. Agree with this breakdown.

Anonymous wrote:STBX and I are battling over the kids. He is going for full custody and he seems to truly believe he will get it. I am looking for examples where the father was granted primary custody. I don't believe there's a snowball's chance in Hell that he will get what he wants, but it still scares me to think there's a remote possibility this could happen.

Yes. Close friendships, twice and have come across others as well. In both cases where I was close friends there was an issue with the mother and in one case the mother didn't really want custody.

Yes. My friend lost custody to her ex. He could afford a good lawyer and she could not. She gets holidays, summers, and every other weekend. The judge basically decided he had more money and more extended family and that meant he could provide a better lifestyle.

As a divorce attorney, I have seen fathers get primary custody only in three circumstances:

(1) Mom doesn't want custody (used to be unheard of early in my practice, but now, in my 23rd year of practice, roughly once a year, I come across a mom who doesn't want custody).

(2) Father is a stay at home dad or works very little and has been the kids' primary caretaker for a long time.

(3) Mom has severe and documented mental or substance abuse problems. If the problems aren't documented, the man will need a slew of witnesses with nothing to gain (so, for instance, kids' teacher but not dad's meddling mom who is eager to edge out biological mom).

I have never seen a man get primary custody against an involved, normal mother who is fighting for custody. The most he can hope for is 50/50.

Yep. My cousin. His ex was a drug addict. Well, is. She is serving jail time now. He is a great dad.

Yes, my husband has full custody of his kids (my step kids).

Three. All military officers.

One had custody of his two boys. Not sure of the backstory but his wife (their step mom) basically raised them since early elementary. He was not married to their mom.

One I have no idea of the backstory, but dad had primary custody of his elementary daughter and middle school son. Mom got them very occasionally.

The other case the dad had the kids since they were babies. Birth mom had very minimal involvement in their lives until they were teenagers. Dad was in a field where he deployed. Grandparents helped. He eventually married a lovely woman who raised those kids as her own. They are now really great and stable young adults. I have no idea why mom lost custody but it must have been bad for a judge to give the toddler/baby to a dad who deployed regularly and moved every 1-3 years.

Yes, I know one in VA. I don't know the details. (We were neighbors). The ex-wife had what you'd usually consider the fathers visitation - every other weekend and they'd alternate major holidays.

Anonymous wrote:Yes- I think you should prepare for at least 50/50. It isn't really every other weekend for dads only any longer.

Unless that is what the dad wants, which sadly is often the case.

Yes, my brother. But I don't think my x-sil contested that really.