Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not voice. Yes, could be at a stoplight. Is that ok? That's a serious question. I have a zero tolerance policy with texting in the car, partly because I have teens who drive and this is what I insist on with them. Too rigid ? Are you comfortable with texting at red lights with kids in the car?

I'll send short texts at the red light "on our way, lots of traffic" to give a heads up. Car isn't moving, I don't see the danger.

Me too. Is that bad? Serious question. Never while the car is moving and always voice text. I don't read while the car is moving.

+1

I do this too and I can't see why it's dangerous at all. I completely put the phone down before driving and I keep an eye on the lights so I know before it will change.

You are both delusional. Do you know who causes most accidents? People texting at red lights. You see some cars moving, you think it is your lane, but it's not, it might be a turning lane, or car next to you moved a bit and you start going, and crash. Also you cause enormous traffic delays, as you miss green lights and cause traffic jams. Why should I wait while green light is on and you ignore it for three turns? Dangerous and selfish at the same time.

When I am driving kids and want to send /read / answer a text, I hand my phone to the oldest kid in the car and they read the text out loud / send the text for me.

No one can know that a car pool is going to last. No reasonable person. Op, you are being played. This Mom's inconvenience/problem is not something you need to consider.

Wow. You put her in a bind, but she risked your child's life. I'd gently tell her why. Perhaps she'll even listen and stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop overthinking this. Just find a different arrangement and then say to her "We've decided not to do carpool anymore beginning next Monday. We've found a different arrangement that works better for our family. See you at school fundraiser (or whenever)!"

OP here: So I told her something like the above, that we're out b/c it doesn't work so well for us. But I offered to continue driving her kid for a couple weeks, so she has time to figure something out. I get an email back asking if I'll just drive her kid all year because I'm putting her in a bind.

No question, just an update. I know what to do.

And what are you going to do? I think you should tell her about the texting (not that you asked...).

Anonymous wrote:
OP here: So I told her something like the above, that we're out b/c it doesn't work so well for us. But I offered to continue driving her kid for a couple weeks, so she has time to figure something out. I get an email back asking if I'll just drive her kid all year because I'm putting her in a bind.

How nice of her to remove any impulse you might have had to feel bad (at least, I might have had that impulse -- until I got that message.

First of all, it's unsafe. If she wants to drive with her own children and text, that's her prerogative , but I would never knowingly have my child in her car - screw the carpool.

We role played with our child on what to do if he's in car with someone who's texting, and when our summer sitter texted while driving, he spoke up. She never did it again, as he asked her nicely to pls put her phone down. You don't text and drive, you just don't, especially when there's children in the car and other ppl's children. She's irresponsible. I'd rather drive my own child than have him a carpool with a texting parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know it's not voice because DS told me he sees her typing and picking up texts when the phone pings. The ones she has sent to me are not necessary, like "running late." An example was along the lines of "Your DS told me he has a great guitar teacher. I need one for DD can you recommend"
The problem I have with texting at a light is that there's too much tendency to finish up the text just as you're accelerating, or puck the phone back up to finish as you're rolling to the next stop, etc. it's distracted driving.
But we can disagree about whether this is safe and appropriate. Assume it's something you feel is unsafe. How do you diplomatically handle the situation with the other driver?

OP, I'm with you. This is unacceptable.

People think this "just for a minute" texting while the light is red is okay. It's not. Yeah, she may not get into an accident, however, why take the chance. Focus on the road and what's around you. Not your phone.

It's also reprehensible that she's not modeling appropriate behavior around kids. Why do people expect teens not to have car accidents while texting when they can't resist texting themselves.

I would have a heart to heart with her when the kids aren't around. Tell her directly that you don't need an update from her while she's transporting the kids. Show her how to send messages hands free. Part of being a parent is not being a hypocrite. Be prepared to find alternative transportation for your kid. But truly, this is a sword that I'd fall on.

Disagree 100%

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know it's not voice because DS told me he sees her typing and picking up texts when the phone pings. The ones she has sent to me are not necessary, like "running late." An example was along the lines of "Your DS told me he has a great guitar teacher. I need one for DD can you recommend"
The problem I have with texting at a light is that there's too much tendency to finish up the text just as you're accelerating, or puck the phone back up to finish as you're rolling to the next stop, etc. it's distracted driving.
But we can disagree about whether this is safe and appropriate. Assume it's something you feel is unsafe. How do you diplomatically handle the situation with the other driver?

OP, I'm with you. This is unacceptable.

People think this "just for a minute" texting while the light is red is okay. It's not. Yeah, she may not get into an accident, however, why take the chance. Focus on the road and what's around you. Not your phone.

It's also reprehensible that she's not modeling appropriate behavior around kids. Why do people expect teens not to have car accidents while texting when they can't resist texting themselves.

I would have a heart to heart with her when the kids aren't around. Tell her directly that you don't need an update from her while she's transporting the kids. Show her how to send messages hands free. Part of being a parent is not being a hypocrite. Be prepared to find alternative transportation for your kid. But truly, this is a sword that I'd fall on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not voice. Yes, could be at a stoplight. Is that ok? That's a serious question. I have a zero tolerance policy with texting in the car, partly because I have teens who drive and this is what I insist on with them. Too rigid ? Are you comfortable with texting at red lights with kids in the car?

I'll send short texts at the red light "on our way, lots of traffic" to give a heads up. Car isn't moving, I don't see the danger.

Me too. Is that bad? Serious question. Never while the car is moving and always voice text. I don't read while the car is moving.

+1

I do this too and I can't see why it's dangerous at all. I completely put the phone down before driving and I keep an eye on the lights so I know before it will change.

Anonymous wrote:Stop overthinking this. Just find a different arrangement and then say to her "We've decided not to do carpool anymore beginning next Monday. We've found a different arrangement that works better for our family. See you at school fundraiser (or whenever)!"

OP here: So I told her something like the above, that we're out b/c it doesn't work so well for us. But I offered to continue driving her kid for a couple weeks, so she has time to figure something out. I get an email back asking if I'll just drive her kid all year because I'm putting her in a bind.

No question, just an update. I know what to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not voice. Yes, could be at a stoplight. Is that ok? That's a serious question. I have a zero tolerance policy with texting in the car, partly because I have teens who drive and this is what I insist on with them. Too rigid ? Are you comfortable with texting at red lights with kids in the car?

I'll send short texts at the red light "on our way, lots of traffic" to give a heads up. Car isn't moving, I don't see the danger.

I do this too, but if you're not ok with it, OP, then tell the driver instead of pulling out with no explanation.

Drive your own kid.

OMG I would quit the carpool. Not worth your child's life,

Anonymous wrote:Op here: Thank you for the input. Yes, we are leaving the carpool. I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to tell the other mom why we're doing this, but I will offer to continue driving her kid one way for a few weeks, so as not to leave her in a lurch. Mostly, I need my kids--brand new driver and nearly 12-year-old--to understand that we mean it when we say no texting in the driver's seat.

You are doing the right thing. Staying in the carpool gives your children the wrong message.