Anonymous
09/30/2016 07:09
Subject: Re:Referrals for Pro Bono Legal
Anonymous wrote:Hi everyone the 15k got me only a 2 year protective order which he's appealing
A temporary custody order in place
A temporary child support/mortgage contributions (he's been unemployed for 2 yrs not paid or contributed 1 penny for 1.5 year)
1 week after he agreed to bring mortgage current, received foreclosure notice
He's been fired from every job the entire length of our marriage with a dual Masters Degree
If anyone has ever experienced the wrath and harrowing vengeance of a man suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder you could trully relate to my sheer utter hell on earth.
The pathological lies, the financial devastation, you name it he's done it to me and my child. I have learned throughout my ordeal attorneys are there to make $, Commonwealth of VA does not recognize or care about my child having witnessed her father physically and verbally abuse me. Thus my child is not covered on the protective order.
Dealing with a Narcissist with the Legal System is the most harrowing experience, not to mention he's former Law enforcement, attended Law School for 2 semesters. In hindsight no doubt he planned his strategy more than 2 years ago and trapped me in one of the most "parental rights" vs "child's rights" in the US
Please understand I'm not stupid and didn't ever take my marriage sacrament lightly thus I endured for over 15 years. He filed for divorce and has done anything and everything to delay, extend, and rack up attorney fees with anything and everything. I am his target, I genuinely am in constant fear of my safety and my child's. Narcissists use the child as a pawn. I have contacted organizations that support advocacy however there's little to nothing in terms of legal representation.
Thank you for those of you who genuinely care and tried to point me to resources, for those of you that continue to judge/respond with such harshness please consider looking at the Domestic Violence wheel and know that I'm literally dealing with such utter anxiety/distress as a result. I do not want to continue to be a victim and doing everything I can to get out of this mess and move forward.
Speaking as an attorney, whether you get yourself a pro bono attorney, get yourself a million dollar attorney on retainer, get yourself Angelina Jolie's attorney -- none of that is going to change this situation.
Be realistic about your goals for this divorce and for this situation.
A lawyer is not going to protect or litigate from much of the above.
Anonymous
09/30/2016 05:50
Subject: Referrals for Pro Bono Legal
Anonymous wrote:Im following this discussion. What if the child is too young to verbalize how much abuse he's seen? What if he hears daddy cuss out mommy, slam doors, hit mommy, threaten her, etc? Surely a 2 year old is not put on the stand? Can't wrap my head around why custody is shared with known abusers. It is not in the child's best intetest.
How will it be proven? Abuse is a very common claim in disputed custody cases. While cussing, slamming doors and such is bad parenting, I don't think it rises to the level of child abuse. If there aren't police and medical reports to back the claim, it won't be proven. Dragging children into court for those things is also bad parenting. There's also a requirement (in Virginia) that it be reported in a reasonable amount of time.
Parental alienation is something that is very damaging to children. Courts know that, which is why fostering a relationship between the other parent and child is a consideration in deciding these cases. No matter how angry one parent is, making sure that child has a chance to bond with both parents is more important.
Being a shitty spouse is not the same thing as being a shitty parent. Theoretically, the spousal abuse would stop when parents are no longer living together. If there's abuse after that, document it. Custody is never, ever about vindication for a parent.
Anonymous
09/30/2016 05:02
Subject: Referrals for Pro Bono Legal
Yes but that's why it has to be proven. A KNOWN abuser won't get custody because there's proof of abuse. You can't just show up at court and claim abuse with no proof and get your spouse's parental rights taken away on a whim.
Op, nobody is being mean to you here, I'm sorry you perceives it that way. We are just saying if you've called around and can't get pro bono help it is probably because you don't qualify. You picked a bad lawyer, clearly, but spending $15k on a bad lawyer isn't the same as a woman who literally has nothing at all. I can't go spend all my money at the store and then claim I qualify for food stamps because now my money is gone.
Op, nobody is being mean to you here, I'm sorry you perceives it that way. We are just saying if you've called around and can't get pro bono help it is probably because you don't qualify. You picked a bad lawyer, clearly, but spending $15k on a bad lawyer isn't the same as a woman who literally has nothing at all. I can't go spend all my money at the store and then claim I qualify for food stamps because now my money is gone.
Anonymous
09/29/2016 22:39
Subject: Referrals for Pro Bono Legal
The abuse has to be proven, which is typically very difficult. Most parents wouldn't put their child on the stand to be a witness against the other parent for something relatively minor. Anything major should have accompanying medical records.
The best interest of the child is the standard. The child has a right to have a relationship with both parents, even if one or both of those parents is an awful spouse. Fighting every step of the way is detrimental. It looks like someone is using the child as a pawn to upset the other one. OP's husband may very well be doing all of this legal BS as a way of controlling her. It sounds like she is spending everything she has left to play his f*cked up game.
Willingness to coparent without contention is considered in custody cases too. Cooperatively moving forward is best for the child.
Im following this discussion. What if the child is too young to verbalize how much abuse he's seen? What if he hears daddy cuss out mommy, slam doors, hit mommy, threaten her, etc? Surely a 2 year old is not put on the stand? Can't wrap my head around why custody is shared with known abusers. It is not in the child's best intetest.
Anonymous
09/29/2016 22:13
Subject: Referrals for Pro Bono Legal
Check the website Onemomsbattle.com . It is based on divorce from a narcissistic spouse.
Anonymous
09/29/2016 21:55
Subject: Referrals for Pro Bono Legal
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Your child's rights are important. If he didn't abuse the child, he is going to get shared custody. You can spend another $15K, but that isn't going to change. What do you have to gain from continuing a contentious court battle?
Get a divorce so he isn't entitled to half your earnings and assets from here out. If he's unemployed, then that's what could happen. He will never, ever follow through on his financial promises. Find a plan B that doesn't involve him.
I understand he was abusive, but I've seen this play out enough times to know how that affects divorce and custody cases. There was even a woman with 2 kids, who was married to an abusive narcissist that stole $60K from her. She didn't get that money back, and he got 50% custody. I even testified about abuse I witnessed.
NP here. If he didn't abuse the child, but the child witnessed abuse, would that curtail his custody?
The abuse has to be proven, which is typically very difficult. Most parents wouldn't put their child on the stand to be a witness against the other parent for something relatively minor. Anything major should have accompanying medical records.
The best interest of the child is the standard. The child has a right to have a relationship with both parents, even if one or both of those parents is an awful spouse. Fighting every step of the way is detrimental. It looks like someone is using the child as a pawn to upset the other one. OP's husband may very well be doing all of this legal BS as a way of controlling her. It sounds like she is spending everything she has left to play his f*cked up game.
Willingness to coparent without contention is considered in custody cases too. Cooperatively moving forward is best for the child.
Anonymous
09/29/2016 21:10
Subject: Referrals for Pro Bono Legal
Anonymous wrote:Your child's rights are important. If he didn't abuse the child, he is going to get shared custody. You can spend another $15K, but that isn't going to change. What do you have to gain from continuing a contentious court battle?
Get a divorce so he isn't entitled to half your earnings and assets from here out. If he's unemployed, then that's what could happen. He will never, ever follow through on his financial promises. Find a plan B that doesn't involve him.
I understand he was abusive, but I've seen this play out enough times to know how that affects divorce and custody cases. There was even a woman with 2 kids, who was married to an abusive narcissist that stole $60K from her. She didn't get that money back, and he got 50% custody. I even testified about abuse I witnessed.
NP here. If he didn't abuse the child, but the child witnessed abuse, would that curtail his custody?