Your husband is wrong. It’s the kids birthday let him celebrate how he wants to.

Did I miss where you wrote what he wants to do on his birthday?

My youngest stopped having parties (didn't want them by HS) at 15.

My older son had a surprise sleepover at 16--but he still was getting together with friends for bdays at 17 and this year at 18. The difference is parents weren't involved ---they would just go chill at bday person's house--the mother might have cake if they knew it was happening--pizza, etc.

I think there are bday people and non-bday people. I always hated a big fuss for my bday--prefer to let it go...yet I married somebody that loves bdays and surprises and always goes big on my bday (to which I'm embarrassed). Lots of surprise parties over the years and surprise bday dinners, etc.

My 15-year old stopped having parties about 2 years ago. He thinks it's just not cool. However, we do something for him, just not a party. One year he just wanted to go to an amusement park with only his best friend, for example. You can celebrate in a way that makes his day special, but without having an actual party.

You have to respect his wishes. We have all had times in our lives that we felt disconnected from or are actually disconnected from friends, and it eventually resolves. But forcing it won't help.

I think his birthday should be celebrated, but that doesn’t necessarily mean a party.

Maybe he’d like to do something big with 1 or 2 friends like a day at Six Flags or do something with the family like a trip to New York with Broadway shows or a weekend camping trip. Maybe he’d like to some sort of special experience, or to just be king for a day. He might even prefer a quiet celebration and big gift. (I still remember my parents giving me the choice one year between a swing set or a party - I really loved that swing set.)

Why don’t you tell him approximately what his celebration budget is, and ask him how he would like to be celebrated?

I don't think I had a birthday party past the age of seven—I'd have cake with my parents and sister—and don't really feel the need to have one now. So, I don't think this is strange at all. Getting people together is fun, but I don't feel the need to have it be about my birthday.

It should really be up to your son, birthday parties ARE supposed to be for the person who is having a birthday. And they don't have to be in the traditional format--bringing two friends to a DC United game, ie, doing something maybe a little extra generous, but not necessarily involving a cake, streamers and a crowd of people, would be great.

Do not make him have a birthday party! One ds had tons of friends but so hated parties, and being the center of attention that we stopped them early.

He was ok with a cake, and maybe his 2 best friends from the neighborhood as next door. It was more like…we are having cake after dinner if you want to come over. They always did!

My elder one stopped having birthday party at 13 so we celebrated by going for an extended family dinner with cake back home in india.
Sqme for my younher ine turning 13 now wants to goto zoo.
Last year they went to wonderland, all day they stood in sun for 3 rides in entire day.
Thiw year elder ine wantw to try VR games.

Anonymous wrote:Birthday is coming up and I keep asking what he would like to do with his friends. He doesn't commit to anything. The other day he said he didn't want a party. My DH said he should do something for his birthday. He is a firm believer of having a birthday party every year. I didn't really grow up with parties with friends just a family celebration. DH thinks it's strange if you don't celebrate. Anyway, is your teen son having birthday parties?

Op, I really hope I turn on NPR one day and hear your husband reading his essay on birthday parties for the program "This I Believe"!

Starting around 12-13 my kids switched from parties to an outing with a few friends -- for DS that means 2-3 others, for DD it's more like 6. But some outings have been seeing a show, Sandy Spring Adventure Park, Flight, etc. and then out to a restaurant afterwards.

Anonymous wrote:My fifteen year old boy stopped having parties ages ago. We let him pick his favorite restaurant and go out as a family.

OP Here: thanks makes me feel better.

Anonymous wrote:OP I would be concerned if your son doesn't want to celebrate with friends at all (unlike most of the PP's, I read your follow up post so I know that it is not an actual 'party' that you are pushing for) especially if it's unusual for him. I'd try to find out if something is up, if he had a falling out with his friends, something like that.

do you have high school kids? this isn't unusual.

My fifteen year old boy stopped having parties ages ago. We let him pick his favorite restaurant and go out as a family.