Anonymous
09/22/2016 08:57
Subject: Re:I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anonymous wrote:OP - I do not know you or your son but if I were in your shoes I would talk to him and discuss three paths he could take:
1. He could apply to the more selective colleges. Not because you expect him to but because he has worked hard in high school and has the grades/stats that prove he would be a good candidate for these colleges.
2. If he is a good student but he is burned out or does not want to attend a high pressure, competitive college, perhaps you ought to be open minded and allow him to apply to schools where he would get a good education even if they are not highly ranked or prestigious.
3. He takes a gap year and applies next Fall
I am with you about not wanting him to attend a "party" school but I don't understand why the only options are selective vs. party school. I agree with the previous posters who have encouraged you not to use money as a tool to get him to do what you want- that will backfire.
If you have a slightly immature high school senior I would be equally worried about sending him to a party school or a high pressure environment.
+1
Also OP what is the name of this "party school"
Anonymous
09/21/2016 19:01
Subject: Re:I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anonymous wrote:I have two college grads and two in college now. I think you should let your ADULT child choose his college assuming it is accredited and affordable for your family. I've seen firsthand what happens when parents force their choice on their kids. My in-laws forced my DH to attend a school he didn't want by refusing to pay for the school he wanted. He has never forgiven his parents for using money to manipulate him. He is 50 years old and when he thinks about it still pisses him off.
My kids didn't select the schools I would have, but in each case the school turned out to be a great fit. Give your son some credit.
DH should have found a way to pay for it himself, if he felt that strongly.
If mom and dad are paying, then they should be involved in the decision.
Anonymous
09/21/2016 17:40
Subject: I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anyone bitter about parents who PAID FOR YOUR COLLEGE sending you to a tougher school needs to get a grip. Check your privilege. Most kids have $0 help, you're bitter about a full boat from the folks.
A broke 17-18 year old is not an adult. They're naive know-it--ally bound to make dumb decisions (they expect their parents to pay for and clean up, when needed).
A broke 17-18 year old is not an adult. They're naive know-it--ally bound to make dumb decisions (they expect their parents to pay for and clean up, when needed).
Anonymous
09/21/2016 17:31
Subject: Re:I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anonymous wrote:I have two college grads and two in college now. I think you should let your ADULT child choose his college assuming it is accredited and affordable for your family. I've seen firsthand what happens when parents force their choice on their kids. My in-laws forced my DH to attend a school he didn't want by refusing to pay for the school he wanted. He has never forgiven his parents for using money to manipulate him. He is 50 years old and when he thinks about it still pisses him off.
My kids didn't select the schools I would have, but in each case the school turned out to be a great fit. Give your son some credit.
My parents did the same - would not pay for the college of my choice. It actually was a good, top 15 school. But they had reasons and explained them to me. I disagreed but it was MY CHOICE to either accept the full ride at one of the colleges they would pay for OR to go to the college of my preference but pay my way.
It would be ludicrous for me at 50+ to still be mad about it with my parents when I clearly chose the easier path.
Anonymous
09/21/2016 15:43
Subject: I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
What's the "party school", OP?
Anonymous
09/21/2016 15:39
Subject: I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Party school because that's where a large chunk of his friends are heading. If everything was left up to him it's the only college he'd apply to. Total follower.
He needs to follow your plan for him because nothing else is acceptable to you? Sounds like you don't like or trust your kid much. And you seem okay with him being a follower as long as the one he's following is you. Tell him how much you're willing and able to pay for his college, then let him make his own choice. He's the one who will have to live with the decisions he makes now and how they impact his future, so imo he should be the one choosing his life path.
Disclaimer: I'm biased. I'm the child of demanding parents who were controlling in most areas of my life until I cut contact at age 23, and they used finances as one major source of leverage over me.
Anonymous
09/21/2016 11:42
Subject: I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
No. I would not let a bright kid with great SAT scores and grades go to a "party school" he chose only to be with friends. One that had a special program he wanted sure. But not if the only reason is to drink with his buds. We sacrifice a lot to save for college. Kids need to do there part and go to the best place to meet long term goals. And if they have and interest and talent for something not mainstream, that may not be a top 20 (or top 50) school.
I would tell my kid straight up that I do not plan on paying for the party school. Or co-sign loans for it. If that's the only school he gets into, he can find a way to pay, or go to the community college for 2 years and live at home. There are great 4 year schools in VA that have guaranteed admission after 2 years, and it saves us a lot of money. Or he can gap year, live at home & work and reapply.
Then again, my kids would take this seriously because I always follow through.
I would tell my kid straight up that I do not plan on paying for the party school. Or co-sign loans for it. If that's the only school he gets into, he can find a way to pay, or go to the community college for 2 years and live at home. There are great 4 year schools in VA that have guaranteed admission after 2 years, and it saves us a lot of money. Or he can gap year, live at home & work and reapply.
Then again, my kids would take this seriously because I always follow through.
Anonymous
09/21/2016 11:32
Subject: Re:I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
I have two college grads and two in college now. I think you should let your ADULT child choose his college assuming it is accredited and affordable for your family. I've seen firsthand what happens when parents force their choice on their kids. My in-laws forced my DH to attend a school he didn't want by refusing to pay for the school he wanted. He has never forgiven his parents for using money to manipulate him. He is 50 years old and when he thinks about it still pisses him off.
My kids didn't select the schools I would have, but in each case the school turned out to be a great fit. Give your son some credit.
My kids didn't select the schools I would have, but in each case the school turned out to be a great fit. Give your son some credit.
Anonymous
09/21/2016 11:23
Subject: Re:I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What schools still have interviews that impact admissions?
Interviews may not get you admitted but it can get you rejected.
Which schools still do interviews? We have not come across any, including the Ivies we have investigated.
Seriously? Georgetown requires them. Many SLACs encourage them like Bates, Wesleyan, Trinity, Bowdoin, Oberlin, Dickinson, Haverford, Hamilton, Swarthmore, Kenyon...
And yet, Williams, Amherst, Princeton, Cornell............ do not. Go figure.
I do alumni interviews for princeton. And i had one with an admissions officer on campus when i applied.
Alumni interviews do not affect admissions
Not correct. It may not get you in but it can certainly play a role rejecting you.
Anonymous
09/21/2016 11:19
Subject: I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Interviews count for Harvard and Yale. Does anyone know anyone who got in without an interview??
Anonymous
09/21/2016 11:14
Subject: Re:I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What schools still have interviews that impact admissions?
Interviews may not get you admitted but it can get you rejected.
Which schools still do interviews? We have not come across any, including the Ivies we have investigated.
Seriously? Georgetown requires them. Many SLACs encourage them like Bates, Wesleyan, Trinity, Bowdoin, Oberlin, Dickinson, Haverford, Hamilton, Swarthmore, Kenyon...
And yet, Williams, Amherst, Princeton, Cornell............ do not. Go figure.
I do alumni interviews for princeton. And i had one with an admissions officer on campus when i applied.
Alumni interviews do not affect admissions
That is not accurate. Princeton does consider feedback from the interview. From their website: "We include the interviewer’s comments in our review of your application. Interviews aren't required as part of the admission process, but we encourage candidates to accept the invitation."
Anonymous
09/21/2016 11:05
Subject: I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Party school because that's where a large chunk of his friends are heading. If everything was left up to him it's the only college he'd apply to. Total follower.
It sounds like the follower part is a problem OP. Not everyone is a leader. I was not a "follower" and a lot of people I knew who were are actually more financially successful than I am today--mainly because they are extroverted salespeople. Your son will have to work with who he is to find a place in the world.
Anonymous
09/21/2016 10:53
Subject: Re:I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What schools still have interviews that impact admissions?
Interviews may not get you admitted but it can get you rejected.
Which schools still do interviews? We have not come across any, including the Ivies we have investigated.
Seriously? Georgetown requires them. Many SLACs encourage them like Bates, Wesleyan, Trinity, Bowdoin, Oberlin, Dickinson, Haverford, Hamilton, Swarthmore, Kenyon...
And yet, Williams, Amherst, Princeton, Cornell............ do not. Go figure.
I do alumni interviews for princeton. And i had one with an admissions officer on campus when i applied.
Alumni interviews do not affect admissions
Anonymous
09/21/2016 06:29
Subject: Re:I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What schools still have interviews that impact admissions?
Interviews may not get you admitted but it can get you rejected.
Which schools still do interviews? We have not come across any, including the Ivies we have investigated.
Seriously? Georgetown requires them. Many SLACs encourage them like Bates, Wesleyan, Trinity, Bowdoin, Oberlin, Dickinson, Haverford, Hamilton, Swarthmore, Kenyon...
And yet, Williams, Amherst, Princeton, Cornell............ do not. Go figure.
I do alumni interviews for princeton. And i had one with an admissions officer on campus when i applied.
Anonymous
09/21/2016 06:15
Subject: Re:I think my son is going to intentionally bomb his college interviews and/or essays...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What schools still have interviews that impact admissions?
Interviews may not get you admitted but it can get you rejected.
Which schools still do interviews? We have not come across any, including the Ivies we have investigated.
Seriously? Georgetown requires them. Many SLACs encourage them like Bates, Wesleyan, Trinity, Bowdoin, Oberlin, Dickinson, Haverford, Hamilton, Swarthmore, Kenyon...
And yet, Williams, Amherst, Princeton, Cornell............ do not. Go figure.