Marie seems to be a black and white thinker, and it appears you are not. In my experience its difficult to have deep religious debates when on such different ground. It's not just a difference in religious conviction but also a difference in worldview and experience. There is no way to get a person who thinks in such duality as Marie to see your side of things. They will always trump you by quoting Scripture or doctrine. It's right or wrong to them. And that's fine, it's where they are in life, we have all been there.

That's why I think trying to get Marie to see things your way is an absolute sure to fail plan. In your letter, say that you love her and want to be friends with her and if she wants that too, it's time to let this issue with Tonya go. Let her know that you have reasons for doing what you did that she doesn't know about, that you have talked to the confessor, and any more discussion of the matter isn't going to change your response to Tonya. Let bygones be bygones so to speak, in order to salvage your relationship with Marie. It's up to her what she chooses to do, and you, OP have to be willing to let her go.
Also, most of the time when people I know get riled up about another person's behavior or choices when they have no real investment in that person, it usually means there is some sort or underlying faith/existential crisis going on.

I'm catholic and I love the tradition and family life that comes with it. However, when I hear a story like yours it gives me pause. This story is everything that I dislike about the church.

Marie sounds like the kind of bully who attacks people at their weakest moment. And if that's not enough, she goes after those who try to help the vulnerable.

I think first you have to accept that a big part of the reason she was friends with you to begin with is because you checked all of the boxes. On her end keeping up appearances was an integral part of your friendship. This is not someone who loves you for who you are. That said, I understand how hard it is to let go of a relationship you've cherished most of your life. If I were in your shoes, I'd write her a letter. But even if you do reconcile I would continue with the friendship with the understanding that she is not an unconditional friend. This is not someone you can count on to have your back, but it is someone you enjoy going to lunch with.

Anonymous wrote:I belong to a very conservative sect but my views differ from many of my friends and family. I have learned that in order to keep my frienships that I started as a child, I need to let issues rest. I had to come to the understanding that my friend and I would never see eye-to-eye on some issues, but I didn't want that to mean we weren't going to be friends anymore. Of course, we both had to realize this, and agree to not talk about the things that we got fired up about and butted heads about.
Because of my background, I can understand how your friend doesn't want her in your life. Religious people are like this sometimes, and it's really sad. Over time, she might change, and you can leave the door open for her to continue your friendship. My advice would be to not keep talking about the abortion issue, but let her know by a letter she can keep and re-read what her friendship means to you, and that you'll always be there.
Maybe she might change her mind on the issue if she has someone close to her that goes through an experience similar. Sometimes experiences are the only things that can change people.

+1

two things:

Maybe Marie will cool down on her own and see things differently.

If you decide to see a preist together, be very careful choosing the priest. The one you saw when you were a teen-ager sounded great. See him if he's still around or look carefully for someone like him.