Anonymous wrote:If your parents divorced after you turned 18 and left home and you're on here complaining about how much it sucks for you because you have an extra house to visit on Christmas---I'm sorry, but you need to get over yourself. These people sacrificed by staying in a miserable relationship for almost twenty years so that you could grow up in a two-parent home. Now you don't want them to find happiness and for whatever amount of time they have left because it might complicate your schedule. Not cool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parallel parenting is all well and good if the kids are ok with it, but some kids need more. And if a real problem develops, you will need to co-parent effectively.

PS, OP, how do you feel about your STBXH having a new wife and having no say in how she and DH raise your kids?

This post makes no sense. Kids need more of what, exactly?

I hope not more of watching two parents miserably married to each other.

OP and her ex aren't going to run off and get married next year to some evil people who will not let the true parents have any say in how the kids are raised. That rarely happens, if ever, around here. In fact, that rarely happens anywhere anymore.

So what's your real point?

Some kids need more cooperative parenting. Like if a kid has a serious illness or behavior problem, parallel parenting may not be enough.

Isn't this board full of 2nd wives complaining about ex wives, first wives complaining about second wives, parents unable to agree on parenting? Check out Special Concerns, there's plenty there too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's sounds like a separation would be amicable so I would do it in a heartbeat. You both can be pleasant with each other and co-parent.

I married the wrong person. But I feel stuck- a separation with him would not be amicable at all and he would make my life even more miserable. I'm waiting until the kids go to college.

But if I were in your shoes, make a clean break. As long as the kids see that you both are kind and caring with each other and can co-parent responsibility and nicely then I think they would be fine.

Bullshit, Pollyanna. 'You can both be pleasant' - let's see how that plays out in real life. Kids are NOT fine with divorce. They HATE it and pay for your 'clean break' for the rest of their lives. You're not looking far enough down the road. Divorced parents take on new partners and set up new households. The original kids are displaced, feel like guests in their parent's new home. As hard as parents may try (even in the NOVA bubble where I live), divorced kids pay a price that's difficult for them to verbalize, but present nevertheless. You are breaking their home literally and figuratively. Listen to some Blink-182 and Everclear to hear the anger from the mouths of sons of divorce.

Anonymous wrote:It's sounds like a separation would be amicable so I would do it in a heartbeat. You both can be pleasant with each other and co-parent.

I married the wrong person. But I feel stuck- a separation with him would not be amicable at all and he would make my life even more miserable. I'm waiting until the kids go to college.

But if I were in your shoes, make a clean break. As long as the kids see that you both are kind and caring with each other and can co-parent responsibility and nicely then I think they would be fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parallel parenting is all well and good if the kids are ok with it, but some kids need more. And if a real problem develops, you will need to co-parent effectively.

PS, OP, how do you feel about your STBXH having a new wife and having no say in how she and DH raise your kids?

This post makes no sense. Kids need more of what, exactly?

I hope not more of watching two parents miserably married to each other.

OP and her ex aren't going to run off and get married next year to some evil people who will not let the true parents have any say in how the kids are raised. That rarely happens, if ever, around here. In fact, that rarely happens anywhere anymore.

So what's your real point?

There is a big misconception among the divorced folks on this board, who cheerlead for others to join the divorce club, what the typical ho hum marriage looks like. Wife and I are mature enough not to drag our elementary school kids into our sex life, or lack thereof. Actually, when the kids are awake they dominate our time, and we are very good co-parents and friends. It's not until they climb into bed and the house is quiet and we are done picking up that the reality that wife and I have just grown apart sets in.

There is a big misconception among the divorced folks on this board, who cheerlead for others to join the divorce club, what the typical ho hum marriage looks like. Wife and I are mature enough not to drag our elementary school kids into our sex life, or lack thereof. Actually, when the kids are awake they dominate our time, and we are very good co-parents and friends. It's not until they climb into bed and the house is quiet and we are done picking up that the reality that wife and I have just grown apart sets in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parallel parenting is all well and good if the kids are ok with it, but some kids need more. And if a real problem develops, you will need to co-parent effectively.

PS, OP, how do you feel about your STBXH having a new wife and having no say in how she and DH raise your kids?

This post makes no sense. Kids need more of what, exactly?

I hope not more of watching two parents miserably married to each other.

OP and her ex aren't going to run off and get married next year to some evil people who will not let the true parents have any say in how the kids are raised. That rarely happens, if ever, around here. In fact, that rarely happens anywhere anymore.

So what's your real point?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parallel parenting is all well and good if the kids are ok with it, but some kids need more. And if a real problem develops, you will need to co-parent effectively.

PS, OP, how do you feel about your STBXH having a new wife and having no say in how she and DH raise your kids?

This post makes no sense. Kids need more of what, exactly?

I hope not more of watching two parents miserably married to each other.

OP and her ex aren't going to run off and get married next year to some evil people who will not let the true parents have any say in how the kids are raised. That rarely happens, if ever, around here. In fact, that rarely happens anywhere anymore.

So what's your real point?

There is a big misconception among the divorced folks on this board, who cheerlead for others to join the divorce club, what the typical ho hum marriage looks like. Wife and I are mature enough not to drag our elementary school kids into our sex life, or lack thereof. Actually, when the kids are awake they dominate our time, and we are very good co-parents and friends. It's not until they climb into bed and the house is quiet and we are done picking up that the reality that wife and I have just grown apart sets in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parallel parenting is all well and good if the kids are ok with it, but some kids need more. And if a real problem develops, you will need to co-parent effectively.

PS, OP, how do you feel about your STBXH having a new wife and having no say in how she and DH raise your kids?

This post makes no sense. Kids need more of what, exactly?

I hope not more of watching two parents miserably married to each other.

OP and her ex aren't going to run off and get married next year to some evil people who will not let the true parents have any say in how the kids are raised. That rarely happens, if ever, around here. In fact, that rarely happens anywhere anymore.

So what's your real point?

There is a big misconception among the divorced folks on this board, who cheerlead for others to join the divorce club, what the typical ho hum marriage looks like. Wife and I are mature enough not to drag our elementary school kids into our sex life, or lack thereof. Actually, when the kids are awake they dominate our time, and we are very good co-parents and friends. It's not until they climb into bed and the house is quiet and we are done picking up that the reality that wife and I have just grown apart sets in.

Anonymous wrote:Parallel parenting is all well and good if the kids are ok with it, but some kids need more. And if a real problem develops, you will need to co-parent effectively.

PS, OP, how do you feel about your STBXH having a new wife and having no say in how she and DH raise your kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, the lack of physical has driven us apart. That is a chicken and egg question though, isn't it? She would probably say she doesn't feel like being intimate if we aren't connected.

I don't know how we got here, to be honest. It's like we were a whirlwind when the kids were little. Then they hit elementary school, and now we should be celebrating some of our time together again, and instead we bicker. Which is really sad because we aren't negative bickering types. We are what others perceive as the fun couple (side note - classic example of never assume what goes on in a marriage).

She seems to hold a lot of resentment to me. I have my theories, but I don't want to ignite the mommy wars on this thread.

If this makes any sense, we are actually quite kind and occasionally flirty over email and phone when I am travelling for work, but at home when the kids go to bed it's icy.

We need to fix it, I suppose, but it's hard to find the will to work on something you have lost interest in working on. It would be nice to improve it just so the elephant in the room would go away.

Any suggestions?