Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 10:18     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Anonymous wrote:
Even though I've been burned myself, I prefer the tough approach, because it makes parents think hard about what they've done and how they think about their kid. Parental feelings, particularly on an anonymous board, are completely unimportant compared to the benefits of ruthlessly analyzing a case.

I DO NOT mean insults or nasty comments. I mean a cold analysis of the facts. For that we need as many facts as possible.


Seriously?
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 10:17     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, it's not that it's that exciting. You're just making it some huge mystery. He's got mild Asd, mild delays - so do many of the kids here. That information isn't going to "out you."


That's actually not our situation.


If he has motor skills issues and social skills issues, he does indeed have delays. That's a fact.


Yes, I know he has delays!!
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 10:14     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Among mainstream schools I'd try Sheridan, St Andrews, Sandy Spring Friends, Green Acres or Lowell.

They are all in the more progressive, whole child vein and say they welcome children with diverse learning styles. I have friends who have sent kids to all, including a couple with SNs. The SN kids didn't last much past 2nd and the parents were doing a lot of supports and therapies outside school at their own expense.

You won't know until you apply, visit and meet with the directors whether they will be good for your child.

That said if I were in your shoes, I'd move into the Bethesda Elementary school district and try public school.



Yeah, but depending on the SN some of the schools mentioned will be the absolute wrong environment especially if the kid needs a lot of structure.

OP won't even disclose what the "mild SN" is that required an IEP in public preschool.


I think this is the crux of the perceived negative feedback she got. When people ask advice on this board, it helps to offer some detail. Nobody can advise you on what program or school is best for your child if you refuse to divulge any information other than "it's just really really mild and not a super biggie but he has an IEP for it." That's not enough information for anyone to offer advice or recommendations. And when a parent wants the benefit of the advice of fellow special needs parents, while simultaneously denying THEIR child has actual special needs, it really rubs people the wrong way. You can't say you want our advice and understanding and commiseration while also refusing to align yourself with us and our kids because you and yours aren't really SN families.


I think I gave enough detail and am not comfortable with disclosing more due to privacy. The main issues are motor skills and social skills, which can end up in externalizing behavior, as I stated in the OP. There are many different factors and not all of them are entirely clear yet -- although like every parent on here I have been diligent in consulting with experts. The one thing that IS clear to me (and the reason I posted in the first place) is that the size of the class and quality of teaching makes a huge difference, and at this point we have a reasonable belief that he would be able to succeed in the right kind of mainstream kindergarten. It seems like unless I give all the CPT codes we bill to insurance nobody is going to be happy.


You're doubling down again on what I just said was the likely problem. You want SN parents advice but are insistent he belongs in and will do just fine in a mainstream class. Might he? Maybe. But we don't know because you're so cagey with details. Absolutely nobody who reads this could ID or out you if you revealed his diagnosis or why he has an IEP but you still won't, so nobody can advise you. When you accept you're a parent of a SN child, you might find this forum useful.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:58     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Among mainstream schools I'd try Sheridan, St Andrews, Sandy Spring Friends, Green Acres or Lowell.

They are all in the more progressive, whole child vein and say they welcome children with diverse learning styles. I have friends who have sent kids to all, including a couple with SNs. The SN kids didn't last much past 2nd and the parents were doing a lot of supports and therapies outside school at their own expense.

You won't know until you apply, visit and meet with the directors whether they will be good for your child.

That said if I were in your shoes, I'd move into the Bethesda Elementary school district and try public school.



Yeah, but depending on the SN some of the schools mentioned will be the absolute wrong environment especially if the kid needs a lot of structure.

OP won't even disclose what the "mild SN" is that required an IEP in public preschool.


I think this is the crux of the perceived negative feedback she got. When people ask advice on this board, it helps to offer some detail. Nobody can advise you on what program or school is best for your child if you refuse to divulge any information other than "it's just really really mild and not a super biggie but he has an IEP for it." That's not enough information for anyone to offer advice or recommendations. And when a parent wants the benefit of the advice of fellow special needs parents, while simultaneously denying THEIR child has actual special needs, it really rubs people the wrong way. You can't say you want our advice and understanding and commiseration while also refusing to align yourself with us and our kids because you and yours aren't really SN families.


I think I gave enough detail and am not comfortable with disclosing more due to privacy. The main issues are motor skills and social skills, which can end up in externalizing behavior, as I stated in the OP. There are many different factors and not all of them are entirely clear yet -- although like every parent on here I have been diligent in consulting with experts. The one thing that IS clear to me (and the reason I posted in the first place) is that the size of the class and quality of teaching makes a huge difference, and at this point we have a reasonable belief that he would be able to succeed in the right kind of mainstream kindergarten. It seems like unless I give all the CPT codes we bill to insurance nobody is going to be happy.



Preschool and kindergarten staffing ratios are very different. If I were you, I would select a supportive learning environment with a higher teacher/aide to student ratio. You say you have a "reasonable belief that he would be able to succeed in the right kind of mainstream kindergarten" do his current and former teachers share that belief?
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:58     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Op, what about Newton? I'm thinking about that for my son. A little unsure because we also have behavior issues. Behavior issues are really the third rail, fwiw, for schools, too. It's just best to know that going into the process.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:57     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Public with IEP is your best option if you are in DC. Go visit Maddux and Auburn but you will have trouble getting in with a history of disruptive behaviors.

Mainstream private is probably not a option for you and I say this as the parent of a child who got into them prior to getting a diagnosis and IEP and thank our lucky stars that we dodged that bullet bc in all likelihood we would have been asked to leave and DS did not have disruptive behaviors just socially awkward and isolated with mild ASD.

What makes you so sure that a small nurturing environment will resolve all/most of your kid's issues? If your child needs an IEP, it is doubtful that just having a good teacher and small class size will be enough.

If you speak to all your experts, they will tell you the same.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:52     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering

Even though I've been burned myself, I prefer the tough approach, because it makes parents think hard about what they've done and how they think about their kid. Parental feelings, particularly on an anonymous board, are completely unimportant compared to the benefits of ruthlessly analyzing a case.

I DO NOT mean insults or nasty comments. I mean a cold analysis of the facts. For that we need as many facts as possible.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:52     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, it's not that it's that exciting. You're just making it some huge mystery. He's got mild Asd, mild delays - so do many of the kids here. That information isn't going to "out you."


That's actually not our situation.


If he has motor skills issues and social skills issues, he does indeed have delays. That's a fact.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:48     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Anonymous wrote:Op, it's not that it's that exciting. You're just making it some huge mystery. He's got mild Asd, mild delays - so do many of the kids here. That information isn't going to "out you."


That's actually not our situation.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:48     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Anonymous wrote:How about PEP?


I actually really wish we had access to PEP but they don't have it in DC. From what I've heard about it it seems great.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:47     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Anonymous wrote:How about PEP?


I think combining a year of public special Ed preschool with half days at a more mainstream preschool would be a good option but I'm not sure if the local school systems (are they in moco?) will let your dc do preschool if he is technically old enough for K.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:46     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Anonymous wrote:With a "history of disruptive behavior" and an IEP, you are going to have a difficult time getting your child into any school including SN schools like Maddux, Auburn, Harbor, etc.


Harbor is NOT a SN school. They sometimes take kids with SN and don't know what to do with them.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:44     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
How about PEP?
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:41     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Op, it's not that it's that exciting. You're just making it some huge mystery. He's got mild Asd, mild delays - so do many of the kids here. That information isn't going to "out you."
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2016 09:38     Subject: s/o let's be civil here and stop the diagnoses lawyering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Among mainstream schools I'd try Sheridan, St Andrews, Sandy Spring Friends, Green Acres or Lowell.

They are all in the more progressive, whole child vein and say they welcome children with diverse learning styles. I have friends who have sent kids to all, including a couple with SNs. The SN kids didn't last much past 2nd and the parents were doing a lot of supports and therapies outside school at their own expense.

You won't know until you apply, visit and meet with the directors whether they will be good for your child.

That said if I were in your shoes, I'd move into the Bethesda Elementary school district and try public school.



Yeah, but depending on the SN some of the schools mentioned will be the absolute wrong environment especially if the kid needs a lot of structure.

OP won't even disclose what the "mild SN" is that required an IEP in public preschool.


I think this is the crux of the perceived negative feedback she got. When people ask advice on this board, it helps to offer some detail. Nobody can advise you on what program or school is best for your child if you refuse to divulge any information other than "it's just really really mild and not a super biggie but he has an IEP for it." That's not enough information for anyone to offer advice or recommendations. And when a parent wants the benefit of the advice of fellow special needs parents, while simultaneously denying THEIR child has actual special needs, it really rubs people the wrong way. You can't say you want our advice and understanding and commiseration while also refusing to align yourself with us and our kids because you and yours aren't really SN families.


I think I gave enough detail and am not comfortable with disclosing more due to privacy. The main issues are motor skills and social skills, which can end up in externalizing behavior, as I stated in the OP. There are many different factors and not all of them are entirely clear yet -- although like every parent on here I have been diligent in consulting with experts. The one thing that IS clear to me (and the reason I posted in the first place) is that the size of the class and quality of teaching makes a huge difference, and at this point we have a reasonable belief that he would be able to succeed in the right kind of mainstream kindergarten. It seems like unless I give all the CPT codes we bill to insurance nobody is going to be happy.