Anonymous wrote:I have a DD who is more than smart to become a Dr. but will she put in the work? That is an issue. Everything comes so easy to her, and now when it is time to sit down and really study, for you have to study in high school and even if you are as smart as anything, unless you open the book.. Still has great grades, but that won't continue with taking so many AP and Honors classes, she has to really warm the chair, so to say. But, what is driving me crazy is FIL who is constantly telling her that she should be a PA and to stop thinking about being a medical Dr. First, it is none of his business, and second, why not aim higher and then, if it doesn't work out, there will be other options.

FIL is a smart man your daughter would be wise to go the PA route.

ALso, why can't a grandparent give advice on a career?

My SIL said that her daughter is a loser and will attend "name state school that is not very demanding," if she is lucky to get in. It is true that my niece has really fallen behind and is doing poorly in school, still it was a shock to hear her mom say it so matter of fact.

I have a DD who is more than smart to become a Dr. but will she put in the work? That is an issue. Everything comes so easy to her, and now when it is time to sit down and really study, for you have to study in high school and even if you are as smart as anything, unless you open the book.. Still has great grades, but that won't continue with taking so many AP and Honors classes, she has to really warm the chair, so to say. But, what is driving me crazy is FIL who is constantly telling her that she should be a PA and to stop thinking about being a medical Dr. First, it is none of his business, and second, why not aim higher and then, if it doesn't work out, there will be other options.

Anonymous wrote:Or any tough career where you need a lot of brain power and credentials*

I was surprised to hear a dear friend say her daughter "just doesn't have -it-." I took that to mean she thinks her daughter is sort of stupid. Her daughter is 14 (and seems pretty bright to me)! I can't imagine lowering the bar or expectations already. I think you over prepare kids so they can pursue whatever they want at college. It seems her daughter is going to be nudged away from many fields long before college. Sad.

Just sticking with your example of being a doctor, I would say the same about my child. It's not that I don't think my child isn't bright it's that I know that going to medical school really requires dedication, desire and lots of hard work and sustained effort. My child is smart enough and when he studies can get A's but I also know he is just as likely to not study and be ok with a B.

One of my childhood friends is now a doctor. She struggled quite a bit in middle school but got into a very competitive high school, then picked a very challenging major in college, aced the MCAT and was very successful as a med student and now as a doctor.

Years later, a conversation with her parents revealed that they were very dubious about her attending the competitive high school in the first place and were convinced that she would crash and burn - however, they kept their mouth shut and let her try. Same when she entered college with plans to go on to med school. They all laugh now about how little faith her parents had in her but the truth is, her motivation and academic abilities really weren't apparent at that time. As she got older, she did what was required and as it turns out she was perfectly capable of being successful, but no one could have guessed back then.

Moral of the story, keep your mouth shut for a while and let her try it out - she may surprise you! And even if she doesn't make it to med school, chances are she'll have a good college degree and plenty of options to fall back on.

Anonymous wrote:Or any tough career where you need a lot of brain power and credentials*

I was surprised to hear a dear friend say her daughter "just doesn't have -it-." I took that to mean she thinks her daughter is sort of stupid. Her daughter is 14 (and seems pretty bright to me)! I can't imagine lowering the bar or expectations already. I think you over prepare kids so they can pursue whatever they want at college. It seems her daughter is going to be nudged away from many fields long before college. Sad.

Is your friend a doc? "Just doesn't have it" might not be referring to brain power at all but stamina, etc. FWIW, I knew I lacked the stamina when I was a senior in HS so never bothered. My sis spent 4 years in a pre-med track before she had a wake up call. Alas, too late to redo college.

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw- my contractor is one of the smartest people I know.

Based on what? You have deep conversations with the guy remodeling your kitchen?

To be a doctor needs perseverance more than brilliance. Your kid can be relatively smart - mostly A's and B's and can become a doctor if they have the interest, the discipline and the perseverance. Having mom-dad pay for medical school is a bonus but not a requirement. Maybe that is what your friend means.

Its really hard to get into med school in the US. I worked extremely hard in college to have the "whole package" because you really need to just to get an interview. Now, I'm in med school and its about 1000x harder than college. I imagine residency will be even more challenging. So, when I say that not everyone can do it, its not because people aren't smart enough, it just takes a lot of stamina.

DH is a physician, so it's always been a topic of discussion in the house, encouraged by a ton of people over the years who casually ask "do you think any of your kids will follow in their dad's footsteps?"

All of them have grown up seeing how much time the profession has taken away from a quality relationship with their dad, he misses things because he's on call, he is never on time, has to walk out of dinners because he needs to speak to patients outside where he can have some privacy and cell phone service. The nights he didn't come home at all.

One of our kids wants to go to nursing school. That's about it. They have all just decided they want more of a life with their families than their dad had with them. It's their conclusion that they came to independently.

I did once hear my BIL's parents say right in front of him and the rest of the family that "John was never going to be management material, he's a better Indian than a chief." I felt terrible for him and would never say anything like that in front of my kids.

I went to veterinary school twenty years ago. There were three students in my class that I wouldn't trust to vaccinate my cat much less so anything more intense. You can find stupid people everywhere. And you can find intelligent people everywhere. This world takes doctors, lawyers and Indian chiefs to go 'round. Fwiw- my contractor is one of the smartest people I know.

Both my kids are very bright but one is easily frustrated when he can't get an answer quickly and doesn't show much drive/tenacity to stick through something difficult like med school. We continue to challenge him on this to help build that ability but I can't see him ever going to med school

Other child is good at focusing and working long and hard on things that interest her and I"m sure would do great in med school IF that's what interests her. But it's not. She wants to work in wildlife conservation. I'm sure she'll be successful at whatever she decides to do.

Anonymous wrote:Doctor here and I hope my kid is smart enough to become a plumber.

This made me spit out my drink!

I have two kids.

Older DS is extremely bright straight A student in high school. However, he tends to take the path of least resistance. He would never make it through an internship.

Younger DD is smart, but not gifted. She is extremely tenacious with a notable amount of empathy and kindness. I see her as being excellent in the health field...and we have the means to send her through med school if that is what she wants.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my dd has the brains for it but not the tenacity. She's an average student who does the min to pass. She does not have the drive to take the hard science courses as prep for med school.

Being a doctor is about a good memory (taking the mcat) and tenacity and being able to deal with the really long and hard days in residency. Of course you need brains too but the drive and stamina matters a lot in terms of getting through the grind of the system.

Thread isn't just about becoming a doctor. Any field that requires serious will and brainpower e.g. MD, corporate law, Silicon Valley, PhD, bulge bracket finance, MBB consulting.

LOL You cannot seriously put law or consulting on par with what it takes to be a doctor. This is what is completely wrong with Washington--all these lawyers really think they're something and haven't a clue that they are a dime a dozen. All they did that the rest of us didn't is sell their souls.