I've found the older my three have gotten, the easier it is. At 20, 16, and 12, they're definitely easier than when they were toddlers and babies!

I was an only child and loved it. I'd rather spoil one than have to worry about the budget for 2 or 3. I remember friends in h.s. that couldn't go to their dream college because their parents blew too much on an older sibling's tuition!

The only 'downside' is that if we mess up there isn't another one behind him to prove we're somewhat competent parents!

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is a depressing thread. Not one person has said they're still really glad they did it.

I absolutely said I'm glad I had three! Reread the replies.

And having two, versus three kids is the magical way to offset this feeling?

Talk about having an idea of the "perfect package".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We only have two, and one of the reasons is watching my husband's adult siblings struggle and the toll it takes on his mom. People always think that the trouble ends at 18, but my husband's mom has had to financially bail out both my husband's siblings on numerous occasions (not "actual" bail, but you get the idea) and thorough marital problems, etc. she is in her seventies and can't get a break.

All the "fun" and "love" that people talk about with big families certainly didn't happen in his. They are a hot mess, even with Ivy League degrees. And the siblings weren't even there to help mom after she recently had surgery. I was
There, my husband came to help, but the idea that the more kids you have the more help you have is bunk.

You're actually proving the opposite point. Imagine if your MIL had never had your DH! She wouldn't have had anyone to help after her surgery.

I don't understand limiting how many kids you actually want and yearn for because your in laws are losers. There are plenty of losers in the world from families of all sizes- sounds to me like you wanted two kids and then turn around and disparage others who wanted a different thing than you.

I see so many women who say "once we get through the baby years, it will be great!" And i just shake my head. you can't control the outcome. I'm not disparaging you if you have a bunch of kids, even a "quiver full". I'm acknowledging that parents who think more kids equals more happiness often get disappointed and cynical at some point in the process. Women and men who have an "idea" in their heads about how they want their families to act and look don't always get the perfect package they so desperately want to parade around on Facebook. I saw a woman on the playground yesterday yellin at her kids, who were bugging her and whining, say "I had three of you so you would play together, don't bother me, now go play." That was anecdotal and her reaction and thought process was perfectly harmless, but it shows you that even with "perfect planning" things don't always end up the way you thought they would. Even if you uniformly love and care for your kids, provide them with great educations, love your husband, etc. raising kids is very hard and doesn't always go as planned. I see my MIL constantly seeking affirmation for her life through her kids and not getting it. It makes me sad.

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to let you guys in on a little secret. You don't have to list every person's name when you register for the hotel. I promise you that the $10-an-hour desk clerk will not check IDs.

Ha seriously, this! I come from a family of five and I don't remember us ever getting more than one room, even when we were teens. We were comfortably upper middle class, too.

Anonymous wrote:If you're asking because you're debating having three, I'll tell you I waffled back and forth for two years-- it really took over my life and drove my husband crazy. But we went for it, mostly because we decided I'd never get over it if we didn't, and I haven't regretted it for one second. They're now 7, 11, and 14. So, so happy we did it, and so is my husband, who was very hesitant about it as well. Sure, balancing everything is hard sometimes, but to have another child in your family makes up for everything. I am glad we spread them out though-- having three close together looks very, very hard. And it is very nice to have a young kid at the same time you have a teen. I think it makes the teenage years a little more bearable.

So happy to read this. I have three with the same age spread, but my youngest is nearly one, so still in the early years. I love it now, and I'm glad to hear it's working out for you down the road. We also debated endlessly about having a third, and I'm so, so happy we did. He completes our family perfectly, and I'm excited to see what the future holds.

It's soon much easier when they are older. They are self-sufficient, and I don't have to constantly monitor them. I can leave them at home without a sitter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We only have two, and one of the reasons is watching my husband's adult siblings struggle and the toll it takes on his mom. People always think that the trouble ends at 18, but my husband's mom has had to financially bail out both my husband's siblings on numerous occasions (not "actual" bail, but you get the idea) and thorough marital problems, etc. she is in her seventies and can't get a break.

All the "fun" and "love" that people talk about with big families certainly didn't happen in his. They are a hot mess, even with Ivy League degrees. And the siblings weren't even there to help mom after she recently had surgery. I was
There, my husband came to help, but the idea that the more kids you have the more help you have is bunk.

You're actually proving the opposite point. Imagine if your MIL had never had your DH! She wouldn't have had anyone to help after her surgery.

I don't understand limiting how many kids you actually want and yearn for because your in laws are losers. There are plenty of losers in the world from families of all sizes- sounds to me like you wanted two kids and then turn around and disparage others who wanted a different thing than you.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is a depressing thread. Not one person has said they're still really glad they did it.

Uh, I said exactly that on the first page, many others have as well. The OPs question was about older kids vs babies...... So the replies are on point.