Anonymous
Post 09/05/2016 21:23     Subject: s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
This thread is very interesting because something similar happened to us except DD was falsely accused. DD is no angel but if she is good about owning her mistakes and she was clear what was described did not happen. One of her friends who was also present when the alleged words were exchanged verified her account.
I did tell the mother I addressed the problem and I still like the mother who was just defending her own child, but feel uneasy about her DD.
Anonymous
Post 09/05/2016 19:31     Subject: s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
If someone said my child was being mean- I would stay neutral until I figured out what was going on. I would not apologize, take their word for it, or dismiss it.
I have seen kids use underhanded, socially aggressive tactics that are not always obvious to adults...they can then spin these behaviors into a "mutual" disagreement, claim innocence, or get the victim in trouble if they finally get fed up and lash back.
Not saying the mom in this instance is right or wrong- but again, I wouldn't dismiss it.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 20:19     Subject: s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior

I would have as little interaction with this family as possible. The girl in question is disturbed in a way that is hard to fix, and the mother is no better.

And I wouldn't apologize for anything - what have you done wrong? It's the mother and daughter who've been slandering and harassing people.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 20:13     Subject: s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I once had to write an e-mail to school counselor about another parent literally harassing me and my DD. I am not at all a meddling in social issues parent, not just saying that. It came to the point that I felt the other parent was so unbalanced and might fabricate issues and be malicious. I was profusely apologetic to the counselor for taking her time with such a non issue, but felt that I had to have something in writing from our side. Counselor was actually very nice about it and said that she will keep an eye on the girls. She didn't seem surprised at all, so either she knew something about this family or this is a normal occurrence and she is used to it.


+1

I would somehow bet the counselor was well aware of the family.

OP, did you happen to notice - it is never the other child's/mom's fault, right?!


OP here. Yes, nothing was ever the child/mom's fault. Not even the tiniest detail, I tried to pacify her by saying "all kids make mistakes" and she would say "not her kid." What was also terrifying was mom telling me that she knows every single detail of her teen's day and every conversation her teen had with all the kids and they go through everything that happened. She was proud of this because "she is involved parent."


Same exact thing happened with my daughter. The mom is nuts and LOVES emailing all the teachers, counsellors, principals, directors, the daughter I believe makes things up for attention. When I brought it up once that her daughter made mine cry, she told me I was wrong. That's it nothing else. That is when I realized that it's all about her. When I moved mountains to help her kid at the beginning for feeling slighted and she could have gave a crap when the tables were turned.

I completely avoid at all costs. She nuts, op nuts.


OMG, are we talking about the same person? My DD was sobbing about this kid and how hurt she was by other child's actions! Yes, we avoid them at all cost now.


Third parent here. I think there is a troublemaking, overreacting, not-my-kid, will email anyone about anything mom at each school. Don't worry, the administration is well aware of the situation, and has seen moms like this before. Unfortunately, moms like this discredit themselves, usually early on in their child's school career. Their child becomes a target, albeit unwittingly. Their parent is their worst enemy, but the parent refuses to see it and shut it. It is rather unfortunate for their child - but they have their own parent to "thank" for their behavior. Dial it down, drama mom - for the good of your own child.
9:32 here: +1000 I never emailed anyone about this, because I knew there would be a back lash. And it did play out exactly as you said. Eventually everyone did figure out that the mom had encouraged this, and pushed the girls. behavior. And she was one of those that LIVED at the school, so she played that until everyone figured out her game. People were not happy and just put more and more space around her and her princess.


You sound horrible. Why be gleeful about someone else's pain?
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 16:02     Subject: s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I once had to write an e-mail to school counselor about another parent literally harassing me and my DD. I am not at all a meddling in social issues parent, not just saying that. It came to the point that I felt the other parent was so unbalanced and might fabricate issues and be malicious. I was profusely apologetic to the counselor for taking her time with such a non issue, but felt that I had to have something in writing from our side. Counselor was actually very nice about it and said that she will keep an eye on the girls. She didn't seem surprised at all, so either she knew something about this family or this is a normal occurrence and she is used to it.


+1

I would somehow bet the counselor was well aware of the family.

OP, did you happen to notice - it is never the other child's/mom's fault, right?!


OP here. Yes, nothing was ever the child/mom's fault. Not even the tiniest detail, I tried to pacify her by saying "all kids make mistakes" and she would say "not her kid." What was also terrifying was mom telling me that she knows every single detail of her teen's day and every conversation her teen had with all the kids and they go through everything that happened. She was proud of this because "she is involved parent."


Same exact thing happened with my daughter. The mom is nuts and LOVES emailing all the teachers, counsellors, principals, directors, the daughter I believe makes things up for attention. When I brought it up once that her daughter made mine cry, she told me I was wrong. That's it nothing else. That is when I realized that it's all about her. When I moved mountains to help her kid at the beginning for feeling slighted and she could have gave a crap when the tables were turned.

I completely avoid at all costs. She nuts, op nuts.


OMG, are we talking about the same person? My DD was sobbing about this kid and how hurt she was by other child's actions! Yes, we avoid them at all cost now.


Third parent here. I think there is a troublemaking, overreacting, not-my-kid, will email anyone about anything mom at each school. Don't worry, the administration is well aware of the situation, and has seen moms like this before. Unfortunately, moms like this discredit themselves, usually early on in their child's school career. Their child becomes a target, albeit unwittingly. Their parent is their worst enemy, but the parent refuses to see it and shut it. It is rather unfortunate for their child - but they have their own parent to "thank" for their behavior. Dial it down, drama mom - for the good of your own child.
9:32 here: +1000 I never emailed anyone about this, because I knew there would be a back lash. And it did play out exactly as you said. Eventually everyone did figure out that the mom had encouraged this, and pushed the girls. behavior. And she was one of those that LIVED at the school, so she played that until everyone figured out her game. People were not happy and just put more and more space around her and her princess.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 12:58     Subject: Re:s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
Same exact thing happened with my daughter. The mom is nuts and LOVES emailing all the teachers, counsellors, principals, directors, the daughter I believe makes things up for attention. When I brought it up once that her daughter made mine cry, she told me I was wrong. That's it nothing else. That is when I realized that it's all about her. When I moved mountains to help her kid at the beginning for feeling slighted and she could have gave a crap when the tables were turned.

I completely avoid at all costs. She nuts, op nuts.


OMG, are we talking about the same person? My DD was sobbing about this kid and how hurt she was by other child's actions! Yes, we avoid them at all cost now.


Third parent here. I think there is a troublemaking, overreacting, not-my-kid, will email anyone about anything mom at each school. Don't worry, the administration is well aware of the situation, and has seen moms like this before. Unfortunately, moms like this discredit themselves, usually early on in their child's school career. Their child becomes a target, albeit unwittingly. Their parent is their worst enemy, but the parent refuses to see it and shut it. It is rather unfortunate for their child - but they have their own parent to "thank" for their behavior. Dial it down, drama mom - for the good of your own child.



All of you sound waaaay to caught up in ridiculous drama at your child's school

Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 12:40     Subject: s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I once had to write an e-mail to school counselor about another parent literally harassing me and my DD. I am not at all a meddling in social issues parent, not just saying that. It came to the point that I felt the other parent was so unbalanced and might fabricate issues and be malicious. I was profusely apologetic to the counselor for taking her time with such a non issue, but felt that I had to have something in writing from our side. Counselor was actually very nice about it and said that she will keep an eye on the girls. She didn't seem surprised at all, so either she knew something about this family or this is a normal occurrence and she is used to it.


+1

I would somehow bet the counselor was well aware of the family.

OP, did you happen to notice - it is never the other child's/mom's fault, right?!


OP here. Yes, nothing was ever the child/mom's fault. Not even the tiniest detail, I tried to pacify her by saying "all kids make mistakes" and she would say "not her kid." What was also terrifying was mom telling me that she knows every single detail of her teen's day and every conversation her teen had with all the kids and they go through everything that happened. She was proud of this because "she is involved parent."


Same exact thing happened with my daughter. The mom is nuts and LOVES emailing all the teachers, counsellors, principals, directors, the daughter I believe makes things up for attention. When I brought it up once that her daughter made mine cry, she told me I was wrong. That's it nothing else. That is when I realized that it's all about her. When I moved mountains to help her kid at the beginning for feeling slighted and she could have gave a crap when the tables were turned.

I completely avoid at all costs. She nuts, op nuts.


OMG, are we talking about the same person? My DD was sobbing about this kid and how hurt she was by other child's actions! Yes, we avoid them at all cost now.


Third parent here. I think there is a troublemaking, overreacting, not-my-kid, will email anyone about anything mom at each school. Don't worry, the administration is well aware of the situation, and has seen moms like this before. Unfortunately, moms like this discredit themselves, usually early on in their child's school career. Their child becomes a target, albeit unwittingly. Their parent is their worst enemy, but the parent refuses to see it and shut it. It is rather unfortunate for their child - but they have their own parent to "thank" for their behavior. Dial it down, drama mom - for the good of your own child.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 09:38     Subject: Re:s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who would be keeping a closer eye on my kid (in person and online) after hearing something like this? I wouldn't necessarily believe everything the mom said, but sometimes other people see things (good or bad) that we don't see in our own kids. I think my kid is pretty nice, but I also know it's easy to slide into negative behaviors-especially when texting or online, and especially with certain friends.


Of course it is necessary to keep an eye on things. No doubt. I know my kids and know which one can be overbearing and might say something inappropriate. I think the point of this thread is when the parental involvement with simple issues escalates into almost stalking other kids, their own child and other parents. At that point it isn't about the kid anymore, I actually feel very sad for the child of such a parent, as the kid isn't allow to make her/his own decisions and is controlled every minute.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 09:32     Subject: s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
Anonymous wrote:So here is a spin off. There is a mom at our kid's school, which is now high school, but this went through middle school, who has called several parents accusing their children of bullying and being mean to her daughter. One time it was texting late at night about some slight. Accusations of her kid being left out and how her dd is the nicest, most sensitive girl around were conveyed. My DD and I had no idea at this point about her child "sobbing whole night." Accusations were false, it was a simple miscommunication about an afternoon activity. I am not involved in every detail of my teen DD's social life. I found out later that this same mom called other parents and had issues with other parents in regards to her child and made similar accusations not just at school but at sports activities. It was conveyed to me that this girl goes around school declaring her hate for my DD, other kids and even her mom. Mom would call me and other parents and pile up evil deeds by our children that other parents and I never heard about. My DD was stunned to hear these accusations and thought the other girl was being hurtful and cutting her off. Girls made up a few weeks later and all was good, but are not as great friends. The message I tried to convey was to leave the girls to sort this out, my DD said that she never saw it as a big deal since the behavior of this girl was typical, sometimes she is nice some times she ignores people. What do you do if somebody calls you and accuses your child of bad behavior? I told her that I will talk to my child and find out what is happening but she was angry and accusing me of not believing her and taking her word at face value, hence accepting that her child is right and mine is wrong. The other parents and I in our group have never had an issue with anybody else or between us ever. This is the only instance. WWYD?


Op I am going to write from the other side of the fence. My DD belonged to an organized social group with a few other girls and their parents. They were absolutely the meanest and most underhanded people I have EVER known. Of course they would say that their DDs were the nicest, most sensitive, and lovely people ever. The moms were cruel to my DD, pretending they 'did not know her name" were 'too busy to acknowledge her" were pissed as rats when my DD won some awards at school. These people would NEVER say their DDs were anything but perfect. We transferred to another school and years later my DD said "I don not know why Mrs. X is so hateful to me. But I am glad I never have to see her again. She is not part of my life" She is in college now and I wonder why I put up with these people for one minute.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 09:21     Subject: Re:s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
Am I the only one who would be keeping a closer eye on my kid (in person and online) after hearing something like this? I wouldn't necessarily believe everything the mom said, but sometimes other people see things (good or bad) that we don't see in our own kids. I think my kid is pretty nice, but I also know it's easy to slide into negative behaviors-especially when texting or online, and especially with certain friends.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 09:16     Subject: Re:s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
Anonymous wrote:I have a child with SN and some kids have engaged in unacceptable behavior like mocking his disability. (Learned from mothers of other kids who have witnessed.) But they are kids--they do stuff like this. I would never dream of calling up someone's mother about this.

I have called up if my child and a friend have both done something unacceptable that I have witnessed and I can put both of them in a bad light.

To this mother, I would have assumed my most sympathetic voice and said, "I am so sorry this happened. Let's hope it never happens again." And after wishing that the rest of her day goes better I would have hung up.


It is unacceptable, imo, for other kid's to mock your child or any child. You sound like the most patient, saint parent in the world.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 09:14     Subject: s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I once had to write an e-mail to school counselor about another parent literally harassing me and my DD. I am not at all a meddling in social issues parent, not just saying that. It came to the point that I felt the other parent was so unbalanced and might fabricate issues and be malicious. I was profusely apologetic to the counselor for taking her time with such a non issue, but felt that I had to have something in writing from our side. Counselor was actually very nice about it and said that she will keep an eye on the girls. She didn't seem surprised at all, so either she knew something about this family or this is a normal occurrence and she is used to it.


+1

I would somehow bet the counselor was well aware of the family.

OP, did you happen to notice - it is never the other child's/mom's fault, right?!


OP here. Yes, nothing was ever the child/mom's fault. Not even the tiniest detail, I tried to pacify her by saying "all kids make mistakes" and she would say "not her kid." What was also terrifying was mom telling me that she knows every single detail of her teen's day and every conversation her teen had with all the kids and they go through everything that happened. She was proud of this because "she is involved parent."


Same exact thing happened with my daughter. The mom is nuts and LOVES emailing all the teachers, counsellors, principals, directors, the daughter I believe makes things up for attention. When I brought it up once that her daughter made mine cry, she told me I was wrong. That's it nothing else. That is when I realized that it's all about her. When I moved mountains to help her kid at the beginning for feeling slighted and she could have gave a crap when the tables were turned.

I completely avoid at all costs. She nuts, op nuts.


OMG, are we talking about the same person? My DD was sobbing about this kid and how hurt she was by other child's actions! Yes, we avoid them at all cost now.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 02:49     Subject: s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I once had to write an e-mail to school counselor about another parent literally harassing me and my DD. I am not at all a meddling in social issues parent, not just saying that. It came to the point that I felt the other parent was so unbalanced and might fabricate issues and be malicious. I was profusely apologetic to the counselor for taking her time with such a non issue, but felt that I had to have something in writing from our side. Counselor was actually very nice about it and said that she will keep an eye on the girls. She didn't seem surprised at all, so either she knew something about this family or this is a normal occurrence and she is used to it.


+1

I would somehow bet the counselor was well aware of the family.

OP, did you happen to notice - it is never the other child's/mom's fault, right?!


OP here. Yes, nothing was ever the child/mom's fault. Not even the tiniest detail, I tried to pacify her by saying "all kids make mistakes" and she would say "not her kid." What was also terrifying was mom telling me that she knows every single detail of her teen's day and every conversation her teen had with all the kids and they go through everything that happened. She was proud of this because "she is involved parent."


Same exact thing happened with my daughter. The mom is nuts and LOVES emailing all the teachers, counsellors, principals, directors, the daughter I believe makes things up for attention. When I brought it up once that her daughter made mine cry, she told me I was wrong. That's it nothing else. That is when I realized that it's all about her. When I moved mountains to help her kid at the beginning for feeling slighted and she could have gave a crap when the tables were turned.

I completely avoid at all costs. She nuts, op nuts.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2016 01:10     Subject: Re:s/o If a parent was calling you accusing your child of bad behavior
I have a child with SN and some kids have engaged in unacceptable behavior like mocking his disability. (Learned from mothers of other kids who have witnessed.) But they are kids--they do stuff like this. I would never dream of calling up someone's mother about this.

I have called up if my child and a friend have both done something unacceptable that I have witnessed and I can put both of them in a bad light.

To this mother, I would have assumed my most sympathetic voice and said, "I am so sorry this happened. Let's hope it never happens again." And after wishing that the rest of her day goes better I would have hung up.