Anonymous
08/18/2016 10:04
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
8;14 - "reliable" men are awesome. We love it when guys can hold down a job and call us when they say we will and show up on time. But if they call us at exactly 8:20 every night and won't vary it no matter the circumstances, or only show up on time to take us to the same three restaurants that fit their weird restrictive food habits, that's something other than reliable.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 10:02
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
OP, he may be a "good guy" but he doesn't sound like a good guy for you. He sounds too restrictive and constrained, and that is unlikely to get better over time.
There are plenty of women in the world who are similarly constrained; let him go to find one of them. And then you'll be free to find someone who isn't so uptight.
This isn't a case of a woman ignoring a good guy and preferring bad boys. This is a case of someone deciding the guy she's with is a poor fit, and looking elsewhere for a better one. No shame in that game.
There are plenty of women in the world who are similarly constrained; let him go to find one of them. And then you'll be free to find someone who isn't so uptight.
This isn't a case of a woman ignoring a good guy and preferring bad boys. This is a case of someone deciding the guy she's with is a poor fit, and looking elsewhere for a better one. No shame in that game.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 09:41
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
Here are my three rules for choosing a spouse, based on watching marriages closely all my life (my parents were very unhappy and I have always been interested in why couples work or don't from a young age).
1) Of COURSE you will love and admire their good points. Choose someone whose bad points don't bother you much, and wouldn't bother you if they got twice as bad.
2) If you want kids, imagine your future children growing up to be exactly like this person. Choose someone where that thought makes you proud and happy instead of disappointed or fearful.
3) Choose someone who makes it easy to be the best version of yourself.
1) Of COURSE you will love and admire their good points. Choose someone whose bad points don't bother you much, and wouldn't bother you if they got twice as bad.
2) If you want kids, imagine your future children growing up to be exactly like this person. Choose someone where that thought makes you proud and happy instead of disappointed or fearful.
3) Choose someone who makes it easy to be the best version of yourself.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 09:36
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
Op, search for the multiple threads on this board from late 20s women who married men like you be and are already comolaining that they are bored, stuck at home, have husbands that don't want to go out, travel and only want to watch tv and not make new friends or spend time with people. Your bf maybe a great fit for someone, just not you.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 09:34
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
+1000
Anonymous
08/18/2016 09:21
Subject: Re:Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
To 8:14 PP-- it's not about hating reliable men.
Look at what OP wrote. Specifically, he doesn't like people. A relationship with someone like this could be isolating. Family gatherings, get togethers with friends, finding community, all will either be on her or worse yet, inaccessible to their nuclear family.
I can picture the threads from a wife of this guy:
--DH won't go to family wedding
--DH was anti social on our vacation
-DH doesn't want my best friend to come help me after the baby is born
--I miss going out with friends
She said he won't alter his schedule. Five years out:
-- DH won't do daycare drop off
--DH won't do night feedings and gets mad when I ask for help at night
--DH wont give up Saturday basketball. Leaves kids with me.
The fact that he's "reliable" when he has no family responsibilities is meaningless if he's inflexible.
OP has the good sense to realize that building a life with this guy is not the same as dating him.
Trust your gut, OP. This guy is not going to be a good fit.
Look at what OP wrote. Specifically, he doesn't like people. A relationship with someone like this could be isolating. Family gatherings, get togethers with friends, finding community, all will either be on her or worse yet, inaccessible to their nuclear family.
I can picture the threads from a wife of this guy:
--DH won't go to family wedding
--DH was anti social on our vacation
-DH doesn't want my best friend to come help me after the baby is born
--I miss going out with friends
She said he won't alter his schedule. Five years out:
-- DH won't do daycare drop off
--DH won't do night feedings and gets mad when I ask for help at night
--DH wont give up Saturday basketball. Leaves kids with me.
The fact that he's "reliable" when he has no family responsibilities is meaningless if he's inflexible.
OP has the good sense to realize that building a life with this guy is not the same as dating him.
Trust your gut, OP. This guy is not going to be a good fit.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 08:21
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
If you don't listen to your gut now you will regret it. Regret regret regret it.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 08:14
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
Anonymous wrote:I am 25, and for a couple years, I've been dating a man who I should be excited to marry. He is very hardworking, good looking, smart, supports my goals, comforts me when I'm upset, a provider (he earns twice what I do), and I never question his faithfulness for a second. He is so kind and loving to me. He makes me a priority and treats me very well. But he is so reliable that there is almost no room for spontaneity - he has a strict daily schedule he won't break from, he doesn't drink, he's an extremely picky eater who doesn't eat entire food groups (including dessert), hates nightlife, very risk adverse, and doesn't really like people in general. As we get closer and closer to engagement, at night I keep myself awake thinking: "what are you doing?" and have a general sick to my stomach feeling about marriage whenever someone mentions it.
He has so many great, rare qualities that I appreciate but I can't shake this gut feeling. On the other hand, I don't want to break up with him. Every week I kick the can down the road, thinking I'll see how my time with him goes and break up with him if it feels right. When I'm with him, I love him and am happy. But as when we part, the gut feeling kicks in.
My head says he's a great guy and I should stay. My gut says break up. Does anyone have any experience with this irrational gut feeling about a relationship? Did you stay or leave, and how did it turn out?
Just more evidence young, presumably attractive women, hate reliable men. Be late, boys. Blow them off. Be inconsiderate. It makes them wet.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 08:13
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
Anonymous wrote:I am 25...(he earns twice what I do)
Which means...you make squat?
Anonymous
08/18/2016 06:52
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
Coming from someone who was in a similar situation and ended up breaking it off a few months before the wedding date, please save yourself the time, heartbreak and embarrassment - end it now.
I was in an almost identical sort of relationship - Great guy, faithful, kind, funny, smart, but before he proposed the idea of marrying him made me uncomfortable (and I've never been afraid of marriage itself). I ignored it and justified it to myself as typical jitters, but after he proposed and the wedding was being planned I felt worse and worse. Trust your gut and know that while it will cause him pain in the long run you're doing what's best for both of you.
I was in an almost identical sort of relationship - Great guy, faithful, kind, funny, smart, but before he proposed the idea of marrying him made me uncomfortable (and I've never been afraid of marriage itself). I ignored it and justified it to myself as typical jitters, but after he proposed and the wedding was being planned I felt worse and worse. Trust your gut and know that while it will cause him pain in the long run you're doing what's best for both of you.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 06:20
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
Your future shouldn't be something that makes you sick to think about at night.
You don't need to make the choices that you think other people think are right but the ones you genuinely want. That is the freedom of adulthood.
It's ok to break up, and just say I don't think our getting married is right for me. You are a wonderful guy and I've been privileged to be with you for the time I have. Then move on.
You don't need to make the choices that you think other people think are right but the ones you genuinely want. That is the freedom of adulthood.
It's ok to break up, and just say I don't think our getting married is right for me. You are a wonderful guy and I've been privileged to be with you for the time I have. Then move on.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 01:56
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
A good guy doesn't mean he's the right guy for you.
Finding the right person to marry is a mixture of head and heart. There were plenty of guys I dated that my heart wanted me to marry, but my head realized they weren't right for me. It's harder when it's the other way around; head says yes, heart says no.
The right guy for you, the head and heart will say YES. Not because that guy is perfect, but he'll be perfect for you.
Finding the right person to marry is a mixture of head and heart. There were plenty of guys I dated that my heart wanted me to marry, but my head realized they weren't right for me. It's harder when it's the other way around; head says yes, heart says no.
The right guy for you, the head and heart will say YES. Not because that guy is perfect, but he'll be perfect for you.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 01:09
Subject: Re:Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
He sounds rigid and dull. It will get worse with kids. You will look back and wonder why you never took time to enjoy your life.
Break up.
You don't need to articulate it. All you have to say is that you know you don't want to spend your life with him. You could say you enjoy going out or staying up or eating dessert, but you don't need to make a case to him.
Break up.
You don't need to articulate it. All you have to say is that you know you don't want to spend your life with him. You could say you enjoy going out or staying up or eating dessert, but you don't need to make a case to him.
Anonymous
08/18/2016 01:08
Subject: Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
If this guy really was such a great catch overall, trust me breaking up w/him wouldn't even be a passing thought.
Trust & listen to your gut on this.
You're only 25.
You are much too young to settle.
Trust & listen to your gut on this.
You're only 25.
You are much too young to settle.
Anonymous
08/17/2016 23:58
Subject: Re:Gut feeling to break up with wonderful boyfriend?
How is the sex?
How much does he honor your wishes or work with you if there's something you don't see eye-to-eye on?
How much does he honor your wishes or work with you if there's something you don't see eye-to-eye on?