DD knew in middle school, but I suspected around 4th grade. The way she talked about some girls (more celebrities than friends) seemed more like a crush than just enjoying seeing them on tv, sort of like my NKOTB feelings I had at that age. And she never had similar crushes on male celebrities or friends who are boys.

I saw a study that showed that while many teens stay the same sexual orientation throughout their teen years, for a significant percentage there is significant flux with them identifying in various ways before finally settle into a sexual orientation. (they asked them every two years from 13 on). There were very few changes after age 22.

A higher percentage of teens who were not straight changed their orientation throughout their teen / young adult years and quite a few were straight by the age of 22. A much smaller percentage of those who were straight throughout their teen years identified as something other than straight by age 22.

So while some do not waver, a fair amount who identified as bi, gay or lesbian at 13, 15 or 17 did change their orientation by their early twenties.

Perhaps knowing it and being honest with yourself about it are two different things and the second is where the age is important. It's one thing to understand that you do not have the attractions that would generally be considered "normal" and another to say, yes, I am gay or bisexual.

Looks like there are a wide range of ages where people "know" depending on their own self awareness and the cultural experiences they have.

I'd say one thing for sure, if your 11 year old tells you he's gay, believe him. He might gather more information and have more experiences (I realized I am actually bi as a 30 yo) that lead him to understand himself more deeply. But right now, his reality is he's gay and he is telling you pretty clearly.

My wife knew around K/first grade. I knew around 13-14.

I identify as bisexual and I knew when I was 13, however everyone is different. It is possible that this is a curious "phase" but it is likely not. I would not over think it if I were you, he will figure it out himself eventually, 11 is young but it is very possible he already knows his sexuality.

Hey there, check out pflag if you'd like some resources and ideas as a parent of an LBGTQA youth.

https://www.pflag.org

https://www.pflag.org/family

https://www.pflag.org/blog/parents-quick-tips-supporting-your-lgbtq-kids-and-yourself-during-coming-out-process