I'm a single mom and I think you have obviously thought this out and you know what you want/don't want. Nothing wrong with that. I prefer men with kids due to my situation. I find it hard for single men with no kids to understand what my lifestyle is like. So it's my preference not to date them. But keep in mind that not all men with kids have bad relationships with their ex. My ex and I take our kid on vacation together.

Anonymous wrote:For someone who matried a man with kids - you are absolutely right! I live with regret daily

Really? I mean I get it can be hard, I am a stepkid.

I came here to say that I get it OP but that every marriage and every life you choose is going to have difficulties and you rarely fall in love with some perfect person that fit all your preconceived notions. If you really don't think you could handle embracing stepchildren as your own though you shouldn't do it.

Like this PP here. This is so hurtful. My stepdad would have said that having me (and my mom) in his life was worth every hardship that coparenting brought. My stepmom, maybe a little less than that. But at the end of the day every life and every family has its own issues, thinking you can create some perfect box...if you life with regret daily then there is something wrong with your husband PP.

It depends on how important having a relationship is to you. If you're constantly complaining about being single and not finding the right guy, you might want to ease up on some of your 'must haves'. On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date a man with a child or children. I'm a single mom and I prefer to date childless men too. It does limit my dating pool, but I'm fine being single too, I don't need to get remarried. If it happens it happens, if not, then that's fine too.

OP, you're allowed to have a preference

Anonymous wrote:Does this apply equally to men with young kids and to men with older kids?

There is a difference between dealing with custody/support payments for a 2 year old or preschooler and dealing with teenagers or young adults.

That is true to a point, but as long as they are under 18, you are dealing with co-parenting. Not OP, but not for me, either.

Good news, OP. It is your life and you can choose to do whatever you want, regardless of what your cousin thinks.

Op you are doing the kids a favor. Seriously, kids come first and if a man or woman has kids move on if you are not 100% into it.

Nothing wrong with this, OP. I would feel the same way if I were young and not married.
You are not being too picky. You have your priorities. Stick to them.

Fair enough! How old are you and how old do you want your potential mate to be? If you're older, maybe go for a younger guy to widen the field?

Anonymous wrote:You say it's because you want a lot of attention but then say you want your own kids. You realize your own kids will take attention away from you, right?

She won't care then - she'll be too busy paying attention to her kids to pay any attention to her husband.

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way. This isn't too picky its smart.

+1 I'm a man, and before I got married, I refused to date a woman with children, widow or not. I wanted to get married and have kids (and I have done both of those now) but I had been in a few LTRs with single moms and NFW - it generally wasn't a problem with the ex-dhs - at worst, they were disengaged - but the whole "my kid comes first" BS with EVERYTHING gets really old, fast. You are a 2nd class "parent" or partner if you are not the kid's actual bio-parent. My DW never pulls that crap with me about our child - and we make decisions jointly. You are very wise to have this dealbreaker/rule OP - it's not as if there is any short supply of single parents in the world - they can date each other.

Does this apply equally to men with young kids and to men with older kids?

There is a difference between dealing with custody/support payments for a 2 year old or preschooler and dealing with teenagers or young adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For someone who matried a man with kids - you are absolutely right! I live with regret daily

Argghh iPhone - should say "from" someone who "married"

Me too!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For someone who matried a man with kids - you are absolutely right! I live with regret daily

Argghh iPhone - should say "from" someone who "married"

And as someone who's DH endured a horrible stepmom who never wanted to marry a man with kids and pretended like he didn't exist (and the asshole dad went a long with treating his firstborn like persona non grata until second wife left him for another man after 20 years) please don't enter it to that decision lightly.

Anonymous wrote:For someone who matried a man with kids - you are absolutely right! I live with regret daily

Argghh iPhone - should say "from" someone who "married"