It's trashy to mention to the people who are paying your kid's way because you can't that they are doing so.

I'm educated and my reading comprehension skills are pretty good. If my letter said that I was required to keep the contents private I would have not asked this question. To suggest that something about my question is not true is mind boggling. What do I have to gain from asking a question that I already had the answer to? I don't understand the subtle hostility in the responses implying that they know more about what our FA award letter says than we do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It says right on your FA notice letter that this is a private matter.

So, I don't believe this post.

How can you tell me what my letter said? You don't know me. You don't know which school my DC is going to. Yet, you feel entitled to say this post is not true? Like I said my letter said nothing about ME keeping it private.

All the letters say that. Read your letter. It tells you that you are to keep your FA award private and if you don't you could have to forfeit your aid package.
Go back and read your letter.
Many of us have children in private schools here. We don't have to know you.

Oh really? Our FA letter says nothing of the sort.

It would be quite incredible to be privy to the contents of every FA letter for every private school in the greater DC area.

Anonymous wrote:It should never be discussed. You may be open OP. But you don't want your kid to be shunned or thought of as poor.

I have yet to meet a poor person at private. Are you referring to middle class families?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It says right on your FA notice letter that this is a private matter.

So, I don't believe this post.

How can you tell me what my letter said? You don't know me. You don't know which school my DC is going to. Yet, you feel entitled to say this post is not true? Like I said my letter said nothing about ME keeping it private.

All the letters say that. Read your letter. It tells you that you are to keep your FA award private and if you don't you could have to forfeit your aid package.
Go back and read your letter.
Many of us have children in private schools here. We don't have to know you.

They must have forgotten that paragraph because as I said it does NOT speak to ME keeping it private.

We are full pay, and can afford it. But it's still a huge chunk of $ for us - like another mortgage payment. I do wonder whether we should have gamed the system more - we have one child who is a star athlete, and I think if we'd asked we might have gotten a decent amount of aid, despite our income. I wonder sometimes how much aid is going to people who really could afford to pay.

It should never be discussed. You may be open OP. But you don't want your kid to be shunned or thought of as poor.

Anonymous wrote:We will be starting K at a "Big 3" in the fall and receive a substantial FA package. Is this something we should be secretive about? I am a pretty open person and wouldn't naturally think to not speak about receiving FA but I've been told that this is a private thing and the schools would prefer that no one discusses it. What has been your experience in this regards?

Do not bring it up with parents at the school. I know someone who has done this and it causes feelings of unfairness for families who are scraping it together to pay full tuition. Better to be gracipus and silent.

At our big 3 private, no one talks about FA. I have no clue who is on it, and I don't care, it's none of my business. I would never, ever ask someone how they paid for anything, unless we were blood related. I would never answer anyone who asked me such a question.

As your child gets older, you'll start to realize that some of your child's friends may have different manners or behaviors you don't particularly like, but your kid likes playing with that person and so you tolerate them. Same thing for parents of your child's friends. So don't give them any ammunition. Some kids and parents will take FA information and use it in an untoward way. That could be bad mouthing, teasing, whatever. Is that right, no. Would I ever hang out with people like that, also no. But you may not know people are saying those things until you kid comes home from school saying they were teased. I would never tolerate my child treating anoth child like that, but I am awestruck all the time at what other parents enforce, allowed and permit in their own kids.

So many people are on some type of financial aid at our school that no one asks because then the next Q would be how much, and it'd get competitive. One woman is very, very loudly open about how much she gets--which I don't feel is wise (we're not on FA)...but then again, she's a very open person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course its not embarrassing, but it is also something that you should not discuss or mention. It is a private matter and only the buiness of your family and the school. It is a topic that, for some people, can become a heated topic (just see this forum for examples) so best to just avoid mentioning it at all .

The kids all talk about it. Everyone knows who's on FA. If you ask your kids and they know the student somewhat, chances are they'll know their status. Certainly if they play a sport or other activity with the student they'll likely know.

That is absolutely not true. My daughter is on 67% FA and has never been asked or even hears anyone talk about it. private from 6th to 11th.

They may not talk to her about it, but they know. Kids know everything - including all the stuff parents try and keep from them. Think back to your own experiences, you knew tons of stuff about kids at your school that your parents had no idea that you knew. Kids have ways of sharing info that have nothing to do with adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It says right on your FA notice letter that this is a private matter.

So, I don't believe this post.

How can you tell me what my letter said? You don't know me. You don't know which school my DC is going to. Yet, you feel entitled to say this post is not true? Like I said my letter said nothing about ME keeping it private.

All the letters say that. Read your letter. It tells you that you are to keep your FA award private and if you don't you could have to forfeit your aid package.
Go back and read your letter.
Many of us have children in private schools here. We don't have to know you.

Huh? 65% FA here for multiple years and our letters say nothing of the sort.

OP, I think we're like you -- it's not a secret and we're not ashamed; if it came up naturally in conversation, I'd talk about it. But I simply can't imagine if coming up naturally in conversation, ever. Other parents comment on how expensive school is and I grimace sympathetically. I understand, since even the 35% we pay is a huge chunk of our budget. Worth it though.

I have talked about it with our non-private-school-attending friends. Many of them had no idea that so much FA was available, so I feel like it's good to get the word out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course its not embarrassing, but it is also something that you should not discuss or mention. It is a private matter and only the buiness of your family and the school. It is a topic that, for some people, can become a heated topic (just see this forum for examples) so best to just avoid mentioning it at all .

The kids all talk about it. Everyone knows who's on FA. If you ask your kids and they know the student somewhat, chances are they'll know their status. Certainly if they play a sport or other activity with the student they'll likely know.

That is absolutely not true. My daughter is on 67% FA and has never been asked or even hears anyone talk about it. private from 6th to 11th.

No, you don't talk about it. If you live a lifestyle that the average person can guess you receive FA than they will assume you do. However if you do not live modestly and announce you receive aid, there will be those who judge that you do not "deserve" it. It's one of those topics that just won't end well because it plays into people's prejudices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It says right on your FA notice letter that this is a private matter.

So, I don't believe this post.

LOL. Say what?

"The first rule of FA, we don't talk about FA...."

Yes - for the clueless they spell it out - keep your mouth shut.
But only if you want to keep what you are given.